Monday, May 31, 2004
T'was a morning strange
While eating breakfast, I saw yet another strange phenomenon. I frequently eat roti canai(also called roti prata or pancake) in the morning. The roti canai guy was flipping his roti canais on the flat pan. He normally has about 6 rotis on the pan at a time, and he would flip them one by one to cook the other side of the roti. While flipping the rotis, one of them landed on the floor with a "plop". I paused in my eating and stared at the fallen roti hard, but it did not move. Don't ask me if it died from the fall 'cos I was much too astonished to ponder inconsequential stuff like that. Finally a waitress picked it up and took it behind to throw away, or maybe feed the cat with it.
Two odd things happening in one morning. What do they mean? Are the aliens trying to send me a message through signs and omens? Wouldn't it be easier to just send me a text message? But I usually switch off my handphone everyday to conserve the battery. Hey, maybe that's the message.....to keep my handphone switched on!
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Flattered I am
Regular visitors to this blog will remember that on April 27th, I blogged on Malaysian Idol and I had a fictitious character called Ah Sik singing the song “Try M.C.A.” which was also sung to the tune of “Y.M.C.A.”
This is too much of a coincidence. What I am wondering is, did TV8 copy the idea from me? They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. And I am flattered. I do not mind if people borrow ideas from me now and then, but isn’t it a polite thing to do to at least offer me a teh tarik? ‘Cos that’s my favourite drink. And it would give me an opportunity to turn them down.
Yoda has this to say:
"Imitation NOT the most sincere form of flattery.
Like I said before, aliens are a bad influence on humans.
Friday, May 28, 2004
For those who have not been following my postings, I should perhaps mention that Rotiboy is not the name of the latest gigolo sensation, although it is a nice name. Not exactly in the same rocking class as "Dicky boy" or "Stiffy boy", but still a nice name, nevertheless. It actually refers to buns. No, not those buns of steel on the gigolo, but the buns you buy in a bread shop.
What am I supposed to conclude from this? That people are now more interested in philoshophy than sex? Oh, come on, people....get your priorities straight! For those religious philosophical types who are here.....please take a greater interest in sex will ya? If you are still pondering the philosophy of why you are here, let me give it to you in all honesty: your parents have been humping. Sorry chaps, but that's the sad truth.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Minding the language around kids
“What you saying, uncle?”
“Yes, you said something!”
“I was talking in a foreign language.”
“Wah! So terror oh....I want to learn!”
“No!You must not!”
“’Cos you’re not a foreigner”
“What’s a forlainer?”
“Never mind, go away.”
“If you doan teach, I ask mummy to teach me what you said!”
Oh shit! Knowing his mum, that’s gonna open up a high-level investigation into my vocabulary. Nay, make that a Royal Commission of Inquiry. Time to try the old trick of deflection, otherwise known as Tai Chi.
So I said, “I’m going out to get an ice-cream. You want to come or you want to learn foreign language?”
“Very, very sure?”
“Yes, uncle! Doan wan forlain langwage!”
"Okay, go put on your shoes. And give me a salute."
Heheheh!!! Dumbass kid has no defence against Tai Chi! So we went to the nearby shops and he picked out the most expensive ice-cream there. The kid’s got expensive taste. Probably the fact that his uncle was paying had something to do with it. Yeah, I got an ice-cream for myself too. And after that, he wanted some other thing as well. So I had to take out my wallet again. Eh.....hello? Money don’t grow on trees, kid!
With nephews like that, how am I supposed to get very rich?
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Ideas that can't sell
With words like that, you know that this is a parody and that he is not to be taken seriously.
You want to know my idea? It's just one sentence to appeal to the vanity in boys:
"If you don't stop doing it, your right arm will grow very much bigger than your left arm and you'll look like a lopsided freak."
Gosh, I ought to patent this sentence. But, no, it's not my business what people do. Besides, I may want to own shares in the tissue paper industry.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Confucius was not confused.
"......Roselan had remarked among others that “if you cannot fight rape, better lie down and enjoy it”.
Roselan attributed the remark to Confucius when opening a legal literacy seminar for women on Saturday.
And this was at a legal literacy seminar for women? First he insulted the women, then he insulted Confucius. Who is he going to insult next? The Sabah Chief Minister Datuk Musa Aman is trying to apply some serious damage control. But I think, instead of advising Roselan(who had announced his intention to contest for the Kota Kinabalu Umno division chief post) to be careful with his words in future, Datuk Musa should just advise him to forget about politics. We already have too many politicians with foot-in-mouth diseases. I don't think there is even standing room for one more. And after Roselan becomes a failed politician, he can always "lie down and enjoy it."
