Saturday, January 28, 2006



The streets were a bit empty today. Where are all the traffic jams? I don't know what mom is cooking tonight, but I am sure that it will be something good......and expensive. The larger prawns were going for something like a hefty RM70-80 ringgit per kg this morning at the market. Yes, we are having prawns tonight. And duck as well. Also some vegetable tempura. That’s all the info I can glean for the moment.

There will be no updates for this blog until I get back from my vacation at the end of next week.

Okay, it is time for the yearly auspicious greetings. I've decided to be slightly more flamboyant this year and put out this blog's Chinese New Year greetings in a more organized format. Have a great time ahead, dudes and dudettes!

For this New Year let me say;
"One road smooth wind" where you go!
"Dragon horse sperm God" every day!
"Step step high rise" career grow!

"Year year got fish" house got rice!
What you wish "Heart think deed done!"
"Slant luck claw hand" also nice!
"Gong Xi Fa Cai" EVERYONE!


Friday, January 27, 2006


How the Dog got into the Chinese Zodiac.

The Year of the Cock(or Rooster) is coming to a close. I will remember this period as the year that I got involved in writing stories.

I started out by writing science fiction, ONE - The oration of Attu33, the robot, which I consider to be my finest piece of work.

Then I experimented with screenplay, in the nonsensical Viewtru’s Lantern Tale.

After that I branched into inane wuxia in the Twin Dragons of Li Daifu. And of course, I entered the NanoWrimo challenge with the 3-in-1 Kungfu Girl.

All in, it had been a satisfying year. Somehow, the Year of the Cock had encouraged me to write more cock than usual.

I do not know if I will write any stories in the year of the Dog, but I would like to end the Year of the Cock with yet another story:

How the Dog got into the Chinese Zodiac.

The story happened a long time ago.

The Jade Emperor of Heaven had already named ten animals for the Chinese Zodiac and was on the verge of deciding on the eleventh animal. Every creature wanted to have its place in the Zodiac and they descended on the Jade Emperor to argue their case.

“The lion is called the King of Beasts,” argued one of the lions. “It is only right that the next year be called the Year of the Lion!”

“No! No! No!” exclaimed the elephants, “We are the strongest animals in the land. It should be called the Year of the Elephant!”

“How about the Year of the Camel?” asked the camel.

“Everybody knows that the pig is the cleanest animal,” proclaimed the pig, “and cleanliness is next to godliness! It should be the Year of the Pig!”

The other animals were totally dumbfucked by that claim, but then they too came out with equally ridiculous claims of their own.

The Jade Emperor had had enough. He was getting irritated and wished that the animals would leave him alone.

In desperation, he walked into the Hall of Peace and Harmony, hoping for some peace of mind. But the animals trekked into the Hall and continued shouting and haranguing him.

Finally, the Jade Emperor could not take it any more. "If only they would kill each other, then maybe I will get some peace and quiet around here."

A brilliant idea struck him.

"Listen," he announced to them, "the choice will be made based on the survival of the fittest. The last animal left alive in this hall will get the year named after him!”

The hall became silent, as the animals digested the meaning.

“Those of you who do not wish to stay and fight can leave this hall,” continued the Jade Emperor. “But once you leave, the door will swing shut and you will not be able to get back inside again!"

With that he left the hall, grinning cleverly to himself.

Inside the great hall, the animals started snarling and growling at each other. They would fight to the death to have their name in the Celestial Zodiac. Guts and blood would be spilt today.

Some of the weaker animals sensed that they would not be a match for the bigger ones, and they prepared to leave. The lions roared horrifyingly, sending shivers down the spines of many an animal inside the hall.

From outside, the Jade Emperor watched as the door of the hall opened and some animals trickled out. The door closed. Then it opened again and more animals ran out. Soon it became a stampede. Even the rhinoceros ran out.....followed by the elephants.

“I guess the lions are too terrifying for the rest to take on,” muttered the Jade Emperor.

But then the doors opened again and the lions ran out.

In amazement, the Jade emperor watched as the animals gathered outside the hall and gestured heatedly. Some animals tried to get back into the hall, but the door would not open. It could only be opened from inside. The elephants then tried to break down the door, but it would not budge. Some animals wailed while others snarled at each other. Some started bashing the pig.

