Stepping aside for Reality

Tomorrow’s the big day. The day when “The 3-in-1 Kungfu Girl” will get written for the NanoWrimo project.

The story line covers a span of six years. It goes like this; a young girl from a fishing village, Pei Pei, was only ten years old when an important Imperial consignment containing two valuable jade lions went missing. By the time the story ended, she would be sixteen years old.

After some last minute changes last night, I settled on the sequence of the story by which I wish to proceed. This is not final yet as I may still make some changes when I actually write. But here are the draft chapters:

Chapter 1: The Sky Dragon Clan strikes

Chapter 2: A treasure map divides four ways

Chapter 3: Three Clouds make a failed attempt

Chapter 4: A watery end for a lineage

Chapter 5: The Gate of Hell Island

Chapter 6: Pei Pei plans the escape

Chapter 7: The House of Noble Delights

Chapter 8: The journey to Fuzhou

Chapter 9: House of a Thousand Pleasures

Chapter 10: The choice of Madame West Cloud

Chapter 11: A cunning plot by Lady Fai

Chapter 12: Assassination of South Cloud

Chapter 13: North Cloud takes a prisoner

Chapter 14: Cold Wind Hands shows his hand

Chapter 15: Conclusion

Updated on 11 November 2005: The chapters have undergone a slight change.

The chapters will be posted in this blog chapter by chapter. A different blog http://3in1kungfugirl.blogspot.com/ will be created where the story will be posted as one single entry. I will keep on editing that entry as I add more chapters.

Yeah, tomorrow is the big day!

Happy Deepavali to ya all!

Actually I am not quite sure of the deeper meaning of DeeperRaya, but whatever it is, it has to be good!

I am in a great DeepaRaya mood.

Hot Babe showed me some of the things she bought at the Victoria Secrets warehouse sale at the Proctor and Gamble building, Jln Tandang, PJ. She said that lingerie was going cheap and so were Kenneth Cole leather handbags. The warehouse sale was from Thursday to Sunday(today). Well, after looking through her purchases, I must say that Victoria Secrets do make good quality stuff.

Unlike a lot of people who have gone outstation, I’m working tomorrow. Most of my colleagues will be away so there won’t be much work to do. It’s okay; I’ll bring a book and a pillow. Don’t you worry about me.

I just want you to know that the whole world thinks that DEEPARAYA is such a wonderful word.

So wonderful that I am automatically compelled to blog it and ping it.

I think you should too!

DeepaRaya is good.

It is a time for joy.

And because you are all living as guests in my universe and breathing air borrowed from me, I will have to ask you to repent if you don't agree that DeepaRaya is good.

You know that’s it tougher and tougher to think up a new superhero. Every superhero ability has been thought Of; heat vision, superflight, superstrength, elastic powers, magnetic powers and all that awesome shit. You name it and some shitty superhero has already done it.

While thinking about my Nanowrimo wuxia story, I suddenly thought of a superhero character that nobody has ever thought of before. This hero guy will be an Eternal. Sure, he can die, but he can’t stay dead. Each time he dies, his spirit looks around for the next creature nearby that is going to be born and then he reincarnates into it. Like if he was killed while fighting some terrible villain, and his wandering spirit scouts around and sees a duckling about to be hatched, he goes and gets reincarnated as the duckling. And when the duckling reaches puberty, * poof *, he regains his former shape as our crime-fighting man and goes after the villain. This may take a bit of time as ducklings take about a few months to reach puberty. Gonna be a long fight. The villain too, has to be patient and not go off to battle somebody else. Stupid logic, difficult story to write, but definitely doable.

Still haven’t quite figured out his costume yet. Should he wear his underwear outside, like Superman? Should he wear a facemask like Spiderman? Or both, like Batman?

I’m thinking of calling the superhero character the Super Powered Eternal Reincarnating Man, or S.P.E.R.M. for short.

But hey, I should really be concentrating on my NanoWrimowuxia plot and not get distracted by other ideas, so I’ll just hold off my S.P.E.R.M. for a while. I've a feeling that if I hold off my S.P.E.R.M., it can only get stronger.

