Stepping aside for Reality

The next kungfu story will actually be The Cook and the Assassin Part 2. The main character is Wen Yiji again. It will be entitled:

"The Kungfu that Ruled the Night."

One chapter in the middle of the story is already done.
I shall be responsible for the writing. The least you people can do is take charge of the publicity as I won't be pinging the chapters this time around. Just writing it will be enough work. Hopefully, Chapter 1 can be out next week.

No time to update for the next few days. I've been busy. Busier than a bee. Busier than a bee fornicating while collecting pollen. Before you point out the lack of likelihood of such a scenario playing out, let me just say that I'm too busy to type anything else.

You may have heard by now about how the new Immigration Headquarters in spanky wanky Putragaya sprung a leak in one of the water pipes and everybody stopped working.

This is something new. Usually, it is when the electrical power fails that everybody stops working.

It's tax season. At times like this, I have to constantly remind myself that the tax department does not stop working. That money is only so much dead weight that you can't take with you to heaven. Or wherever you are going. And that the tax department is actually doing us all a favour by selflessly relieving us of this excess financial baggage. And neither burst pipes nor power failure will stop them from their mission. Bloody insects.

It is no fun being a statue.

Pigeons shit on them all the time. Indiscriminately.

On top of all that, women make fun of them. Frequently.



Statues are the result of politicians. Before you attempt to correct me by saying, “That’s statutes…..not statues”, let me just state for the record that I am speaking from the karmic point of view.

I can’t think of a single good enough reason how statues came into existence except that in their former lives, they must have been fullashit bodek politicians. I mean, that must be the compelling reason for birds to totally want to shit on them.

On Sunday night, I was bored enough to watch an Andy Lau movie on TV. Tony Leung Ka Fai, who acted as a clownish sidekick(or ka la fare) in the movie, attempted to describe how incredibly sexy one of the girls was. In a tone of awe, he said that the sexuality index of the girl was so high that she could only be matched by two others; namely his left and right hand.

Eh…..I did not know that his character was ambidextrous.

You just gotta love Hongkong movies. They are gross, offensive and tasteless, makes no sense and full of crap…….which makes them highly entertaining.

First, I read this on the web:
"Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do."

My sympathies to the lefties.

Could be some yin-yang biological differences that is to blame. Or so I thought.

Then I read this:
"More than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products."

Oh......now, that explains a lot.

I love the tagline from one of those mattress manufacturers:
“Tomorrow begins tonight.”

It's got potential. It's got possibilities. It's got me written all over it.

I'm so stoked that I'm gonna use it in my next kungfu story.

Except that I will modify it a teeny little bit to:
“Tomorrow’s babies begin tonight.”

Oh, yes!

This is downright embarrassing.

To think that our public universities are so desperate for awards that they had to spend millions to take part in some dubious exhibition so that they could get dubious awards from some commercial award factory.

Oh…...the idiocy of it all. Hey, that’s our money they are using!

This just in. One university is going to send in an entry for “Culturally Correct Posterior Ablution Device”. In layman language, it means some thingamagig to help you wash the shitty bits off your ass.

Here’s the underlying philosophy of the entry; you know that it is not culturally acceptable to wash your ass with your right hand, and you gotta use your left whether you are a righthander or lefthander, right? Well, what happens if your left hand is injured and you had to use your right hand? Here is where our university guys come in. After a lot of painstaking research, those asswipes had finally come up with a left hand rubber model.

This is how it works: you use your functioning right hand to hold the left hand rubber model and move it to scrub your ass. See?

I heard that they may get the gold under the “Cutting Edge Excrement Systems Category.” The only other competing entry was from some shady fly-by-night African university that submitted a banana leaf as their exhibit. If the 'rubber hand' guys come back with just the silver, they will be the laughing stock of the continent. And I'll be royally pissed.