Friday, October 31, 2003


Welcome to the PM's post, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

Today, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi takes over as the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Welcome, Mr Prime Minister!
Few people can appreciate the staying power of this man. He may not have the image to fire the imagination the way Dr Mahathir or Anwar Ibrahim did, but don't be fooled; he has managed to last the distance in the rough and tumble of Umno politics.
It has been said that victory does not belong to the fastest or the strongest, but rather to the one with the greatest stamina.

The history of Umno leadership struggles over the years has been well documented in this Aliran article.

The question of who is going to be the new No. 2 has been the subject of speculation for many months. This article from Aseanfocus speculates on the possible candidates, including a certain Rafidah Aziz, known in some circles as Rattling Rafidah.
Rafidah as number 2? I hope not!
You don't want to wake up one morning to see the whole of Malaysia on sale, would you?

In keeping with the monumental importance of today, I will not blog on anything irreverent, disrespectful, ridiculous, trashy or anything that can be considered as poor taste. There is always another day.



Wednesday, October 29, 2003


Sad end to the Sabah hostage saga

You know they have a lot of sick shits hiding out in Southern Philippines, and this is just another good reason for not visiting the country.

This captive who escaped, Arkusil, narrated another frightening example of the Abu Sayyaf's barbarity. As quoted from the Star

'Speaking through an interpreter, Arkusil said they were told by their captors -- whom he identified as Abu Sayyaf members -- to undress and run near the seashore of Maraning village Monday night. The abductors then fired at them as they ran, killing five, he added. '

News reports are still not forthcoming on the bodies of the five captives that did not escape. I am not sure whether the captives were used as human shields or as target practice or both. I can only hope that the abductors die slowly in a hail of bullets or in a pile of shit.

The BBC gave an account on how they were located.

'The captives, seized from a resort in the Malaysian province of Sabah, had been traced to Tawi-Tawi province in the Philippines after a tip-off from Malaysian police. '

Again I am amazed at our own psychic investigation. How did we know that they were in Tawi-Tawi?


Fishy and dubious criteria imposed on aspiring Bolehnauts

From the many heated discussions in Malaysian blogs regarding the selection criteria for the first Malaysian cosmonaut, or more aptly called the bolehnaut, I decided to conduct my own investigation and analysis. Initially we were told by Dr M that:

"The first Malaysian astronaut can be just a man in the street, a professor or a soldier. Anybody can be the country's first person in outer space if they are fit, intelligent and have the right aptitude." (See website here.)

But later on we were told that "candidates would have qualifications such as a university degree, experiences in aerospace sciences and have flown an aircraft. They should also be active in physical activities such scuba-diving, mountain-climbing and other abilities such as public speaking."

Now are these new criteria relevant?
By chance, I bumped into Harry(a.k.a. Dirty Harry) who assured me that he was a renowned scientist and could possibly be the next Nobel Prize winner. After subjecting him and his dumbass scientist friends to a vigorous interrogation, I came away with the following conclusions: that the new conditions imposed on aspiring Bolehnauts are a whole load of crap and are designed for the main purpose of keeping out legitimate applicants like me.

Let us go over the new selection criteria one by one.

Criteria 1
Must have university degree

This condition is really so stooopid that only someone who had not stepped into a university could have dreamed it up. Everyone knows that the average university student is no damn good at following instructions. And you want to send the guy up into space knowing that he can't follow simple instructions in English, let alone in Russian? We know that the University graduate's expertise lies only in one area: how to "ponteng" classes. (I know of somebody who "ponteng" so often that he didn't know whether the lecturer was male or female.) So we are spending 95 million bucks to send this idiot into space and he may just decide to ponteng the space launch.

Conclusion: This criteria is not relevant.

Criteria 2
Experiences in aerospace sciences

True experience in aerospace sciences comes from doing experiments in the air. Anything done in the name of science, such as inhaling jet fuel to see if it affects the brain, does not qualify if it is done on the ground. This means that no Malaysian can qualify because we do everything on the ground. The only people who can qualify are those that have joined the "mile high club". But which Malaysian will readily admit that they have been freely fornicating in the air even if they had only done so for the sake of science?

Conclusion: This criteria is not relevant.

Criteria 3
Have flown an aircraft

What has flying aircraft got to do with sitting in a Soyuz capsule? The best Malaysian pilot will not be able to fly a Soyuz capsule for the simple fact that aircraft have wings and capsules have, er, caps. On top of that, all Soyuz flight instructions are in Russian and who can understand that? And anyway, how difficult can flying an aeroplane be? I see in the movies the pilot walk up and down the aisle, flirt with air hostesses, drink coffee, then flirt some more, and the plane flies by itself. Real cushy job if you ask me. Easier than driving taxi.