A female Japanese emperor ahead?

This news article has the story.

Banzai!

I have not pinged PPS for quite a while.

Oh alright, I hardly ping it, but I do make it a point to do so at least once a week. And if I forget to do so, I will go into a confessional and say, “Forgive me blogfather, it has been a long time since my last ping.”

There are bloggers who ping daily, some even a few times a day. They are what I call PPS urbanites. They live right in the centre of town.

Me? I live in the PPS suburbs. I go to town only once a while.

Then there are some, like Dr Liew and Michaelooi, who live right at the outskirts. They hardly ping at all. They come to town for a little action only when they are on vacation.

And of course, there are bloggers who have not heard of PPS at all. They live in the ulu areas.

On the other side of the extreme, there are those who flood ping PPS. Oh, these roaches live in town alright.....they sleep in the town sewers.

During the weekend, I worked on my wuxia plot for NanoWrimo. Although I know how the ending will be, the details of it still elude me. How do I sew everything up neatly such that it is a seamless piece of work? Why does it have to happen in this particular way and not in some other way? Ahhh…..details, details, details.

Wuxia writers are never known for their strong logic. They tend to make the same error over and over again. A case in point is the use of carrier pigeons. How often have we seen in cinemas or on TV the scene where a pigeon flies to a person bearing a message tied to the leg? You mean to say that the pigeon flies for miles and miles in the air and can spot the idiot for whom the message is intended, then flies down and delivers it? This is utter rubbish; pigeons can’t do that. If pigeons are so smart, they'll be ruling the world and watching TV instead of us.

In actual fact, pigeons tend to fly to their roosting place, where they were hatched. Thus they can deliver messages to only one destination, and it’s almost always the same destination. To send a message to Kuantan from Ipoh, you will have to go to Kuantan first, get a pigeon from there, and then release it in Ipoh. It will then fly back to its Kuantan roost, where the owner will have to catch it and remove the message. That is the system. You don’t buy a pigeon in Ipoh and hope that it will fly to Kuantan. Yet everytime I see a pigeon scene in a swordfighting movie, I get my intelligence insulted.

Actually, I don’t mind getting my intelligence insulted once in a while. I just wish that they don’t do it that often.

All that we see or seem,
Is but a dream within a dream.

- Edgar Allan Poe

I just heard the news about Datin Endon. My condolences go to her family in their moment of bereavement. She was a lady of grace and a fine example of how a First Lady should be. I am sure her loss will be felt. May she be in peace. And may her works live on.

I had to slaughter some fish recently.

It wasn’t easy. There was blood everywhere. Gutting a fish is not one of those things that can be done neatly. There’s always a holy mess. Blood and gore.

I’ve got a brilliant idea.

We should breed hi-tech fish like this:



All we gotta do is just unzip the stomach and all the stupid guts will fall out neatly into place. Wouldn’t that be great?

Holy shit…how come nobody thought of that before?

I’m thinking of patenting the idea.

But then again, maybe not.

You know how business is like. It’s just a matter of time before you get pirated hi-tech fish on the streets. All with inferior zips but selling for only one third the price. Sold by guys with blonde hair asking you, “Leng chai…..you want pirated hi-tech fish? We got all the latest species…”

David Copperfield says he plans to impregnate a girl on stage - without even touching her. Read it here.

Look, I don’t know if it is such a good idea to impregnate a girl without touching her. It’s like having sex without an orgasm. Heck, it’s like having sex without sex. What can be more moronic than that? We know his magic shows are horribly expensive, and it certainly disturbs my mind that rich fucks are willing to shell out the moolah to see a girl get pregnant magically without all the humping, grinding actions.

Granted that David Copperfield is talented, but still, it cannot be as much fun for the audience as seeing him trying to get the girl pregnant on stage by pumping in bodily fluids the old fashioned way.

Sure, call me old fashioned, but I know what entertainment is all about.

