Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Not as dreadful as Mondays or as life-enhancing as Fridays. It’s a day between extremes. Nothing exciting seems to happen on Wednesdays so much so that I have taken to calling it the WWWWWWWWW.
Or, more appropriately:
Wishy Washy Wednesdays When Women Won’t Want Wanton Whanging
I need to set myself some challenges just for Wednesdays to make it a little less boring. Like maybe attempting to shit out an L-shaped turd. Okay, that's gross. Let's do something else instead.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
New Year trio
It is not the sort of stunt that you may be able to do, because you will need to plant your face accurately in another girl’s bush.
This type of precision activity is not for everybody. Better leave it to the professionals who know exactly what they are doing.
Yeah……..hold it right there baby. Your dedication to your job is a great inspiration to us all. I dunno about you but I am inspired already.
Don't try this at home. Not unless you know exactly what you are doing. And it is not polite to keep spitting out strands of hair while mumbling sounds of "Phhhhrrrrttt......ptui." Like I said, better leave it to the professionals.
Friday, February 16, 2007
New year pig poetry
Woke up this morning in my bed
And wondered why my thing so big
Auspicious sign for things ahead
Big fortune come in Year of Pig
In year of dog I worked like dog
This year must change change a bit
Sleep like pig in Year of Hog
But God of Wealth appeared one shot
He said, “Wake up, no time to snore!
This year, wealth, luck, everything got!
Welcome to the Year of Boar!”
+ + +
It is not dignified poetry, I know. But if you wish to SMS this to your friends, by all means go ahead. I don’t think I will be blogging during the holidays, so to everybody, I wish you all a
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I hoped that your Valentine Day yesterday was meaningful. I try not to celebrate Valentine’s Day because it has an unpleasant history of violence and suicide(depending on which version of its history that you believe). To me, Feb 14 is just an ordinary day. But restaurants will try to charge suckers double for the same lousy fare on that day.
Love may be the steering wheel, but lust is the engine's raw horsepower. Get that?
By the way, the answer to yesterday’s riddle…….I phorgot the phamous answer. But I know it’s not phlunk, or phirework.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
There was some junk mail in my mailbox from Yahoo saying “Now's the best time to get your web address. Just $1.99 for the first year.”
Cheap. Dirt cheap. Probably cheaper than dirt. But it doesn’t say how much it will cost ya for the second year.
Oh, in case you are interested, I migrated to the new Blogger today, because I didn't have a choice. I was perfectly happy with the Old Blogger account but they insisted that I change.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Mirror, mirror on the wall
And what am I?
Do body parts define me?
Does knowing what I look like has any bearing on what I am?
Would I be asking these odd questions if mirrors had not been invented?
Maybe not. Mirrors only serve to confuse us as to our true identity…..which is…..a whole lot of hot air seeking an outlet.
Weird. It’s as if there are billions of toy characters on this little toy planet with each one wired differently, and I have somehow entered into one of them. If that is the case, can I un-enter from this one and enter into another one? This is deep, really deep.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
English lesson for today
But then your England is damn jialat and you don’t know what the heck the damn slogan means.
Well, yer in luck, coz I am here to explain things.
It means that if your boyfriend’s name is Buck, you will need to feed him Viagra.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Auspiciously good days
The best day to start work is the fourth day(Wednesday) of the New Year. Most auspicious time: 1100 to 1300. It will be good for all EXCEPT for those born in the year of the Dragon. Dragons have to pick another day.
The next good day will be the 6th day. Best time: Morning 0700 to 0900. Good for all except the Horses.
If those two days are not possible, then the third day of New Year is a bit all right. Not so good, but all right.
Frankly, I don’t think it really matters. Good day or no good day, you still have to put forth your best, to live richly, to get involved, to feel, and to leave a lasting impact on the world. On any day, as long as you have breath left in your body, you too, can make a positive difference.
Okay, enough of all that motivational talk. As far as I am concerned, any day is a good day to
Thursday, February 01, 2007
UFO in Ipoh
Look, if you are visiting Ipoh, my advice to you is not to pick up any strange girls. She could be an alien intending to perform unmentionable experiments on humans with sharp spiky implements. So, be careful out there.
But say that you gave in to your lord and master under your zip…..and picked up a hottie in Ipoh. How can you tell if the girl you picked up is an alien?
Well, give her the visual once over. If her figure is perfect, really really perfect, then she could be an alien. This is not a very reliable test, because one look at her perfect figure and.....wah lau eh.....your lord and master under your zip will short circuit your brains and most of you actually end up forgetting your own surname. Mr Gan will think that he is Mr Gun. And Mr Wong will think he is Mr Dong. Horrors!
Nemind.....got Plan B.
Try this other test instead: you can ask her about Ipoh kway teow, and if she has not heard of it, then she is definitely an alien.
Still not sure? Then offer her some Ipoh kway teow. If she opens up a panel in her stomach and shoves the kway teow neatly into the atomic cold-vapour separator located inside, then she definitely is an alien.
Run like hell. You'll need to outrun her UFO. So, good luck to you.
Let’s move on to a more familiar topic.
I see that the government is serious in trying to find the cause of floods. Got special technical committee summore.
“A special technical committee has been set up to study the causes of the flood and we are in the process of getting experts to join it,”
My neighbours and I have also conducted our own scientific research and we believe that we now know the truth.
The special technical committee is in luck. I am feeling particularly generous today, so I will let them have the answer for free.
So listen up, ya people…..the cause of the flood was…….water.