Full of curiosity, the Jade Emperor magically transported himself into the hall. There were no animals inside, except for two dogs lying unconscious on the floor, a male and a female, both stuck together in sexual union. Quickly, the Jade Emperor revived the dogs and demanded an explanation on what had happened.

“It was like this,” explained the male dog. “I was getting ready to do battle, but then this bitch here got into heat suddenly. My basic instinct was to hump her first before all other matters, so I mounted and plugged her while all the other animals around us were fighting. Suddenly, one fella gave out a smelly fart. The fart was so astoundingly stinking that all the indoor plants died! Nobody could breathe and then everybody stampeded to get out of the room!”

“Why didn’t you two leave as well?” asked the Jade Emperor.

“Are you kidding?” asked the dog. “It takes about half an hour for a dog to withdraw his dick from the bitch. I tried to run, but the bitch was still stuck to me. We pulled and we pulled but we just could not come apart. Then we decided to walk sideways together towards the door, but we must have fainted before we reached it.”

“Hmmmm,” muttered the Jade Emperor, thinking deeply. “Technically speaking, you dogs are the only species left alive in the hall. Therefore, you have won the right to have the year named after you. The Year of the Dog it is!”

“All right!” yelled the joyous dogs.

Thus the dog became the eleventh animal of the Chinese Zodiac.

(Moral of the story: When all the idiots around you are fighting, ignore them all and go get some hot sex.)

The Jade Emperor turned to walk away. He paused, and then he turned his head back to ask one more question, “Do you know why the other animals are bashing up the pig outside?”

“Oh,” answered the dogs, “it was the pig that farted.”

“And he cleared the entire hall with just that? Astonishing!” exclaimed the Jade Emperor. “Guess who is gonna be the twelfth animal of the Zodiac!”


Thursday, January 26, 2006


Are you dog-savvy?

To understand the coming Year of the Dog, we need to understand dogs.

I may be no fengshui master, but logically speaking, to understand the dog, we gotta think like a dog. It helps if you look like a dog, but it ain’t gonna be the same as thinking like one. Or so I've heard.

Dogs are actually easy creatures to read. They have such simple minds that if dogs were recipes, they’ll be instructions for frying eggs. You just can't get simpler than that.

What we really need is some serious practice in reading those canines. We’re in luck, coz I unabashedly purloined a pic from some magazine to help us in a dog-reading exercise.

Relax, this may not be as complicated as it looks.

The first dog from the left, well that’s obviously the bitch in heat. Reading its smug facial expression, one can tell that this bitch is experiencing contentment. The sex isn’t mindblowing, but her G-spot is sufficiently well taken care of. The bitch has probably done this thousands of time, and can tell the difference between a great stud and an ordinary one. Yep, this one’s a slut.

The second dog is a more difficult case to read. It is plugging the bitch hard and the body position tells us that he is in the throes of sexual convulsion, not even noticing that he is getting plugged from behind. Or maybe it did notice, but was too far gone to care. Or maybe it did care, but was too ignorant to know that such things are not supposed to happen in the animal world. Obviously this one’s a virgin.

The third dog, ahhhhh……he’s busily plugging the second dog in the hiney hole and at the same time waiting to be plugged from behind. There’s no doubt about it. This one’s a gay. And an opportunistic one at that.

The fourth dog looks old, and is in position like he’s just about to plug the gay dog. But no, it’s not making pelvic contact yet. I detect a level of uncertainty here. Like it is pondering hesitantly the next step what to do. It has done this before, but just can’t remember what! Damn, this dog is senile!

It must be pretty obvious by now that this dog-reading thingy ain’t no rocket science, that’s for sure. So yeah, we’re ready for the Year of the Dog.
Bring it on!


Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Chin Tu Lan says “Football not stupid”

I won’t be blogging much next week during the Chinese New Year period. In fact, with one week of leave, it will be the ideal time to go off for a short holiday. It won’t be the first time that I have gone of somewhere during the festive period. Did I miss the noisy crackers, the hot weather, the same dry cookies, and the various relatives I never knew I had? Muahahahahah… wouldn’t want to know!

Chin Tu Lan is guest blogging here for the next topic.

Chin Tu Lan says
“Football not stupid lah!”

Wa piang, how can any female think that football is stupid? I will not name the lady blogger who said that, but I give you a clue okay? She like very stressful one, always fuck this shit and fuck that shit. No more shit left to fuck, also she fuck. How not to get stressed out? Damn jia lat man.