Saw "Lost" last night on TV and they had one hot scene of the naked Korean chick bathing. Well not exactly. The diphit censors made fucking sure I couldn't see fuck. I don't see why a bunch of limpdicked old farts should determine what I am or am not allowed to see on TV. Fuckwits. With a capital F.

OK, rant is over, it's back to serious business now.

From the latest brainstorming session, Lilian threw up the idea of a warrior with female bodyguards. I love the concept. Gonna use it for one of the villains. The Laubeh Inn name from Ah Pek also has a nice ring to it. I'm gonna use it too. But to fit in with the more serious mood of the novel, I'll use the English translation "Old Horse Inn" instead. There were other interesting themes that I picked up from the brainstorming, but they can't seem to fit the story. Never mind, perhaps I can use them for another story. For those of you who took part, let me just say this: "TENKIU."

I am seriously thinking that maybe I should write a "lost on an island" scene in my Nanowrimo wuxia story. And it will have a small naked bathing scene. That does not bring anything substantial to the plot, but it’s my way of saying "Up yours!" to the fucktard TV censors. Yeah, that will be neat.

This "The 3-in-1 Kungfu Girl" story is starting to sound like it has everything except chapati.

Well, not quite.

It won't have the plane crash scene on a sandy beach on wuxia island. Gotta remain logical on this one, coz I am already so well known in the blogosphere for my considerable powers of irrefutable logic. Really! So okay, I'll write in a shipwreck scene instead.

Still, I can't but help but think that perhaps I had better stop watching so much TV or I'll be altering my plot every time I channel surf.

Anyway, there is still time. There's another two more weeks to go and craft a decent plot before the actual writing starts.

Is it my imagination or is the reaction to the Pakistan Quake fundraising efforts rather muted? I remember that during the Aceh tsunami tragedy, almost everybody was doing something to raise funds for the victims. But this time around, the reaction to the Pakistan earth quake has been quite low keyed. I think the world is suffering from donation fatigue.

Personally, I do not think that this is the end of a long string of earthquakes. There’ll be more to come. And they won’t be easily detected.

This planet is like a giant farm of humans. We are livestock. Farmed by aliens in their UFOs. We think we run the place, but we don’t. Livestock are usually too stupid to realize the truth of things.

There has always been a connection between UFO activity and earthquakes. I’m pretty sure that the Bam earthquake in Iran, the tsunami in Aceh(caused by underwater earthquake) and the recent earthquake in Kashmir were all caused by the aliens.

Which is why, all early warning systems failed! These are not natural earth movement activities. They are alien-triggered happenings. I don’t know what these aliens are trying to do, but they are doing it. Their favourite modus operandi is earthquakes.

What about hurricanes and typhoons? No, those are not alien activities. Air movements are caused by the rotation of the earth and temperature differences. The aliens in their little UFO’s can create storms, BUT they CANNOT do it stealthily enough. Altering the rotation of the earth(assuming that they can do it) will certainly be detected. Adding in a hot spot to create air movement will also be detected. I will have to assume that all storms and hurricanes are natural activities. And another thing, all early warning systems on storms have been quite accurate to allow humans to take defensive action. Also, there have been very little UFO activities associated with storms. So, we can conclude that the favourite weapon of the aliens is still the earthquake.

Mark my words. The aliens are on some sort of farm management campaign. Maybe applying some form of extraterrestrial ISO 9000. Don’t get in their way.

Whatever it is, we’re stuck on this little farm planet while the aliens take pot shots at us with their earthquake inducing weapons. If I were you, I’ll get my own little spaceship and get out of here.

Did you notice the left sidebar?

I am now officially broadcasting to the literary world that I am an official 2005 NanoWrimo Participant

The story is behind schedule, but never mind that! The point is, I am so gonna have fun with this one. Let the music play on, baby, coz you ain’t gonna see a wuxia like this wuxia. I’m just gonna let you have it so good that your orgasms will sprout their own mini-orgasms. It will rock you so hard that you’ll claw the mattress to shreds in your moment of ecstacy!