Conclusion: This criteria is not relevant.

Criteria 4
Be active in physical activities such as scuba-diving, mountain-climbing

This criteria needs to be interpreted carefully. I do not think that we need worry about the capsule crashing into the bottom of the ocean or slamming into the mountain. In this type of situation, no amount of scuba-diving or mountain-climbing can help you. What is probably meant is that the bolehnaut candidate must be fit and able-bodied.

But wait! We are not sending somebody out into space to repair space. We are sending him there as a space tourist. All he needs to do is sit tight, look pretty, and take some pictures. Anybody can do that! And how much fitness does one need to operate a camera anyway? Also, he has to sit strapped to his seat practically throughout the journey. Any fool can tell you that if you strap down somebody who is unfit, he doesn't give you any problem. Strap an able-bodied man down and he is likely to get fidgetive and do something really stupid, like punch the eject button for no bloody reason.

Conclusion: This criteria is not relevant.

Criteria 5
Public speaking

This is the most ridiculous criteria of them all. I fail to see how this can be useful to the bolehnaut. Okay, granted that if the space capsule lands at the wrong place, say near and unknown shitty little village, the bolehnaut may have to address the villagers to say dumbass stuff like, he come in peace, and please take me to your leader. But he would have to do so in Russian or whatever language those villagers speak! And if he is so unfortunate as to land right on top of the village head's daughter, no amount of public speaking can help him.

Conclusion: This criteria is not relevant.

It does not take two ounces of brains to see how irrelevant these criteria are. I see a conspiracy here. Unreasonable conditions have been imposed for one reason only, that is to keep out the rakyat from going to space on our taxpayers money.
I'll be really, really mad if they pick a minister's son and say that he is the only one who fulfills all the conditions and has admitted to joining the "mile high club".


Tuesday, October 28, 2003


Why would anyone want to play with a George Bush doll?

You would think that I have more things to do than to blog about something as trivial as this. But then my juvenile side got the better of me. Well, last week, I got into this site that sells talking dolls except that they call them action figures now.

The commercial on their site said:
"Order your George W. Bush action figure today!! Production has been limited to 100,000 units and these unique action figures are selling fast. Orders are shipped on a first-come-first-served basis. Order now to be sure to be sure to get your authentic Toypresidents® George W. Bush talking action action figure."

And the price? Only 29.95. Heck, that's cheap for a U.S. president.

So out of curiosity I sent them a question via the comment section in their website with the following one-sentence enquiry:

"Can you tell me if the George W Bush action figure is anatomically correct?"

Almost immediately, my browser showed a screen that said:

"Thank you for your inquiry. A Toypresidents ® representative will contact you as soon as possible."

My friend Harry(a.k.a. Dirty Harry) asked me why I needed to know if it was anatomically correct.
Hey , if I have to shell out 29,95 for a doll...oh okay...action figure, I need to know if the figure is complete and not missing any body parts. My logic is if it doesn't have a dick, then it can't do dick.
My friend Harry says that it is a doll and doesn't have to do dick. Of course, Harry is an ignorant dickhead.
I replied that it is NOT a doll but an ACTION FIGURE so it needs to be complete to get any action.
Harry then commented that he has a few female colleagues who don't have dicks but are getting lots of action. Then he goes rolling on the floor and laughing his ass off. Smartass jerk! We are talking about a MALE action figure here, you Neanderthal! And I just wannna check it....not wank it.

And did you know how the company responded to my email?
I got back a one-liner answer the next day that the figure does not have genitals, as you can see in the following screen capture:

They're charging 29.95(USD, not ringgit) and they don't even provide genitals? What kind of ripoff is this? And they don't even tell that to you upfront. You had to ask them to find out. Sheeeesh!! This is the reason why I hate to buy things off the web.


The Sabah hostage saga: the psychic investigation continues

Yesterday, I went home, opened the Star newspaper and relaxed in front of the TV. Then I saw it: the latest update on the Sabah hostage case. The report decribed the 6 captives as 4 Indonesians and 2 Filipinos. Now how could that be possible? Just two weeks ago the Star report said that they were 3 Indonesians and 3 Filipinos.