Actually, football is not stupid. It is only very slightly misunderstood. I think it was the great Confucius who said that people who don’t understand football will not know that the world is round.

But first, let me explain what ‘stupid’ means. You know hor, the human brain got left brain and right brain one. When both brains cooperate, everything works okay. But when one brain go left and the other brain want to go right, the brains will be split apart, and that is when people can really become stupid. Actually, the proper description to use is “torn asunder” and not “split apart” but I don’t want you people to think that I am trying to show off that my vocaboorary is damn power like that. Must be humble, mah.

However, it has been scientifically proven BEYOND ALL DOUBT that people who watch football can become very clever one. Then the two brains become united and work 100% again.

Okay, maybe it is better that I explain with a football-related picture so that you can better understand the concept. Not say I don't trust your ability to understand simple things, but a picture is better.

I look at the picture and then, wah lau eh, I suddenly become very intelligent already. Hooiyoh! If I look some more kau kau I may even become a genius. Very miracle one! That is because the left brain and right brain become very united and think quickly in one direction only. Not say I say one, but football has this effect on people to develop the “smarts”.

Actually the proper words should be “intellectual prowess” and not “smarts”, but again you may think that I try to show off my damn power vocaboorary. Kanineh, I hate being misunderstood. Worse than I hate being humble.

But nemind, if you don’t believe that I got the intellectual prowess already, you can test me out. Let your horse come.

Ask me a question, any question. Don’t be shy.

How about, “What is the square root of 5?”

Okay, my answer is 2.23606797749978969640

See, I give you the answer correct to 20 decimal places.
Clever or not, I? Got intellectual prowess or not, I?

Of course, you may think that I use calculator one. Sure lah, only stupid people will try to do this manually! Don’t know buy calculator for what.

Maybe you are not convinced yet.

Okay, ask me another question. Like, if there are ten birds sitting on a branch, and I throw one stone at them, how many birds will be left?

Wait, before I answer, let me look at the picture summore.

*looks at picture long time*

Okay, my intelligence increased enough already. My answer is TWO.

But you may think that if I throw the stone, the birds will all fly away and there will be no birds left. That is where you are wrong. The birds that kena whacked by me will be too dead to fly away.

Then you probably will guess that one dead bird will be left.

Wrong again.

You see, I damn terror marksman, so my one stone can kill two birds.

This is Chin Tu Lan, signing off.


Monday, January 23, 2006


Chiu Kap Mou Teik Chinese New Year rap song

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Everybody please sing this song
Just follow me, you won’t go wrong
And after when the song is done
Gerenti get good luck one

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Uncle, auntie, don’t be cheap
The more you give the more you reap
If these wise words you do believe
Then New Year ang pow got to give

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

New Year, Ah Beng go all out
With Tiger Beer or Guiness Stout
But if you wish to stay alive
After you drink, please do not drive.

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Ah Lian looking for a man
Must dress as sexy as you can
I hope this new year, him you’ll find
Long one, short one, never mind

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Little children, have you heard?
New Year cannot say bad word!
Cannot sulk and cannot cry
Cannot grumble “Chau chee bai.”

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Ah pek, Ah chim, drink some wine
Show us you’re not in decline
New Year is your golden chance
To prove to all you still can dance

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang

Everybody, sing with me
In sexy tone and humsap key
The New Year song of viewer true
“Happy year of the dog to you!”

Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang
Tong tong chang tong,
Tong tong chang


Saturday, January 21, 2006


Warehouse sale

Hot Babe and I are waiting for the American Idol show to start, so I thought I would blog a bit first.

Being of curious mind, I accompanied Hot Babe to a ‘mostly Victoria’s Secret’ warehouse sale today at the 5th floor PanGlobal building in Jalan Tandang of PJ. There were few male-related items on sale. In fact the only one of note was Levi jeans going for RM39.90. Cheap in a way, but it was of the loose baggy cut(Levi 560) which yours truly did not find the least bit appealing. I much prefer the Levi regular fit jeans or even the Relaxed Fit Jeans(like the 550) at times, but definitely not the 560.

There were no fitting rooms so some of the more savvy shoppers turned up in shorts so that they could just slip on the jeans and try them on right there on the spot. Of course, this being a ‘mostly Victoria Secrets’ sale, more than 90% of the customers there were women. Hot young women, with their mothers, all looking at lingerie.

