Stepping aside for Reality

I remembered my mother telling me how she once voted. She did not know any of the candidates. So she marked the cross for ALL of them. Her explanation was that she wanted to be fair. Well, she was fair all right, although definitely not effective. And since she told me and my sister about it, it was no more a secret vote either.

I am in a dilemma of sorts. I have not yet made up my mind on which way to vote for the member of the state assembly in my area. The incumbent is an idiotic ugly-looking creature who looks like this:

"Gobble gobble..."

Well, actually the picture has been retouched to make him look a lot less ugly. I don't want my readers to puke all over their keyboards. That would be so messy. But there is only so much that a software can do. That guy is a fucking jerk and the whole neighbourhood knows it. He dare not campaign alone because he knows that we hate his guts. So he is always going around with the more popular candidates in his party. He's certainly not getting my vote.

However, I am not impressed with his political opponent either. If I really cannot make up my mind about this, I may just end up writing these three little words on the ballot: "Oh, fuck off."

At least that gives the returning officers something to read. Breaks the monotony of counting votes for sure.

I love the elections. It is the only time when one does not have to go to town to see the circus. No, the circus comes to us instead. The oddest things do happen during election time because.....it is election time. The Star reported today that Chinese PAS supporters are serving beer to non-muslims in their operations room in Kuala Terengganu. Beer? Isn't that a cheap drink? Surely PAS can do better than that? If they want my vote, they gotta serve nothing less than XO. I am not much of a beer drinker. Heck, I don't even like beer. But I like beer drinkers. Their personality improves once they have a glass or too. And their looks improve as well.

There is a Seremban politician who claims that "Hard work will win over looks anytime."
Oh, since when? Hard work wins only some times. Often, the one who wins is the one with the bigger boobs. Oh wait, that could be true. She may have worked hard to get bigger boobs. In that case the saying ought to be "Hard work on your looks will win anytime."
Damn.....I'm giving free English lessons again.

Politics is about power and money. Make no mistake about that. Then why are the names of our political parties not representative of their true intentions? They should take a leaf out of the books of this Indonesian party, the Justice and Prosperity Party. Now that is telling it like it is. No need to be hypocritical about it. Let us have names we can relate to, like "Financial Power Party" or "Abundant Wealth Party". No need to beat around the bush. What, do I have to think of everything?

Is there any good reason for the continued existence of Gerakan? I think not. When it comes to taking an independent stand, Gerakan is not in the same league as MIC or MCA. Umno may push MIC and MCA around, but it knows it should not shove too hard. With Gerakan, it is different. Gerakan is totally subservient to Umno and is so bland and without character it may as well be brain dead.

Gerakan claims to be multiracial, but it is fishing only for the Chinese vote. It is Umno that needs Gerakan more than our multiracial society needs this party. Gerakan is useful to Umno as a pressure on MCA. This was the "divide and conquer" policy of the previous administration. Although few people will be willing to say it, the biggest threat to MCA for the past twenty years has never been the DAP but rather Gerakan. And because MCA has been effectively muzzled by the Umno-Gerakan combination, there has been nobody of sufficient stature left to check the excesses of Umno. And it is these excesses that led to the rise of PAS.

The Chinese should either vote for MCA or the Keadilan/DAP opposition. Voting for Gerakan is a disservice to Malaysian society. Yes, I am calling for the total disappearance of Gerakan from the political scene. It is harsh operation, but necessary.

In today's posting, I have chosen to have my say about the injustice meted out to Dr Syed Husin Ali of Parti Keadilan Rakyat.

The hostility of PAS towards Dr Syed Husin Ali when Dr Syed wanted to contest the Kota Baru seat in Kelantan is something nobody in his right mind can understand. The explanation given by the PAS meteri besar Nik Aziz is that Dr Syed is a socialist. So what about it?

I am unable to decide what the problem is with Nik Aziz: diabolical hypocrisy or plain dumb ignorance. Isn't Malaysia more or less a socialist country? Malaysia's system is closer to socialist Sweden than to capitalist America. Try to deny that......if you can.

You want proof? The FELDA scheme is run along lines of socialism: the state owns the land and the worker toils for a share of the takings. If Nik Aziz feels so strongly against socialism, why didn't he shut down the FELDA schemes in Kelantan?

The treatment meted out to Dr Syed Husin Ali was most unfair and unjustified. Dr Syed is one of the few politicians in the country of good moral character and sense. It is a pity he ended up not running for elections.

Nik Aziz has a lot to answer for. He has come up with more strange ideas in the past than I wish to remember. It is high time that he be replaced as Mentri Besar of Kelantan. I do not care for a politician who gives other people hell in order that he can earn his place in heaven. Too bad Ah Nik, because Heaven does not operate that way.

Wow, what a hectic weekend. To start with, I got my nomination rejected because I wanted to use my unapproved sure-win butt-kicking logo. Those idiots at the nomination centre wanted me to use the umbrella symbol instead. Umbrella symbol? Oh come on, that is so uncool!