Then it struck me that somehow during these two weeks, one Filipino captive must have applied to change his citizenship to Indonesian. But how did we know that? If you remember last Wednesday, I blogged about the possibility that we were conducting a psychic investigation? This confirms it. We don't know where the captives are but we know that one of them changed his citizenship. I do not know what the changing of citizenship entails, but surely there must be forms to fill, interviews to attend and fees to pay. And our psychic investigators saw all that? My, I am impressed with our authorities. We may not know where TF the hostages are, but we certainly know WTF they're doing.


Monday, October 27, 2003


Plumper lips for more confidence

I just received a spam in my email advising me to get "Plumper lips for more confidence and sexiness."
Oh yeah? And how is a fat lip going to make me more confident and sexy?
These spammers need their shitted-up heads examined.


My review of the movie Freaky Friday

You know that this is no ordinary movie when the advertisement says "Watch it with your best friend!". Now, that is stupid. And I don't have a dog. But even if I have one, why would my dog want to watch the movie? Wait....hang on.....they're not talking about Man's best friend here! This movie is obviously targeted towards the female audience. So now they're saying that women should see the movie with their pushup bras? My apologies to all the women out there if I had presumed wrongly what a woman's best friend is. But heck, I have been known to presume wrong the time during a mixed volleyball game when I presumed that all women players wear bras. But that's another story.

Okay, enough of the advertisement crap. Let's get back to the review. The movie is basically about a mother and daughter relationship. Jamie Lee Curtiss plays the role of a psychiatrist, Dr Tess Coleman, who was widowed 3 years ago. As a single mum, she has to bring up a teenage daughter, Anna(played by new hottie Lindsay Lohan), and a preteen kid, Harry, on her own. So now mom decides that she wants to remarry.

Five minutes into the movie, and I know that this is a movie that you should just watch and not try to think. You somehow get the feeling that there are no normal people in the family. The story begins on a Thursday. Anna goes to school and gets an "F" in a test with the word "Preposterous" written by her teacher on her test script. She suspected that the teacher, Mr Bates, is "out to get her". At the end of the day she gets detention for some other misdeamor. Although Anna can't seem to get out of trouble, she is actually one of the most rockingest girl in her school and plays a mean guitar in a band. Her kid brother, Harry, is obnoxious and disgusting. When he sees his mom kissing her boyfriend(his soon-to-be stepfather), he gets totally grossed out and shouts at them, "Get a room!". The weird thing about this kid is that he has a penchant for playing with his sister's things and WEARING her stuff.
So okay, this kid has a 6-Eeeeww rating.

Well on Thursday evening, the family decided to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Mom and daughter started having an argument in the restaurant when this old Chinese lady walked by. Speaking in really atrocious Cantonese, she handed them a fortune cookie each. Anna then walked towards the toilet with her mom following closely behind. That sort of freaked the audience out, as we knew that both of them could not possibly fit into the toilet. Mercifully, Anna got into the toilet first and closed the toilet door in her mom's face. Incredibly, both of them took out their fortune cookies to read them like they had nothing else to do. And both of them had the same fortune cookie which read:

"A journey soon begins
it's price reflected in another's eyes
When what you see is what you lack
Then selfless love will change you back."

When they were done reading the cookie, they felt the earth moved under their feet. But nothing changed! So they carried on with their dinner, go back home, did whatever abnormal people did, and went to bed.

The next morning(yup, Friday morning), some twelve hours after they first felt the earth moved, mom and daughter discovered that they had somehow switched bodies. Now mom gets to look like a hottie, and Anna looks like a frumpy psychiatrist.

Trying to make the best out of a bad situation, mom goes to school in place of Anna. However, she totally freaked out Anna's friends by saying stuff like:
"I don't believe in physical contact with the opposite sex all...ever..nothing! And you girls will do well to follow my example!"
Now mom has a college degree, but surprise, surprise,....she got and "F" from Mr Bates in class and she somehow found herself in detention as well. However she did manage to discover something: she recognized the teacher who had been failing Anna was the same jerk Elton Bates whom she had turned down for a prom date in Griffin High School one generation ago. And now, the guy is conducting a personal vendetta against her daughter. So mom threatened Bates to toe the line or else the School Board will get a visit from her. This is the part of the movie which is extremely difficult to understand. Everyone knows that the male species suffer from Short Term Memory Syndrome when it comes to dating. It is difficult enough for us guys to remember the girls we have dated let alone trying to remember the girl we have never dated. And this guy could remember someone he never dated one generation ago? Yeah, right! Did I mention before that this is a movie which you should just watch and not try to think? Yup, I believe I did. I could see that this Bates guy was starting to freak out the few male members of the audience...and hence the movie title, Freaky Friday.