There was this guy who was alone and I watched him as he picked up a bra and squeezed it around, probably trying to figure out the “elastic rebound factor” and whether he should buy it or not. He’s probably one of those so-called metrosexuals in touch with his feminine side. I ought to have stood there and given him a salute, but seriously, I couldn’t figure out what the fuck he was doing, squeezing the bras so professionally like that.

The sale of items was held in some rented premises and I busied myself looking at the showcases while Hot Babe was looking through a pile of lingerie. There were some industrial items, like nuts and fittings.

And then I spotted it; a Handsome Up Penis Enlargement Pump in one of the showcases. Heheheh! I’ve heard that such things existed, but it was the first time I have ever seen one. No pics, sorry. There was a Pertama Complex address on the showcase sample(Lot 2.20 I think, but I can’t be sure) in case you’re interested.

Is it my imagination or is it a fact that a lot of companies are having warehouse sales these past few weeks? The Chinese New Year is approaching and these companies have to give out bonuses, and warehouse sales are one way to convert stocks to cash so that employees can receive their bonuses.

Ya, it’s bonus time. Come on, let’s have the moolah already.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. There was one deputy sheriff who walked in for the American Idol tryouts in yesterday's show, and he sang "I shot the sheriff, but I didn't shoot the deputy....." He sang that line over and over again. Definitely a cuckoo case, but I thought he was a hoot! On the other hand, he could be totally sane, but he was sore at the sheriff over something or other. And since he could not legally shoot the sheriff, the next best thing was to sing that line, over and over.....on national TV. That would be brilliant!


Friday, January 20, 2006


“If your dick was as big as your mouth, I might be interested.”

Goodness! What kind of woman would go around town wearing a T-shirt like this?

Look lady, you may prefer size over performance, but it does not take much brains to figure out that if you insist on wearing that tacky T-shirt around the block, you’re gonna get propositioned by a lot of egoistic guys with SMALL MOUTHS.


Seriously, if your brains are as big as your hole, you’ll be intelligent.


Thursday, January 19, 2006


The Year of the Dog is nigh

I like dogs. They are creatures with simple minds and complicated actions. The only good reason why dogs exist is to keep humans entertained. And they have been doing a pretty bang up job so far.

There is a well-known saying:
“What goes around, comes around.”

It doesn’t apply to dogs.

They follow a more appropriate saying, such as:
“What goes around, humps around.”

You may be able to lock up your innocent bitches in the garden, but once the bitch is in heat, you’re gonna get horny visitors.

A friend of mine kept his year-old bitch inside the compound all the time, but one enterprising little male white dog, squeezed through the drain and entered the garden. Son of a bitch! In more ways than one!

My friend spotted the interloper one day and gave it hell. But it was too late. The little horny fucker must have been visiting for nights, because the bitch got pregnant and soon there were lots of little white puppies to give away. Six of them.

But as we thought about it, had my friend not managed to spot the interloper, we would have naturally assumed that the bitch got pregnant mysteriously on its own. Like a holy virgin birth. We would probably declare it a miracle and charge entrance fees to see. As it was, we had a good laugh over the incident.

The Year of the Dog is nigh. Something tells me that we’re gonna be so fucking entertained. Yeee-haaa!!!


Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Will collapse or not, tell me!

You know, when I first saw this news heading in the one-star newspaper on “Monkey’s reign of terror ended”, my first thought was that one of our ministers got canned and now everything is back under control. But apparently, that was not the case. The news story was actually about a real monkey gone bad.

Fed up. Gave me false hope like that.

Oh, did you notice that the troubled Kepong flyover affair is in the news again?

This was reported here on January 17: “ The Utusan Malaysia yesterday reported that the flyover was no longer safe because of excessive vibrations and that it was believed to have reached the maximum tolerance level where safety is concerned.”

Samy assures us that “the Flyover will not collapse.”

Now, who is right? In one corner you have a cheap supermarket tabloid that is trying very hard to become a scientific journal. In the other corner, you have a politician who understands…...well actually I am not at all sure what he understands.

Hey, this would concern me as I travel the Middle Ring Road frequently. A difference in opinion is the last thing I want.

Come on, tell me who is right.
Tell me who the more creditable source is.
Tell me if they know what they are talking about.

Oh, never mind, just complete this sentence for me:
“In the land of the ....., the .......... is king.”