Here's an appropriate Confucian saying for all aspiring politicians: "Respect for others will gain respect in return."
Monday, May 24, 2004
New respect for India
I've got to say this; that our political maturity needs some more work.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Saturday Night Fever on the rooftop
The thing about Saturday Night Fever is that the music is so catchy that you just want to dance along with it.....no matter what the situation......even if you are on the rooftop wearing inappropriate footwear like Japanese slippers.....
Here I am,
Prayin' for this moment to last,
Livin' on the music so fine,
Borne on the wind,
Makin' it mine.
Night fever, night fever.
We know how to do it.....
Way to go, dude! Ummm.........nice slippers!
Friday, May 21, 2004
I was a 6-year old singer.....yeah right.....
Still, I am amazed that kids as young as 6-years old are fans of American Idol. I remember that when I was 6-years old, I knew only 2 songs: "Rasa Sayang" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep". Are kids getting more musically inclined at a younger age today? Can 6-year old kids really appreciate music? I did not remember appreciating music when I was that young. The reason why I sang those songs was because my teacher had an unidentified weapon in her hand. The threat was enough to make any cow sing. So when I sang "Rasa Sayang", there was nither "Rasa" nor "Sayang". And when I was singing "Baa Baa Black Sheep", I kept wondering WTF was "Sheep" and "Wool". I only knew "goat" and "hair" at that age, see?
Oh, now that American Idol is drawing towards the end of the season, the remaining two finalists are as exciting as spiders in a cupboard. *Yawn*. I can only remember one song that gave me goosebumps in the whole competition. That was Jennifer Hudson's rendition of the "Circle of Life"(Elton John's hit in "The Lion King") which was simply superb. That kid should go places.
A word from M.A.T.E.O.W.L., our sponsor:
"If cooking wild animals is not hazardous to your health, just give us a call, and we'll come and fix that for you."
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Lessons in phone network congestion for Malaysian Idol
To quote the the article:
"Busy signals met more than 100 calls placed by the AP from Los Angeles and the home states of Fantasia Barrino of High Point, N.C., Diana DeGarmo of Snellville, Ga. and Jasmine Trias of Mililani, Hawaii. A total of four votes were cast."
I do not know how the Malaysian phone network operates. With such a lot of people using the network to cast their phone votes, will it affect other phone users? Will it be next to impossible to call the number '994' to report a fire if too many people are using their phones to cast their votes for 'Malaysian Idol' at the same time? The producers of 'Malaysian Idol' must address this concern and let the public know the impact of the show on emergency services. And Telekom(or 'terrorkom' of Dr Liew's description) must take steps to ensure that the network is robust enough to withstand the expected voting onslaught. I do not think the rakyat is prepared to sacrifice emergency services just for a TV show. We expect early preparations to be made instead of giving us all sorts of excuses later like "....we don't know what happened....", "....the aliens did it....", "....it was an act of God.....", "...it was Murphy's law....", "....people really shouldn't have emergencies during the show......" etc and etc.
Before I sign off, a word from our latest sponsor, M.A.T.E.O.W.L. :
"Cooking wild animals is hazardous to wild animals."
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Malaysians Against The Eating Of Wild Life
That mainland chef has the correct attitude. We have no good reason to eat wild animals today. With the depleting wild life in our jungles, we should try our best to conserve the remaining wild life stocks. By abstaining from wild life meat, poachers would have less reason to go into the jungle. I fail to see the rationale for eating these exotic fare like squirrels, musang, monitor lizard and wild boar. True, they won't have as many chemicals as commercially reared animals, but would it make a difference in our health? Of course not! You know what would make a difference? Exercise, and lots of it. Yet many people fail to exercise and then try to make up for it by eating a kilogram or two of exotic meats for dubious benefits. And after that, they die anyway.
There are more Malaysians having shotgun licences than can be justified. These weekend warriors go into the jungle to take potshots at anything that moves and sometimes end up shooting their friends. That is not so bad. Some end up accidentally shooting themselves(again, not so bad). What is bad is that they shoot wild boars and deers, after which the tigers will have less quarry. Then the tigers would have to move closer to human settlements to take a goat or two. Can we blame the tigers? Hunters take their food, so what choice do tigers have except to take our food? Some poachers even take pot shots at the tigers, thus wounding them. The wounded tiger will not be able to hunt normally and will have a high probability of turning into a man-eater. After that we send in wildlife officials to shoot the man-eater when it should be the hunters who ought to be shot.