Meanwhile, Anna goes to work in her mother's place at the psychiatrist clinic. Not knowing shit about psychiatry, Anna started dishing out her own brand of advice to the patients. Somehow she got to be interviewed on TV and ended up being a big hit with the audience as well. That's right, a girl who can't get up to mark in her tests in school somehow scores with the TV audience. She was so impressive that a cameraman even got her to autograph his fat bare butt. Don't ask. Like I said, this is a movie which you should just watch and not try to think.

What happened next was that on Friday evening, they were supposed to have a wedding rehearsal dinner. Now a wedding rehearsal dinner is not something we see in Malaysian culture, so I would not expect you to be able to relate to it. I know of many couples who have wedding night rehearsals long before the actual wedding night, but I don't think it is the same thing culturally. I won't try to ruin your surprise by telling you what "selfless love will change you back" kind of actions that mom and daughter did for each other. Suffice to say, when they had completed their actions of "selfless love" they felt the earth moved. Lo and behold! They suddenly switched back to their own bodies. Now you may ask me, why is it the first time they felt the earth moved, it took 12 frigging hours for the bodies to switch, but now the switch was immediate? Must I say it again? This is a movie which you should just.......heck, you know the drill!
Okay, now let's add up the score and see how the movie does:

Comprehensible storyline -2
Mindless violence 0
Slick kungfu moves 0
Cool dance sequences 1
Needless nudity 0
Colourful language 9
Grand total: 8

This movie scores an 8. What does it mean? It means I can add.
Go see the movie.


Thursday, October 23, 2003


Nuclear pursuits of North Korea and Iran. It's like having sex to become a virgin.

For some reason, today I took an interest in the nuclear activities of North Korea and Iran. And that is strange since I do not usually have the slightest iota of interest in anything connected with uranium. I remember vaguely that as a kid, my chemistry teacher used to talk a fair bit about uranium while I dozed off in class.

Uranium? Aren't they supposed to be people living on the planet Uranus? I had a very simple planetary view in my school days. Anything on Uranus...I'm not interested. I was even less interested in enriching uranium. Now enriching myself, that was a different matter. Of course, later when I realised that my teacher was actually talking about some type of molecule, the damage had already been done. Once a kid loses interest in something, its difficult to bring it back. So I blame the idiots who named that element after the planet. Unimaginative wankers. Couldn't they name it after something decent, like phakalonium of something along that line? It stands to reason that if an element's prime reason to exist is to blow the shit out of the constipated asses of the masses(hey, that rhymes ;) ) they shouldn't name it after something as far away as Uranus. Oh shit....I am losing focus here. What I want to say is, it does not make sense for Iran and North Korea to go after nuclear technology for "peaceful purposes".

"Peaceful purposes"......yeah...right. Peaceful, my ass. Its like India testing the A-bomb in May 1998 and then brilliantly calling it a "Peaceful Nuclear Explosion". Still don't get the concept? Okay, it's like having sex to become a virgin. Now you get the concept? Thought you would! I hate to be fed a bunch of Cro-Magnon reasons which nobody with an ounce of shit in their brains would believe, you know what I mean? And forget that horrible myth about nuclear energy being cheap. The cost of producing electricity from uranium is waaaaaaaaaay too high compared with other methods AFTER you factor in the hidden costs.

Listen to what Greenpeace( has to say:

"In Illinois, Maine, New Jersey, Oregon, and Connecticut, nuclear plants have been shut down by their owners before the expected end of their life because the electricity produced at these plants was too expensive. According to the Congressional Research Service, nuclear power has received more than $66 billion in taxpayer subsidies since its inception. "

And to rub salt into the wound, this site( describes nuclear power in ONE SHORT SENTENCE:

"It's an idea whose time has come, and gone."

Need I say more? Of course, the decision is really up to the two countries. But come on, these two countries don't have the spare change to fool around with. If Iran and North Korea still insist on wanting nuclear energy, they should at least wait until the cost drops. Its a no-brainer decision, really. It's much like waiting for the price of the DVD player to drop before buying one. Duh....

Oh, before I forget, I would like to wish a happy and joyous occasion to those celebrating Deepavali. (And how come it was "Divali" last year but "Deepavali" this year?) And I would also like to remind my friend Muthu to go easy on any drinks that comes from Scotland or France. As I may be taking some much needed time away from the computer over the long weekend I may not be blogging for the next few days.