Tuesday, January 17, 2006



Without a doubt, the best Hongkong movie that I saw last year was Initial D. Strange.....I have never considered myself a car racing fan. Looks like 2005 has gone down as "the year I realized that I didn't understand myself".

Self-understanding is important. If I can't even understand myself, then I won't be in a position to help others understand me. People may erroneously think that they have much better things to do than to try to understand me, but actually they don't.

Somebody once said importantly that "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." Well, that shit does not apply to me. That’s because my instruments tell me that I occupy the Centre of the Universe and it moves in tandem with me. If I go right, the Centre shifts right, and if I go left, it shifts left. So now, while I am the master of my fate, this Centre is the captain of my soul. Or is it the other way around?

I should be totally freaked out, but then I must have gotten inured to it. This explains why I never did become a gigolo.

What did I want to say already? Oh yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie Initial D.


Monday, January 16, 2006


Oh no, another meme post

Oh heck. I got tagged by Dabido with a meme. After checking my calendar, diary, clock and PDA, I found that I might just have enough time to take this one.

The Golden Rules:
1) Write an entry of between 100-200 words, with these words have to be included once, and only once:
- I
- me
- blowjob
- grapes
- random
- power
- loneliness
- water
- robot
- blue

[Done. 199 words. Held back one word as a reserve.]

2) Out of the 10 words, you can only change 2 words.
[Too lazy to change any.]

3) Your essay must make some kind of sense. if it's not cool, then it won't get published…
[Oh gee, like the world makes sense!]

4) Send to 5 people.
[What, do I look like I know five people?]

Okay, here comes the meme.

+ + + + + +

The doctor examined him and said, "You have serious blood circulatory disorders."

"Is it bad?"

"Very bad. Maybe can die also."

"Got cure or not?"

"Don’t think so. You can try herbs. Fortify with ginger," the doctor suggested.

He walked out in a daze, sad and devastated. He didn’t want to die. There was no one he could talk to, and the loneliness got to him.

A buxom streetwalker approached.

"You walk so stiff like robot. Relax! You want some hanky panky?"

"I dunno. What's your name?"


"How much for a blowjob?"


Fortify with Ginger.....that’s what the doctor said. Good. He handed her four tens and a fiver. She blew him with awesome suction power. He erupted like a machinegun, shooting his liquid load abundantly everywhere at random.


Everywhere was wet.

"You have more juice than a bunch of grapes! Truly amazing!" she remarked.

"Nothing amazing,” he explained. “A human being is 90% water."

"Why do you wear that ridiculous size XS underwear?"

"Small underwear makes me feel sexy!"

"It’s too tight for you and will make you blue in the face. And after that your doctor will say that you have blood circulatory disorders!"

He was cured.


Saturday, January 14, 2006


A Little Heart

Some of us are more fortunate than others. We are able to sail through the day without much effort while for others, everyday is a chaotic battle to reach the night.

Let’s face it; the lives of all human beings were not created equal.

In a moment of quiet reflection on the struggles facing our individual lives, I attempted to achieve some understanding on the concept of “help”. Everybody needs help and everybody is in a position to give help, one way or another.

We can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. We can’t be helped by those who can’t offer help. Helping is a two way interactive process between the helper and the helpee. Both are requred to make the effort. Like a pair of hands that need both to make a solid sound.

It does not take much to start the process. What we need is just a little heart on our part. Not much, just a little, and it goes a long way.

It has been a long while since I wrote some poetry:

A Little Heart

If you have a little heart
And should you see me fall
You’ll stretch your hand to help me start
And guide me like a wall

If I have a little heart
I’ll shun all pointless talk
I’ll grasp your hand and do my part
And stretch my limbs and walk

If we have a little heart
We’ll fear not things unfair
We’re in this big spiritual glut
And help is always there.

~ viewtru (Jan 2006)

Have a good weekend!


Friday, January 13, 2006


Biophysics 101

Judging from the way I express myself, you could be excused in thinking that I'm never serious. Nothing could be further from the naked truth. Of course I can be serious. I'm no shitty drifter trying to get a free ride on the Life Express while others diligently do the work. For the betterment of humankind, I'm definitely pulling more than my share of the load. For some years now, I have been selflessly and meticulously conducting in-depth research at MY OWN EXPENSE for the greater understanding of the awesome stuff we are made of.