You know what we should do? We should note down all those restaurants serving wildlife meat and post the information up in a cyberspace hall of shame. And we should start a M.A.T.E.O.W.L. campaign. This has nothing to do with the mating of owls, but stands for Malaysians Against The Eating Of Wild Life. If more bloggers get into the act, we'll drum this message frequently into the Malaysian public that somehow, eating wild life is wrong.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Bad use of good pussy
Is that possible? And how could she walk without that thing dropping out? And all this while I thought that grenades were bigger than ping pong balls. Sheeeesh......she must have been much bigger internally than what everybody thought. I guess a lot of things are possible if you put your....er....mind....to it. But I don't think I'll ever again trust a woman who doesn't carry a handbag.
"Excuse me, how do you carry your stuff? And why is it sticky wet?"
Monday, May 17, 2004
Not enough work.......so watch commercials
Stations with foreign ads irk Cabinet and I asked myself, "What? Some people have time to watch commercials?"
To quote the article:
"According to ministry officials, among the commercials which received the wrath of the Cabinet were the Pepsi advertisement that featured singers Britney Spears, Pink and Beyonce in ancient Gladiator-like costumes that exposed much of their body, and the Visa credit card commercial that featured the tut-tut three-wheel taxi of Thailand."
Okay, the Gladiator-like commercial was shallow and stupid, but I have no quarrrel with their costumes. One has to look at such things from a historical viewpoint. Gladiators wore such things in the past. In fact, in some movies, some gladiators even go about practically bare-chested in ancient Rome.
As for the other commercial about the tut-tut of Thailand, I thought that was hilarious. The guy's expression was something that I don't think many actors can copy. I don't know what the officials found so objectionable about that. Was it the garish tut-tut? If they had taken a trip to Sabah, they would have found a lot of people(even logging truck drivers) decorating their vehicles in the most garish ways imaginable. And this has been going on for years and years.
Know what I think? I think the bow-tie fella should just tell the others to shut up and concentrate on more important things that matter...... such as the lowering of Astro fees. And besides, don't 'important' people have better things to do than just watch commercials......such as running the country? I'm beginning to think that some of them don't have enough work to do.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Do the gods envy us?
Mortals envy the gods because gods cannot die. And why should the gods envy us? Imagine that you are playing a game of badminton against a baby. There is no way you can lose. So you win every time again and again. Imagine that you have to play this game everyday for all eternity. The game soon loses its meaning. But still you have to haul your ass to the badminton court to play against the baby, win, and play again. It soon becomes a torture and you will start to think about how to escape from playing the game. It is precisely because you can't lose, that the game loses all meaning. So it is with the gods. It is because they can't die that life loses all meaning. Which is why they envy humans, because humans are mortal. I do sympathise with the gods.
There was a similar story written by science fiction author, Isaac Asimov, called "The Bicentennial Man". There was this robot that cannot die. Every time a part of him fails, the part gets replaced and he lives on as good as new. One day, the robot decided that enough is enough. He wanted to become a human, because humans can die. So he searched the world looking for ways to replace his body parts with something more biological that can fail. He died happy.
Oh, about the movie. There was a lot of ping ping pang pang with swords and spears. Brad Pitt was nude in one scene but we did not get to see his schlong. Errr..sorry, ladies.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Iraq: Testing my Fallujah analysis
The sunnis form about 35% of the Iraqi population, with sunni Kurd at about 23% and sunni Arab about 12%. This is slightly different from Saddam Hussein's census figures. But Saddam Hussein has been known to register many kurds(as well as other minorities) as sunni Arabs, so I have adjusted the figures slightly based on gut feel. It is not scientific, but I am testing my analysis, remember? The kurds outnumber the Arab sunnis 2 to 1, and there is no love lost between them. The Baathists(or Saddamists) derive their strength from the Arab sunni mostly. How did 12% of the population managed to control the whole of Iraq under Saddam Hussein? Well, he had 2 things: oil wealth and tanks. The oil wealth was necessary to buy support from tribal leaders and the tanks to threaten whole villages.
Recently, some former Baathist army generals VOLUNTEERED to take over the security of Fallujah from coalition forces. One year of fighting has passed and the generals are only now volunteering? What do they hope to gain?