Wednesday, October 22, 2003


More on the Sabah hostage saga

Yup, that's right. Our deputy Home Minister, Chor Chee Heung, has has already said that Malaysia would not pay the ransom.
At this news site it was reported that:

"Chor said police do not know where the kidnappers are holding their captives but investigations reveal they are safe and healthy, according to Bernama."

Now this is bizarre. What I want to know is, how could investigations reveal that the captives are safe and healthy when nobody seems to know where they are?
Is this some form of a psychic investigation?
I am deeply puzzled! Will someone please enlighten me?


The Sabah hostage saga - Do we give a shit?

It has been two weeks since the 10 bandits grabbed some foreign workers(3 Filipinos and 3 Indonesians) from the Borneo Paradise Eco Resort at Sungai Sabahan. Just who are those dumb shits who would kidnap six migrant workers from a two-bit camping outfit(the so-called "resort") and then expect to ransom them for 10 million ringgit? You know what pisses me off? Some foreign criminal gang(Abu Sayyaf) started kidnapping local people to get ransom from the government and now every other greedy asshole want to get in on the act. How conveniently they forget that many of the Abu Sayyaf kidnappers are now either maimed or dead.

Now, normally I do not use four letter words in this page just in case my nephew somehow reads my blog. (He's the kid with the humongous collection of jokes, and who recites them for my benefit like I am his favorite uncle.) Well, a kid can learn a lot of stuff from his uncle and I don't want his parents to accuse me of contributing to his, er, extensive vocabulary. It will be embarrassing if he goes to his parents and said, "Guess what! I learnt from my uncle today a new word that rhymes with 'duck'!".

Oh heck, let's focus on the topic at hand! Like I said, those kidnappers got me so pissed off that I can't hold back my 'other' vocabulary no more. Those dumbf**ks are just too f**king stupid to f**king realize that as far as those foreign captives are concerned,

a) The Philippines government won't pay two f**ks for them
b) The Indonesian government won't pay two f**ks for them

I am pretty sure the six unfortunate captives suspect this. Imagine the mental agony they must be going through. Those bandits must be pretty shitted up in their f**king heads to go after poor migrants working in a two-bit campground normally only frequented by schoolkids. That's right, schoolkids and not rich tourists. Sure, the Borneo Paradise Eco Resort sounds grand. But everyone knows that it is only a piece of undeveloped jungle land located in who-the-f**k-knows-where.
And why 10 million ringgit? Well, you do the maths.
They have ten bandits. Ten million for 10 pieces of shit will make each piece of shit a f**king millionaire.
Would it kill them to go get a f**king job like everybody else?

I normally do not cuss and swear. But in this case, if I don't, I 'll be guilty of dereliction of duty. This may not be in the same league as that of the Power of three of the Charmed Ones but that does not mean its not gonna work. So here goes:

"May the kidnappers develop a bad case of diarrhea with everything they eat.
And may a herd of elephants sit on them and fart continuously."

Will it work? Who knows? In the best case scenario, maybe the police will follow a shit-splattered trail leading to a herd of sitting elephants. And when the elephants stand up, we shall find the flattened kidnappers still holding their noses.

That's it. I'm done. No more swearing.


Tuesday, October 21, 2003


Teach you how to vote

The elections are coming and it is probably nearer than we think. When the general elections come around, I usually look at the pictures of the candidates before making up my mind. Call me shallow, but I base my vote on their looks alone. And if they dress smartly, hey, they got half my vote already! Any anatomically outstanding features are definitely a plus.....a very big plus.

What about their policies? That don't matter! I figure that any good policy they come up with is full of bullshit to delude the masses and will not get implemented anyway. Many politicians can't tell the front end of an elephant from the rear. And these are the people in charge of spending taxpayers' money. And I'll be darn if I am going waste time listening to politicians arrogantly spewing crap. And you can always tell when they are lying vigorously...that's when their lips are moving vigorously. From the way the MPs indulged in name calling and abusive behaviour in Parliament, you would think that these people have shit for brains. For goodness sake, this is the Parliament we are talking about. If they can't behave in Parliament, do you honestly think they are going to behave when they are debating on how to spend the taxpayers' money? Believe me, these people do their thinking out of the bunions growing on their butts. And because it is a long distance from the butt bunion to the mouth, any logical thought gets lost in the process by the time it is utterred by the tongue. And there you have the result...crap upon crap upon crap.

What about their printed manifestos? Well, don't bother reading. They useful only for wiping one thing. (For those with sensitive asses, don't try this at home!)