Putting all humility aside, to my credit, the gargantuan effort has led me to postulate the First Law of Biophysics:

"A lick from a chick, will result in a moan from the blown
provided that the toink from the groin remains a constant."

I need to submit this to the Nobel Prize Committee. If for some fucking reason they don't give the prize to me, I'm gonna stop all further research on biophysics. I mean it. There's only so much an honest guy can take. What I actually mean is that I'll still do whatever I do, but it'll just be for pure enjoyment from then on. And the world will just have to live with that.

End of serious posting.


Wednesday, January 11, 2006


Sordid current affairs

I seldom have a good opinion of the local media. And that's on a normal day. I have just cause for taking such a firm stand, believe me.

There is a local daily that is so full of half-digested shit that it even referred to anime as 'porn'. Can you believe the level of education, or lack thereof, of these sad creatures?

And then there are others who can't recognise Black Metal music even if it bites them in the ass.....painfully from inside.

They try so pathetically hard to be our fifth-rate moral guardians that they must surely be a spiritual embarassment to the teh Divine One. I would ship them and their tainted tiny minds off to Pluto if I could.

I bet they can't spell the word "current" either.

Moving on.....

If you must know, I don't think it's ever a great idea in having lettering on the side of the car.


Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Great lessons in management training

Ever been to one of those mangagement camps where they teach you all sorts of useful advice that you will conveniently forget the moment you get back to your workstation? A bunch of us colleagues attended one recently and you can't be faulted for wondering if spending all that shitload of money on trying to improve us was a waste of funds.

Yes and no.

Yes, it was a waste of funds because none of us could remember how to apply all those ideas that we learned, seeing that none of us actually bothered to take down notes.

"I listen, I forget."

No, it was not a waste of funds because the food was good. The buffet spread was actually quite decent and they served beautiful roasted lamb with a very asskicking brown sauce.

"I see, I remember."

The evening was great as well, because after sitting like blurry Buddhas throughout all the training that went in one ear and out the next ear, we finally got some free time to do our own thing. Not that we painted the town that red, but we did terrific stuff that could be considered fun.

"I do, I understand."

When we got back to the office, it was business as usual. No change, no gung ho work commandoes slogging past their documented hours, nothing. While I at least made an attempt to improve myself(it's possible, I swear!), there was this colleague of mine who, on Monday, was having a tough struggle trying to keep his eyes wide open.

I would have attributed his mental condition to too many late night post-New Year parties, but then I remembered the GREAT LESSON of management training.

"I listen, I forget.
I see, I remember.
I do, I understand.
I work hard, I fall asleep."

I see the light.....we should go for training more often.


Monday, January 09, 2006


Sitiawan Foochow biscuits

Every time I am in Sitiawan, I make it a point to get some Foochow biscuits. They are also known as gong pian. You simply do not know what Sitiawan is until you have tried these biscuits. Going to Sitiawan without trying gong pian is like getting married without trying sex. And we all know how idiotic that is.

The most well known gong pian shop selling it is Cheong Chia behind Courts Mammoth and the directions to the place is detailed in this very good Sun article. Don’t be surprise by its small size when you get there; Cheong Chia occupies the backlane part of a coffeeshop.

There are two flavours of gong pian available;the onion ones(50 sen each) and the meat ones(80 sen each). The biscuits are baked in a round charcoal oven, much like the oven for naan bread.

On a recent trip, I discovered another shop, Kedai Sin Lay, which made really fantastic Foochow meat biscuits. It is further away from town than Cheong Chia, so tourists do not know of the place. The onion ones are nothing to shout about, but the meat ones are great!

To get to the shop, go along Jalan Raja Omar(the Courts Mammoth road). You will soon pass the Methodist school. At the second traffic light AFTER the school, turn to the left. Go for about 300m and you should see a row of shophouses. Somewhere in the middle of the shophouses is Kedai Sin Lay.

I hope the above directions are clear. Maybank is situated at the junction of the second traffic lights, in case you are interested.

See the baker sticking the biscuit dough to the side of the urn-like oven? He has to wear long sleeves because it is hot. If you peer inside the oven, you will see the charcoal embers inside. Once in a while, the guy aims a fan into the bottom of the oven to keep the embers going.