This is my analysis: When the Americans overran Iraq last year, some circles must have thought that the Americans would not be able to suffer more than 500 deaths without any political fallout at home. A Vietnam-type of scenario would be politically untenable. It was thought that the American public would not accept such a high figure of fatalities, and would force the American president to withdraw. Well, that figure of 500 has been surpassed, Bush is still not cracking, and there are no large anti-war rallies in America. What went wrong? Something has changed America.
In the past year, the Baathists' fighting tactics were to try to turn Iraq into Vietnam so that the Americans will get out and then things can go back to where they were as before. But after a year of fighting, it must become apparent to the Baathists that things cannot go back to where they were. Even if the Americans get out, what then? The Arab sunnis have no hope of ruling over the whole of Iraq as before. This is because they don't have the two crucial stuff: oil wealth and tanks. 12% of the population just cannot rule the other 88% anymore. The Baathists may also recognise another crucial fact: the strongest fighting forces in Iraq today are the Kurds. A decade ago. Saddam Hussein, even with tanks, could not overrun the Kurdish lands, and had to cede autonomy to the Kurds. Today, the situation is even more advantageous to the Kurds. The Kurds now control Mosul and Kirkuk, and with them the northern oil wells. And their forces are stronger and more well-armed. Not only that, they would be able to recruit Kurd fighters from the big Kurd communities in the neighbouring countries. The Baathists could not hope to wrest back control of Kirkuk. They will try to make problems for the Kurds, but the numerically superior Kurds will be able to outmatch them.
A weaker enemy would be the shiites. The Baathists will try to rule the shiite lands as before, but this time the going is going to be much tougher. The shiites do not have many fighting forces. The only one of note are the Iranian-trained Badr Corps of Al-Hakim. The other one, Sadr's al-Mahdi army is largely untested and did not perform well against the American soldiers.. Ahmad Challabi also has some fighting forces masquerading as security personnel, but nobody knows how good they are. I would say that the Baathists may have better fighting forces, but without tanks and oil money, they would not be able to stamp their authority over the shiites. Also, the main prize, Basra and its oilfields, is far away from the sunni population centres. Sooner or later, the shiites will win(either with or without Iranian help) and the Arab sunnis will be pushed back to the sunni triangle again where they will starve.
Things don't look good for the Arab sunnis. All the oilfields are controlled by the sunni Kurds and the Arab shiites. I think it is this scenario that have pushed the Baathist generals to negotiate with the Americans. By forming the Fallujah Brigade, the Baathists hope to have a share of the power. It will also provide an avenue for the rehabilitation of many former Baathists. Of course this is only a theory. Like it or not, I think the Americans will have to acknowledge that the Baathists still command a lot of loyalty from the Arab sunnis. The Baathists have an uneasy relationship with the shiites. When the Americans laid siege to Fallujah, the shiite mosques in south Iraq started collecting food and medicine to send them to Fallujah. They even called the Fallujah fighters their brothers. But later, when the Fallujah Brigade was formed by the Baathist generals, the shiites were outraged and graffiti sprung up in Basrah condemning the Baathist generals. What, suddenly they're not brothers anymore?
Do I have a prediction? Sure. Ayatollah Sistani was earlier widely expected to issue a fatwa on June 30th condemning the interim Iraqi constitution drafted by Paul Bremer. After seeing how difficult it is to govern Iraq, I think Sistani will not issue the fatwa. Also, the Arab sunnis will come to terms to the fact that they are only 12% of the population, don't control any oilfields, and are in no position to dictate the path of Iraq to the other 88% as before. June 30th will tell if I am right.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Iraqi Shia chess game revisited
One month has passed, and eerily enough, I have been proven correct. Good eh? And I am no military mind and have never even been to Iraq. This article on "Thousands March in Iraq Protesting Al-Sadr" shows the eroding of support for Al-Sadr. Some shiites have even taken matters to a physical level as reported lately in this article "Shiites form counter-militia to attack al-Sadr's army" Who is this unknown militia that is killing the al-Sadr fighters? My guess is that the Badr Corps are somehow involved, but this is only a conjecture on my part. Not only that, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani's men are in the process of further isolating the cleric Al-Sadr. Read this recent article on "Shi'ites tell Sadr's men to go home"
Sistani sees in Sadr as an usurper all too willing to challenge his authority, and a disruptive element that could jeopardize the chances of the Shiites to reach their objective in dominating the Iraqi political scene.
To me all this is very clear, and part and parcel of the political manouvres. Human nature is human nature. This is a Shiite chess game. What is not clear to me is how so many local political commentators are unable to see this. What, are they blind?