Okay, now that the ridiculous intro is over, let’s get down to some serious business. The 3-in-1 Kungfu Girl plot still have some issues to work through. It’s gonna be touch and go whether I can start writing on November 1st.

Last week’s brainstorming session was good. Thank you, guys! From your efforts, I managed to pick up a couple of concepts that I could use. So, let’s try it again this week.

The same rules apply. After one commentator ends, another one continues on where the last one left off, so that the flow of the story is not disrupted. Please refresh the comment board before you post the comment so that you will know if somebody has continued the story 10 seconds ahead of you already.

And have fun!

Continue the story from here:

Pulling out his sword, he bared his teeth and snarled, “Now die, you fucker!” He plunged his sword ahead but…

The date of the Nanowrimo thingy is getting close. I’m slightly late in the preparation for my new novel, but at least I’ve got a rough plot already. However some of the details of the storyline still elude me. I will have to call for another brainstorming session again to see what concepts I can use.

I am currently working out how many chapters to write. More than ten, definitely.

One piece of good news - the characters have been more or less decided on. Like who uses what weapons, what type of kungfu and whatnot.

The title of the novel took a fair bit of thinking. All wuxia titles are corny. Like “Incredible Kungfu Mission” or “Revenge of the Shaolin Master”.

Don’t ask me why, but it is not wuxia if it does not have a corny title. It’s a hallowed tradition that I have to follow.

So, let me now unveil my title:

The 3-in-1 Kungfu Girl.

Traditional enough, huh?

We’re having foreign visitors.

My job is to show them around and make a good impression.

I’m having a great time doing it.

So this is what Tun M had to say on the approval of Naza cars as national cars:

“…..The Government knows that it was Miti that approved it, not me,”

Oh, dear…and all this while, I had thought that such an important thing as a national car status would have to be approved by the Tun.

Guess I was wrong. The approvals all came from other people.

Hey, didn’t the Tun also said that the decision to charge Anwar came from the police and not him?

Oh okay, so the approvals must have been coming from all sorts of people. Let us stop blaming the Tun for everything, okay?

It is time we find out who are the people who have been doing all the approving.

“This is especially (important) as we NOW believe in transparency,”

Listen to the man! Well, maybe he did not believe in transparency BEFORE, but that is not the point, because NOW the Tun says that “any attempt to cover-up is very bad.”

Bad, very bad. He used the word “very”, so that you know it’s really bad.

So come on, let us have another AP list, or “Approval People” list, to tell us who are all those sorts of people who have been going around simply simply approving sana sini all sorts of things until we don’t know what is happening.

To me that is the real issue; tell us who are all those Approval People who can approve things without him.

Disclaimer:
The following play is purely fictitious and the characters bear no resemblance to any public figure alive or dead, or even half-dead. Any resemblance found is purely coincidental.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Shakespearean Play - Act III Scene 2

[ Old Man Lim, is seated in an inn, drinking coffee while trying to remember the way to Bruas to buy salted fish.]

Lim: Many indeed are the things I understand not. The world hath grown mysterious with age. Oh woe, old and ancient, I feel. Methinks, ‘tis time I retire!

[ Enter Valiant Hair, with his usual weird looking hairstyle. ]

Hair: Oh Noble Lim. There thou art! I hear thou hast another deputy!

Lim: O Valiant Hair. The matter vexed me exceedingly. Who wouldst thought a deputy would entertain an ambition to supplant one such as noble as me…it is a most ignoble state of affairs. What will the multitudes think?

Hair: Fret thee not what thinketh the multitudes. Develop thee the skin of a shameless water buffalo and damn the multitude to blazes, say I.

Lim: There is wisdom in what thou speaketh, my dear man. Indeed the thickness of thy skin is legendary, o Valiant Hair. Tis reputed that the wolf would blunt its fangs upon thy hide! Unnatural indeed thou art! But a timely word of caution. It is not the solitary wolf, but the multitude of ants that thou shouldst fear.