In that case, how are we to vote? Like I said, go for the looks. Looks don't lie. Go for the younger ones, or the ones with the better plastic surgeons. My position is clear. Old politicians who have stayed around far too long should follow Dr M's example and quit. But no, they surround themselves with dumbass supporters who tell them that they are still pretty, that "the party wants them to stay". What utter crap! After 20 years of stringing the rakyat along, they can't be pretty! Each time I see their faces on the posters, I wanna puke. For that reason, I keep a bucket handy around election time, not just only to catch my puke, but also the puke of the unfortunate election officers who have to look at their ugly mugs as well. It has been reported in the papers that some voters even refuse to shake hands with some candidates. Can you blame the rakyat? Some candidates are so ugly that you need to avert your eye when you shake hands with them. Heck, they're so damn ugly that you need to avert your eyes even when talking to them over the phone! Okay, maybe I do tend to exaggerate, but you get my drift.

Definitely vote for the prettier candidate. I tell ya, its the scientific way to vote.

Vote for him?
When the candidate starts looking like this, it is time to run.


Monday, October 20, 2003


These idiots make you write real small

Every once a month, I go to a Maybank branch to pay my credit card bill. There, I fill in a pay-in slip like everybody else. The really weird thing is that the pay-in slip has only 12 spaces for writing in the account number, but the credit card number has 16 digits. So I am forced to write 16 digits in a space meant for 12 digits. Shucks! Hey, Maybank....which one of you bozos designed such a sophisticated pay-in slip?

Maybe they should see the comic strip episode of "Calvin and Hobbes" that appeared in last Thursday(Oct 16th 2003) Star newspaper. It went something like this:

Calvin : I'm doing a crossword puzzle. Number three across says "bird".
Hobbes : Hmm.
Calvin : I've got it! "Yellow-bellied Sapsucker"!
Hobbes : But there are only five boxes.
Calvin : I know. These idiots make you write real small!

My sentiments exactly, Calvin!
And congratulations Maybank. Every once a month you friggin' morons manage to make me feel like I'm living in a comic strip.


Some changes to the format

For the next two weeks, I will be leaving my tribute to Johan Ismail on the right hand side of the blog. So my poetry is not the best in the world, but it does not matter. I need to express myself. That guy had given me great moments of laughter whenever I visited his blog. Putting up some words for him is the least I could do.


Saturday, October 18, 2003


Tribute to Johan Ismail of joe-blogs

What can I say? What can I say about a man I have never met, but had given me a fresh perspective on things in daily life? I shed tears and I feel the loss. He was witty, irreverent, hard-hitting at times and eloquent in writing. I need not have met the man to be able see his principles expressed through his blogs. He did not have a chip on his shoulder, but was just an ordinary joe who was willing to express how he felt if things do appear to be going right. There was humour and sarcasm in his rants, but no malice. He was just an ordinary joe who wanted things to be right and was willing to say it. And that made him extraordinary.

Tribute to Johan Ismail

We nodded in mirth at the things he penned
In his artful style and witty blend
For justice to find its rightful end

When much lesser men would logged off and run

Using words like a virtual blade
He said the things we left unsaid
To point to us the light ahead

There blogged Malaysia's true son

- viewtru -


We will remember you, joe-blogs

I have never met Johan Ismail of joe-blogs fame. I have however enjoyed his blogs from time to time. His writing style was witty, irreverent yet to the point. His passing away was a complete shock to me.

May he rest in peace. We will miss him.


Friday, October 17, 2003


Have they suddenly gone deaf?

It has been more than 48 hours since Datuk Seri Dr Mahathir advised veteran Barisan Nasional politicians who have been around for a long time to step down and make way for new faces. See the Star report. Now normally, when Dr M makes a statement, these veteran politians will not wait 48 hours before they jump in to add their two sens worth of support. I have been scanning the newspapers anxiously for two days now to hear the "Yeah! Yeah!" shouts of approval from the politicos and what do I find? Nothing!! Not a peep! Not a damn peep!!!

Well come on, Samy Vellu (MIC), Dr Lim Keng Yaik, Koh Tsu Koon (Gerakan), Abdul Taib Mahmud (PBB)! Where are your usual chorus of support? Didn't you hear what Dr M said? I hate to think that these politicos have suddenly gone deaf because such a medical condition will render them medically unfit to carry out their duties. All the more reason to step down in that case!

Not forgetting the opposition party, Lim Kit Siang(DAP) has also been around for a long time. Much too long and causing the DAP to become a pale shadow of the party that it once was. Frankly, I do not see a future for DAP as long as Mr Lim is there. Come on Mr Lim, your job is done and it is time to let someone else with fresh ideas take over.