Sadr did achieve one thing: by continually ignoring Sistani's fatwa, he showed that it is okay not to listen to the fatwa of a Grand Ayatollah. In some measure, he has undermined the influence of the clerics over the Shiite populace.
The divide between the Shiites and Arab sunnis is not so great as to be impossible to surmount. The divide between the Kurds and Arab sunni is far greater. The Kurds see no reason why they should live with the Arabs. The animosity between Kurds and Arabs have been long-standing and is the reason Kurds have been fleeing Fallujah. The anger which the Kurds feel towards the Arabs will take a long time to heal(maybe a generation, , maybe more).
Events in Iraq will muddle forward, until the U.S. presidential elections in November. If John Kerry wins the U.S. presidency, and pulls out the U.S. troops suddenly from Iraq(he's gotta be very dumb to try that, but who knows?), then all hell will break loose in Iraq. The Kurds will control Northern Iraq including the oil-producing region of Kirkuk. The Shiites will control the other oil-producing region of Basra. The Arab Sunnis will control the central region which has no oil, and then they will face starvation. An oil-for-food programme can work only if there is oil. The Arab sunnis, led by the Baath party, will have no choice but to attack the Kurds or the Shiites. Either that or starve. Or beg. That's when all hell will break loose. Will there be wholesale genocide? Well, it has happened before. Civil war is usually an ugly thing. Strangely enough, the one group that will benefit from a civil war is the Kurds. That will give them an opportunity to break away from the Arabs and form their own country. And even neighbouring Turkey, Syria and Iran will not be able to prevent that. This is not a forecast of things to come, but merely a reading of the current climate. It is a highly complicated situation there, so let's not get ourselves involved in it.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Pin it on the aliens
Why are aliens invisible? I don't know. I once read that if a lifeform is based on a neutrino rather than a neutron, it would not be visible to us. This is because the neutrino can pass through most solids that we know. Of course this theory is too far-fetched. I prefer to go for the more canggih Klingon Cloaking Device theory(ala Star Trek). From the Mexican Air Force video, we now know that they, or the vehicles they used, emit infrared rays, and therefore heat.
If aliens are interfering in our world, that would explain the extinction of the Neanderthals. The activities of humans in the prehistoric days would not have been capable of causing that extinction. Even today, there are signs of alien interference. If you look at the map of the world, you would notice that most trouble spots are in muslim inhabited lands. This runs counter to a statistically even distribution. With oil riches, there is trouble. Without oil riches, there is also trouble. Where they speak arabic, there is trouble. Where they don't speak arabic, there is also trouble. Statistically speaking, can this be possible? Or even probable? I can only come to one conclusion......that somehow the aliens are at it again.
Of course I have no way of proving this.....yet.
Monday, May 10, 2004
Smoke gets in your mind
Oh wait, on an unrelated line of thought, I once read somewhere that if you smoke while making love, then you must have been doing it too damn fast. Yeah, yeah, like this bit of knowledge is ever gonna be helpful to anyone........apart from the Flash.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
The remarkable creation
Listen, ye mortals.....in order to ensure that the affairs of men get accomplished, Heaven created the remarkable thing commonly known to humans as "THE LAST MINUTE".
Yeah, good people, what would we all do without this important piece of creation? And I am such a frequent user of this as well.
Friday, May 07, 2004
Got this pic through the email.
Don't you just admire people who can sleep just about anywhere? I am not one of those people. If I travel on an overnight coach, I would stay awake all night. And in a strange hotel room, I seldom drop off before 1 a.m. But some people have the ability to catnap. I once had a taxi driver who came to my house to pick me up to the airport. While waiting for me to put on my shoes and lug my bags to the gate, he flipped down his car seat to get in a short nap. By the time I got my bags to his taxi, he was already snoring away. Boy, was I surprised.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
What working life did
Riddle: Who is the son of Dracula?
I would crack up whenever I heard it. It's so Malaysian. I am still amazed to this day at how little it took to entertain me. If you asked me today who the son of Dracula was, I would probably answer you,
"I do not think Dracula engages in sex because he does not have sufficient blood to maintain an erection........which is why he has to continually look for blood, see?"
Great balls of fire! I have become boring. This is what working life does to you.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Teaching the Thais
Najib: We can help Thais find solutions to problems with militants.
Very good of you Najib. Go there and teach the Thais a thing or too. We're so proud of you.
But wait...I remember reading somewhere that the muslims in southern Thailand get their water for free. So it may be a good idea for Najib to learn something from the Thais as well. If he is a good learner, water bills will soon be a thing of the past. Dare I hope? Nahhhhhhhh..............