Why do they make every independent candidate use the umbrella symbol? The other symbols available such as telephone, key, ant's dick, etc are even more teruk.

I refused to budge from my political stand of course. Winning is not everything.....but looking cool sure is everything. What am I....shallow? When they asked me what my symbol stood for, I showed them my middle finger. They didn't like my method of explanation either.

So I pulled out from the elections with dignity.
However, my supporters did not have that much dignity.
One of them kept shouting "Foock yew" at the officials.
The ang moh char bor singer shouted "ka-ni-ne" at them.
The topless cheerleader squad mooned them.
A passing bystander grabbed the bazooka and fired a few rounds up their asses.

One Jedi master, whom shall not be named, exclaimed,
"Asses open flower.....
Pretty sight, it be not.
Better Hat Yai, go we.
While some daylight still got."

That hamsup Jedi had a point. So we took everything with us(including the sampan) to Hat Yai for the weekend.

I have to thank everybody who supported my nomination. And I thank the members of the press who faithfully followed me around to see some action. And don't worry, I won't tell your editors what you did in Hat Yai.

Today is Nomination Day for the elections. This is the day when political parties go to the nomination centres with their supporters and demonstrate their show of strength. This is the day you can see a lot of ugly faces at one spot.
It's all very juvenile really, when all they need to do is to hand over their nomination forms. Still, in order to be prepared for any eventuality, I compiled a checklist:

* Nomination papers - checked
* Holy water - checked
* Jedi bodyguards - checked
* Topless cheerleader squad - checked
* Tongkat Ali - checked
* Bazooka - checked
* Laser-guided missile- checked
* Global positioning device - checked
* Sampan(in case got flood) - checked
* Maggi Mee - checked
* Coconuts(to throw at opponents) - checked
* Lucky underwear(to ensure the aim is good) - checked
* Minyak cap kapak(in case missed the opponents) - checked
* Popcorn(for the spectators) - checked
* Ang moh char bor singer(to entertain crowd) - checked
* Condoms - Not yet buy

There....almost all set!

I just need to stop at the nearest Seven-Eleven for ....er....some packets of items.

I was never comfortable in making speeches. So when I realised that I had to make some sort of campaign speech in Penang, I shitted brick. What can I say to a bunch of char koay teow eaters? Then I realised that I am also a char koay teow eater. Ho say liaw. I'll just say whatever comes to mind and pretend that nobody is listening.

"People of Penang....nthia wa kong....
Every night you hear the TV telling you "choose feel good, choose to vote". How to feel good? The PORR project is so sian. Such a big contract and they don't consult you thoroughly. Sure you tu lan. I orso very tu lan. Such a big contract and they don't even award any portion to me. What is the meaning of this? But never mind. Wa ka li kong. We are going to vote new people in. And make some people lose their deposits. And then we get hold of these si noong kia who simply awarded the project and make them sweep the Penang bridge everyday with toothbrush.

Look at Penang city. What is there to be proud of? So what if it is the twin city of Adelaide. Very great izzit? Na meh.....how many of you have been to Adelaide? Nobody. How many of you have been to Hat Yai? Everybody! Then why izzit Hat Yai is not the twin city? Ni nabeh....so many Penang people spend so much energy to improve relations with the women of Hat Yai and what happened? They ignore Hat Yai completely. Wah peh....this is too much leh. When I get elected I will make Hat Yai the twin city so that we can have proper international relations. People tell me that many of you have been going to Hat Yai over the weekends for improper international relations. Don't worry.......proper or improper, who can say? Lim peh give you all the title of "goodwill relations ambassadors". This is to reward you for all the hard work you have put in. And you can put the title in your name card. Ho say boh?

I got something for the women too. Especially for busty women who have si beh tua neh neh. If you read my manifesto, you will know that they can get a tax rebate. Those who don't have si beh tua neh neh don't complain lah. It's fair what. They have to carry around all those extra weight in front. Summore have to buy bigger bra size. Wash also must use more soap. You think soap cheap izzit?

I dunno what's wrong with our education system but the standard of English is dropping. Everybody knows that but no action taken. Usual lah..... Ni nao hiah. Improve the English they orso cannot do then what are they the bloody good for? I will give free English classes if elected. I first teach you how to use cool swear words like "fuck" or the unofficial Hokkien version "foock". From now on we will use more "foock" and less "ka-ni-ne". Then after that we can tell the officials not to "foock" with us no more.

What kind of society we are living in, I ask you? The price of everything is going up. Everything go up, never mind. But Viagra price go up, where can?. If elected, I will make sure that Viagra become duty free. If Air Asia can bring down the cost of flying, surely we can also bring down the cost of Viagra. We just need to market the product better.
Air Asia say, "Now, everyone can fly."
So we say, "Now everyone can become teng khok khok."