Oh yeah, I'm going to miss these people when they are gone from office. I'm going to miss their statements of self-aggrandizement, bullshit, idiotic advice, and more self-aggrandizement. Oh, but then again, I am pretty sure that new politicos taking over will be equally adapt at making statements of self-aggrandizement, bullshit, idiotic advice, and more self-aggrandizement!

Okay, maybe 48 hours is too short a time to wait. I'll scan the newspapers for the next few days to see if these veteran politicians who have overstayed their welcome have anything to say before I conclude that they are truly deaf.


Thursday, October 16, 2003


Misguided mouse wipes

Since my post on Tuesday on the mouse hump, some of my friends have taken to wiping their computer mouse cleanly every morning. And these are the very folks who do not have the time of day to clean food scraps from their desks. Lotsa junk on their desks, but the computer mouse.....spotless! Oh please, enuff already! Is it really that necessary to clean the mouse every morning? Just how much juice can a little prick produce?!!!


Congratulations, taikonaut forgetme-naut

Well, congratulations to China on their first manned space flight. Suddenly, outer space is no more the preserve of the Americans and the Europeans. Hey, its getting crowded already. If a Russian spaceman is called a cosmonaut, and an American spaceman is called an astronaut, what do you call a Chinese spaceman in the English language? The western media has started calling him a "taikonaut". On the other hand, China's authorities seem to favour the term 'yuhangyuan'. Yu hang what?!! Come on, let's show some naming skills here. 'Yuhangyuan' is difficult to spell and just as difficult to pronounce. All spacemen should be called something...naut for the sake of consistency. Anything else will not sound right!

There are lots of better names than yuhangyuan. Now America and Russia often jostle on the world stage forgetting the presence of the up-and-coming power of China. Therefore, if I can put forward my humble suggestion, I would like to suggest that if the Chinese do not like the name taikonaut, then they should call their spaceman Forgetme-naut! It sounds like forget-me-not and should serve as a reminder to the two powers to take China seriously! Still not good enuff? Well, it certainly is better than the other alternative .......touchme-naut.


Wednesday, October 15, 2003


Call me Minute 5

This morning, while driving to work, I had a zen moment and was confronted with the question of what I am. If I do not access the memory, I would have very few ideas of what I am. Like a man with memory loss not knowing who or what he is. Am I then defined by the memory snippets, the mass of floating mental junk swimming aimlessly about in the brain? Heck, no. At least, I hope not!

I am a fresh moment of consciousness arriving here and now at Reality.
Call me Minute 5 of the 9th hour of today. That's when I am typing this. By the time I read this blog entry again, I will have disappeared and there is another fresh moment of consciousness arriving here and now at Reality.

Can it be that simple?

Someone said that the Tao that can be defined, named, expressed in words and whatnot is not the Tao. Itu saya tahu. What about understanding? Is the Tao that can be understood also not the Tao? I understand. Of course, by the time I read this again, the 'I' that understood will also be gone, replaced by another fresh moment of consciousness arriving here and now at Reality. And that fresh moment may not understand. In that case, because it does not understand, that will be the true Tao.

A minute has gone by. Call me Minute 6.


Tuesday, October 14, 2003


The mouse hump

One of my colleagues asked me why she frequently has to clean her mouse. I suggested that was because she does not use a mouse pad and moves her mouse all over her desk.

"Nah...that's not it...I keep a very clean desk!", she replied. that case....I can think of only one other explanation: a really horny mouse(of the biological kind) that comes out at night to hump.

"Hey you! Stop it! That's not nice!!!"

The above picture was shamelessly cropped from oldforester's page at


Monday, October 13, 2003


A dumbass joke

Over the weekend, nothing much exciting happened. I was at a wedding dinner and one of my nephews told me a really dumbass joke. This little kid is always telling me jokes for no rhyme nor reason. Can't figure out why. It's not like I'm his favourite uncle or what. The joke goes like this:

"How do you catch a monkey on a tree?"
"You go up the tree and act like a banana!"

Go up the tree and act like a banana? How dumbass can you get? Where did this kid come from?