The result is a slightly tough biscuit(not that tough actually) which is a bit like naan bread but thinner and tastier. I bought some and put them in the car while freshly hot. The fragrant aroma of the biscuits were so alluring that even Hot Babe could not restrain herself but had to eat one in the car. To keep me from kicking up a fuss, she fed me a bit while I was driving.

There is also another gong pian shop to be found in the row of shophouses just behind Fajar supermarket. That one has nice onion biscuits but not-so-great meat ones. Frankly, there is only one good reason to visit Fajar supermarket; that is to drink the cendol from James’ cendol stall. There are three cendol stalls there, but James is the guy wearing a bowtie, and his cendol is the best in Perak.

Gee, if I keep on blogging like this, I’ll be writing a travel book.


Friday, January 06, 2006



Like any decent life on earth, I use the Haloscan commenting system in my blog. However, a lot of bloggers tend to use Blogger’s commenting system.

You know what I fucking hate about typing in comments in Blogger? I don’t mind typing in the name and URL. I moderately hate typing in my email address. But it’s the dumbass word verification feature that really gets my goat.

The squiggly wriggly ugly writing which the evil program generates out is damn si beh difficult to decipher correctly.

On top of that, they sometimes insult you as well.


Well, fck yu too.


Thursday, January 05, 2006


Cuti Cuti Malaysia: Bidor

Yo, I’m pimping small towns this season. No reason other than I’ve run out of things to blog.

Every time I take a drive up north of the Klang valley, I make it a point to stop for a breather at Bidor. If the stop is around lunchtime, then I would head to the Pun Chun Restaurant for their famous herbal duck noodles. The duck noodles are not ready during breakfast time so if I reach Bidor in the morning, what I normally do is head over to the market side of town to eat.

My favourite stall is the Pun Sim stall opposite the market where they sell curry noodles with fishcakes and yong tau foo. They also serve curried wild boar meat with their curry noodles if you like that option. Less than RM3 per bowl, I believe. Cheap. The chee cheong fun(RM 2.20) next door to it is not bad either. So I usually order BOTH the noodles and chee cheong fun.

Getting there:
Bidor is a very small one-horse town and it is impossible to get lost, even for noobs. The trunk road runs right through the town centre. If you are heading north towards Ipoh, then the famous Pun Chun Restaurant will be on your right and the market will be behind the shophouses on your left. Look out for the small one–way side lane just opposite the Pun Chun Restaurant. Turn in and you should immediately see the market. Opposite the market is this row of shops. The Pun Sim stall is somewhere in the middle.

After breakfast, you may want to pop in at the market, browse around and give the local economy a boost. During durian season, you should be able to see old men on bicycles selling kampung durians outside the market. Guavas, wax apples and petai are of pretty good quality in this town. The gods are merciful in that parking tickets are not required in this place. Way cool.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006


Speed of sound trivia

I just read this from a book:

We know that supersonic airplanes can travel faster than the speed of sound. Actually, the sound barrier was broken more than a thousand years ago by another man-made object. Can you guess what? I couldn't.

Clue: It makes a loud noise as it breaks the sound barrier. Although we don't frequently come across it, it is still in use today and we sometimes see it used in movie scenes.

Give up? Then scroll down for the answer.


It is the tip of a whip. The loud cracking noise comes from the tip breaking the sound barrier. Methinks that the best whips are those that they use in the circus that produce those Cool killer loud noises that irritate the shit out of the tigers.


The not-so-Black Metal raid

The 8TV Quickie last night hosted by Marion and Skinny Chicken Adam was interesting in that it featured interviews with people who were at the New Year Eve’s shindig at Paul’s Place. You know, the shindig that was raided by the police in the mistaken belief that it was a ‘Black Metal’ gig. I think the police made a terrible decision to clamp down on music lovers trying to celebrate New Year’s Eve. These people were mostly a few hundred harmless people who were innocently enjoying a harmless night out. How are these people a threat to society? The power to make arrests must go hand-in-hand with accountability.

Lat night, near the end of the 8TV Quickie slot, Marion made a plea to listeners to go to a certain place(I forgot where) to sign a memorandum of support to the musicians and fans who were at Paul’s Place when it got raided. Kudos to 8TV for taking a firm and informed stand on the matter.

Not having been reading the papers much for the past few days, the event flew past without me noticing. I only started to pay attention when Suanie blogged about it, and later heard Marion and Adam discussing it over 8TV.