Hair: Nay, nay, my good man! Unlike thee, in my case, none art brave enough to seek my fall!

Lim: Hark, I hear a horse!

Hair: What? Horses are not allowed in here! On the account the beasts cheweth up the carpets.


[ Enter Lady Tempest. ]


Hair: That be no horse! It looketh the same, but hath only two legs. Why, tis the most fair Lady Tempest!

Tempest: Into the Lake! Into the lake, I say!

Lim: What ails thee, sweet lady?

Tempest: The court jester doth try my patience! Torturing me with insubstantial questioning about those blasted permits at every turn. A cruder or ruder knave hath I not seen! Oh, tarnation! Wish I he go jumpeth into the lake!

Lim: I know the knave. A most troublesome fellow. But thou shouldst attend the meeting to answer thy accusers earlier. Thy initial disappearance was most vexing. Knoweth thou not that the highest meeting art not to be trifled with?

Tempest: Oh, go jumpeth into the lake.

Hair: Come now, fair lady, heed our counsel, and prepare thee well for the answers we seek at the next meeting! Else thou shalt surely be mercilessy delivered to the vicious mobs and hung out to dry.

Tempest: What trash are meetings? What rubbish and what offal? I spit upon the dreadful manner that I, the most illustrious daughter of the land, am commanded to attend the sitting. A meeting of fools, all! Go jumpeth into the lake!

Hair: Calm thee down. Would that we could console thee in such trying times.

Lim: Instruct us, we beseech thee. What wouldst thou have us do. Speak, and consider it done, soonest!

Tempest: Wouldst thou write me a sonnet in praise of my great beauty?

Hair: Holy shit…anything but that!

Lim: Hark! I hear a horse!

Hair: What? Again? Well, stop that!

[Enter a man in a bowtie talking to himself. ]

Bowtie: O woe! O woe! Hath I not attended the meeting faithfully all these years? But the people, they notice me not! And when they do, their scornful sour-eyed disdain pricks me like thorns on a cactus. And treat me they do as old carrion! Oh woe! Oh woe! Yet when a certain fat lady missed a meeting or two, there is undue hue and cry. Such publicity as should hath been mine! That which is far worse than bad publicity is no publicity! Indeed, foul villany is afoot. Fools all, that they ignore my genius before them!

Lim: Waiter, kasi teh tarik tiga! Cepat sikit!

[ Bowtie man ignores Lim and continues talking to himself. ]

Bowtie: Hath I not been a patriot? But nay, the multitudes laugh at me as having form without substance. The fools! The ardent fools! What need we for substance when we have form?

[ Bowtie man walks off. ]

Hair: What fellow is this? A strange one as ever I looked on. Indeed the service in this establishment borders on sad. Methinks the waiters are asleep on legs.

Lim: Yes indeed, all form and no substance!

Hair: Well, I’m off to more substantial entertainment.

Lim: Off to, am I.

Hair: Goodnight sweet Lady Tempest, whose brilliant smile brighten up the entire earth!

Tempest: Goodnight, my good lords!

Lim: And heed our advice. Absent thee not away from the next meeting. That would upset the merciless multitudes as sure as the sun doth shine!

Tempest: Enough! Everybody can go jumpeth into the lake!

I lost the code for the links in this blog. I remembered that I saved my old template but just couldn't remember where I saved it. Never mind, I will look into Haloscan and see who are the regular bloggers who have been visiting this blog, and I should be able to get enough names to make a link list.

A number of commentators had fun yesterday in my comment board expressing their creativity in story telling. There seemed to be some sort of unusual extra interest being paid to panties. Man, you people are plain weird. No, seriously. Panties? Ladies underwear? Oh, alright, it’s not a bad idea, so I’ll write that into my next story.

For the NanoWrimo Challenge, I have decided on the fiction genre to write. Not much of a choice really. In these two years, I have written inane fare, screenplays, shakespearean plays, science fiction and wuxia so far.

For more than 20,000 words, it is difficult to write inane fare. I can’t remain inane for that long! Shakespearean plays and screenplays are not allowed for the NanoWrimo project. That leaves only science fiction and wuxia.