Wednesday, October 08, 2003


The Mat Motor indicator

I have this theory that the level of respect for the law can be gauged from the behaviour of the motorcyclists in the Klang valley. If you see the motorbikes going up one-way streets as if they own the place, that would indicate that law and order is breaking down. Motorcyclists have a very finely-tuned sense of how much they can get away with, and they are frequently testing the limits of the law.Why do they do that? It is a science to them to experiment with the law so as to more accurately define the limits. Their senses are so sharp that they can tell when a traffic light is going to turn green. There was a time when they were very much well behaved, when real policemen instead of bogus policemen patrol the streets etc. What this country needs is a good teh tarik and committed politicians.
So okay, we are going to have a new Prime Minister in about 3 weeks' time.Let us hope the new PM delivers. In case you are wondering, I don't hate Mahathir. I may not be very comfortable with him but I don't hate him. He did two good things for the country in the 22 years he was PM. The first one..... he got the civil servants to clock in and out of the government offices. The second one.... heck, I can't remember the second one!

Will Pak Lah call for elections soon? Quite likely.
Will I vote? You bet your ass I will.
Will things change for the better? Well, I can always hope.
The joy of voting


Friday, October 03, 2003


Malaysian Prime Minister formula

The alternative to the RAHMAN theory
Remember the popular theory that our prime ministers names follow the alphabets R-A-H-M-A-N which is the name of our first prime minister?
R for Abdul Rahman
A for Abdul Razak
H for Hussein Onn
M for Mohammad Mahathir
A .....well, that looks like its going to be for Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
N for who knows....

The problem with this theory is that the first name that appears is the one used. Thus Abdul Razak is represented by the letter A and not R, because the name Abdul comes before the name Razak. Similarly, Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is represented by the letter A and not B. If that is the case, then the theory should be based on our first prime minister's name Abdul instead of Rahman because Abdul occurs before Rahman in the Tengku's name. Because of this, it is quite possible to say that the names all our prime ministers may not actually be following the characters R-A-H-M-A-N.

But if not R-A-H-M-A-N, then what? R-A-H-M-A-T? Nah....too unconnected. Well, we know that it is correct up to R-A-H-M- so far. What if the word is more connected to the Tengku's qualities rather than his name? If such is the case, that word could also be R-A-H-M-A-H which means something like mercy and love. After all, our first PM, the Tengku, was also known for his love of the common people.
We should therefore not preclude the possibility that the next PM after Abdullah Ahmad Badawi could be somebody with a name beginning with the letter H.
Aha! Now my friends Hassan, Hussein and Hasnah are starting to look interested.
Hey, its only a theory! Don't get your hopes up too high!


Thursday, October 02, 2003

I am angry. Angry at people who would vandalize a young sapling. I feel sad for a little sapling that could not fight back. It is truly sad that in our society there are people who have no human qualities.....people who are lower than bacteria...people who would stood so low as to torture a tree again and again. The little flame of the forest is no more. Only the memory remains. I will post its picture up next time.

Trees are living things too

Here are some words dedicated to the valiant spirit of a little tree, a young Flame of the Forest, that was planted by the MPPJ(Majlis Perbandaran Petaling Jaya) in our neighborhood. It was uprooted again and again by cruel and irresponsible people. It survived the rough treatment for as long as it could, fighting valiantly to take its rightful place in the sun.

An ode to a valiant MPPJ tree

We do not always appreciate
The greenery that come our way
A little here, a little there
Graceful trees that make our day

One day the MPPJ folks
In our neighborhood they put a tree
And planted it with skillful hands
A glorious creation all could see

It waved its branches in the breeze
A little spirit just having fun
That would one day grow to bloom
Taking its place in the sun

But it was torn right by its roots,
When vandals struck that very night
It laid for days flat in the drain
Refusing to die without a fight

We planted it back in its spot
But then the vandals struck again.
We rescued it with tender care,
Each time we found it in the drain

We knew the tree might not survive,
The unfair onslaughts that came its way
So we spoke kindly to it each time
It had to fight another day

Then one sad morning it was gone
The victim of a cruel hand
With MPPJ we shared the loss
And said a prayer for our fallen friend.

Vandalism in PJ

Why is it that people do destructive things such as pulling out trees that have been planted on the ground? They vandalize for no good rhyme or reason. A young tree that has been planted in our neighborhood has been vandalized time and time again. I must admire that tree. It took a lot of punishment from senseless idiots but it soldiered on refusing to die. It was less than 5 ft tall but was definitely tall in spirit.

The MPPJ is conducting a tree planting exercise in the SS3 neighborhood in Petaling Jaya. Each time I drive by, I see young saplings by the roadside, waving their branches in the wind and catching the sunlight. It was like passing through a network of young eager trees that would one day grow into adults. Anybody would feel good.


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