The behaviour of some of the trashy media in calling the gig a “Black Metal” gig is sickening to the extent that I want to stop buying them their paper. Where is the informed reporting? Where is the professionalism in journalism?

If you want to know what really happened, turn to blogs. This blogger gives a pretty good insider account about the matter. This other site has some more.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006


The mysterious Bigfoot sightings in the Endau jungle

Several years ago, I was in the Endau Rompin jungle of Johor and minding my own business while bathing in a stream. I was enjoying the peace and quiet as my friends had gone trekking, leaving me alone to my own devices. So there I was, sitting naked by the stream and admiring curly strands of my hair when suddenly I saw that on the opposite side of the stream, the top branches of the trees were being pulled down and then released.

My first thought was that it could be monkeys or elephants. I quickly ruled out monkeys as they would have to jump from branch to branch to cause the branches to move wildly like that, and I would have noticed them. But I saw nothing.

Then I thought that it could be elephants reaching upwards with their trunks to pull down the fruit laden branches for a quick meal. Elephants are huge creatures and if they were there, I would have seen them. But, as I said before, I saw nothing. Just branches 4m high from the ground being mysteriously pulled down and then released. I sat there not moving until all activity stopped. Then very quickly, I put on my shorts and got out of there.

If it wasn’t monkeys or elephants, what else could it be?

That leaves only the third viable explanation; Bigfoot.

I did not believe in Bigfoot at that time although I had heard that huge horny hairy ape-like creatures exist in the jungle. Like everyone else, I thought that it was all some dumb myth. Maybe it was, maybe not.

CBS News thinks it is important enough to run the story, so that is saying something, ain’t it?

What does Bigfoot look like?

I don’t know. But I’m gonna take a wild guess.


If you have any Canadian friends, you are welcome to email this pic to them and say, “Our Endau Bigfoot is da bomb and is way better lookin’ than your Sasquatch.”


Monday, January 02, 2006


Working tomorrow

I can't believe that I have to go to work on Tuesday. Oh all right, I can believe it but just don’t wanna believe in it. Not while I am still in the holiday mood. I just know that they are gonna emphasize TOTALLY on teamwork this year. You know, the sort of shit about everybody doing the same thing at the same time in the same direction wearing the same boring brand of underwear.

They even have an acronym for it: TEAMS.

T.E.A.M.S. – Together Everybody Achieve More Success.

It’s not a bad idea actually. I was sort of thinking of an interesting way of incorporating it in the next sex party by the beach.

T.E.A.M.S. – Together Ejaculate, Apa Macam Semua?

Too bad that we are not allowed to have sex parties by the beach. Not with a legitimate permit anyway. We are prudes, and that’s the official word. If any foreigner asks how we manage to procreate, just tell them that we do it by the old fashion method.....cellular division.

Okay, back to serious business, this year is gonna be the year for teamwork and I am thinking along the lines of organizing some group happening here on this blog. You know, something that will make us more competitive as a people. I don’t know what yet, but it’ll come to me, I’m sure. But it will involve TEAMS, I’m sure.

The New Year has reminded me that Stepping Aside for Reality is more than two years old and this is the 650th post. Yep, that many. This is a sure sign that the national economy is improving. Coz I don’t blog unless I’m well fed. And I’m well fed because I have a job to go to. And I have a job to go to coz I'm good looking. And I'm good looking coz the economy is improving. See the connection?

Man oh man, I have to work tomorrow.


New Year Resolution

The New Year celebrations this year seem to be more robust than last year. For me, the event passed by quietly and cheaply. That was not to say that it was not entertaining. It was. Except that I don’t have the massive bills to prove it.

I don't believe in making New Year resolutions. There is little point in making a lot of resolutions and then trying miserably to keep up to them. Remember the words of the short old alien(Yoda) who said, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Yoda is not as dumb as he looks.

I had a banner year last year. I wrote the One - The oration of Attu33, the robot, which I regard as one of my finest efforts. However, I am aware that there are not that many science fiction fans around and most guys would probably think more favourably of Episode 4 of Viewtru’s Lantern Tale.

I tried so many odd stuff last year and I do not know if I can or want to top that this year.

But wait.....I have not attempted any limericks yet. How can I go through life without putting out one dumb limerick?

Oh all right, I’m gonna live a little and be very brave and throw up one New Year resolution.....I resolve to write at least one dumb limerick this year!


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