There are just too many intellectual concepts involved in creating science fiction for it to be quickly written. I have my own fussy standards on what consists of science fiction. For example, I don’t rate Star Wars as science fiction(too low-browed), but Star Trek is definitely science fiction. Since I’m not going to touch science fiction, that leaves only wuxia.

Next month, I’ll be crafting a wuxia story as my entry for NanoWrimo. This time around, I will try something different. The story will be heroine-centric rather than hero-centric. A kungfu girl story, heheheh! I don’t know how I am going to do it yet, but at some stage of the story, the kungfu girl won’t be wearing underwear. Don’t try to guess the plot; you should know how unpredictable my stories can be by now.

The title has not been fixed yet, but definitely it won’t be something like “The Kungfu Girl Without Decent Underwear”. This is a serious piece of work, okay? So it'll have a serious name. I already have a rough plot playing in my head. Just need to do a bit of climatic and geographical research and I’m ready. Wait for it!

Hear ye! Hear ye! I registered myself for the NanoWrimo Challenge yesterday! Registration was a piece of cake. The tough part of writing a novel comes later.

And now for the plot! I love creating plots! There is so much illicit pleasure to be had in indulging a crafty devious mind. But time is running short so I really could use a brainstorm of sorts.

This is what I'll do. I'm gonna open up to the commentators for creative ideas. I'll just write one paragraph and anybody can continue on the story. Who knows, I may really get a great wacky idea from your efforts. Gonna use a heroine this time. Please write with continuity, okay? Meaning, after one commentator ends, another one continues on where the last one left off, so that the flow of the story is not disrupted.

Well, here it goes, and have fun:

The strange sound from the forest frightened her. She ran. She did not know where she was going, but she ran. The sound behind her was getting closer. Turning her head, she saw.......

Did you watch the pilot episode of the TV series "Lost" over 8TV on Monday night? "Lost" won the Emmy Award for Outstanding Drama Series this year. In the first episode, there was a scene where the plane hit an air pocket and one guy flew up in the air in the scene background.

Air pockets can be scary. I was on a flight over the Atlantic once and the signal to sit down and buckle up the seat belt came on. My seat belt is usually buckled up when I fly. Well, the plane hit an air pocket and started freefalling. It was like going down a roller coaster. The passengers screamed. One guy who was seated diagonally in front of me flew up into the air because he did not follow instructions and buckle up. Pity those who were drinking hot coffee at that time. Did you ever try to drink hot coffee on a roller coaster? Well, don’t.

When the plane finally stabilized, one poor chap had to go change his wet coffee-stained shirt in the toilet. Some stewardesses who were walking around to bring drinks were injured. I did not quite find out what happened, but our meal was delayed by half an hour. I noticed that a number of passengers lost their appetite, but mercifully, I could still eat.

And yeah, I’m pretty sure that everybody buckled up after that!

Develop the mind of equilibrium.
You will always be getting praise and blame,
But do not let either affect the poise of the mind;
Follow the calmness, the absence of pride
- Suttanipata

I wish I could show you the calmness of a mind of equilibrium
But my absence of humility is shitwhacking my absence of pride
- Viewtru

Over here: snatch thieves blamed on Indonesian illegals.

Over there: bombings blamed on Malaysian illegals.

What is this; some sort of underground two-way trade or karmic exchange? Whatever it is, I want all this to stop. Enough is enough. There’s enough dirty shit going on in the world without more fucking idiots trying to improve things by blowing things up.

Look, I couldn’t care less if illegals fellate each other continuously, or light heavy-duty firecrackers up each other’s asses for kicks, but it is time they leave us decent folks alone.

Let’s get them their own little Jurassic island where they can snatch each others bombs to their hearts delight, and try to bomb the shit out of each other, again to their hearts’ delight, and after that snatch each other’s blasted body parts, also to their hearts delight. It won’t solve the world’s problems, I know, but at least the streets and restaurants will be safe.