I make you feel good or not? Then give me your vote. No need to go and listen to my opponents. They all si beh ugly one. Many of them have backsides for faces. You listen to them you will surely faint. Maybe can die orso. If you want to feel good then you vote for me. After I win, we will go to Hat Yai to celebrate big big."

I've decided to stand for elections in Penang. Why? Because that is where the action is. The PM, is running there. The Keadilan chief is running there. Karpal has run back from Selangor to run there. Yes, this is where it's happening this election. And I am a happening guy. I need to be in the thick of action.

And then there is the matter of divine signs which I cannot ignore. I remember that whenever I was in Penang, I would get a stand. Not that I get exceptionally horny in Penang....it is just one of those things that happens.

I wake up in the morning in the hotel room and I would get a stand.
I go walking in the streets of Penang and I would get a stand.
I sit down to enjoy some Penang cendol and I would get a stand.
I go to the hotel pool and watch mat salleh women tanning and I would get a stand.

Okay, maybe that last example was not such a good one as many guys would also get an standing erection watching mat salleh women tanning. That's why they have cold showers installed around the pool....for guys like us. Now when my brains don't slide down to my dick, I can be quite an intelligent guy. My point is, I get a stand so often in Penang that I think it must be a divine sign telling me that it is my destiny to stand in Penang. Not just erectionally, but also electionally. So please try to understand my stand.

Penang was not my first choice. I had thought of contesting in Sungei Siput, but any idiot would be able to win there. Then my victory would be meaningless. No, I need to win in a more meaningful area and I want to win big.

As Yoda the Jedi advised,
"Win in Penang, you fucking do.
Victory otherwise, hollow it be.
Kick their silly balls in, you must!"

Shocking, ain't it? Who would have thought that the little short wrinkled alien could fight so dirty?

My hokkien is a bit rusty. So I spent some effort in brushing up on the dialect by saying "ka-ni-ne" a few times. I should be ready now. Watch out Penang, 'cos here I come!

Now that I have a sure-win logo, I can sit back and relax, goyang kaki a bit and generally goof off. After all, voters will automatically put the cross against my sure-win logo at the ballot box. But my niece said no. She said that I still do not have a manifesto. I told her that I don't need to fuck with no manifesto to win. (I didn't use such colourful language in her presense of course. Hey, I am a good uncle!)

She said, "It's not about winning. It's about looking cool. You don't want to be the only candidate without a manifesto, do you? That would be so uncool!"

She's right, you know. Winning is not everything. But looking cool sure is. Those who say that looking cool is not everything should not be allowed to be seen in public. My niece is a sweet little kid who may not be old enough to vote, but she sure know what our national priorities should be. I think I will make her my Campaign Director.

I need to project an image of being cool, hip and "with-it". So I came up with this manifesto. Now, I have put in a lot of thought in this manifesto(again while driving to work) and I do not think that I have left anything important out. I call it my Manifesto Magnifico. Will it get me supporto? No problemo!

Ladies and gentlemen.......I give you the Manifesto Magnifico ! :

1) Aspiring candidates for Parliament will have to face a panel of beauty judges to ensure that they are not too butt-ugly. Politicians with false hairpieces are automatically barred. If they can't be truthful about their hair, then they cannot be truthful in Parliament.

2) Universities will teach undergraduates the compulsory skills in getting a job, such as how to bodek the interviewer.

3) Under the new National Employment Policy, unemployed graduates will be retrained to become VCD sellers.

4) All illegal VCDs will have to undergo ISO9002 certification.

5) A national gigolo training centre will be set up to implement high standards in performance. We need to ensure that the country becomes the tourist destination of choice for women worldwide.

6) Boys serving in the National Service will be required to undergo a short spell at the new national gigolo training centre, so that they may be ready to do their service to the nation when the tourists arrives in hordes. That will be the true meaning of "national service".

7) Women with large bust sizes will be entitled to a tax rebate. This is to compensate them for having to carry around that extra weight.

8) Beaches on outlying islands will be declared as topless beaches.

9) Ten nude resorts will be set up for religious purposes. God make babies naked and therefore humans may not be meant to wear clothes. Citizens will be allowed to go to nude resorts for all sorts of religious reasons. However, people are expected to be totally nude, but will be allowed to wear a condom if the situation requires it. This only applies to people "fucking for religious reasons".

10) Oral sex will be heavily promoted to be the method of choice for family planning. Sperm banks will be set up in every town for women wishing to spit out the sperm. For every donation made, you get a bottle of free mouthwash.

I've decided to stand for elections. That's right, you heard me. I said elections, not erections. Not everything with me is about sex. This decision did not come suddenly. I had thought long and hard about it while driving to work this morning. Actually, I was trying to think about sex, but I ended up thinking about the elections instead. Oh well, what the heck.....

There are only a few more days left to nomination day, so I have to quickly get my priorities in order. The first thing to do is to focus on the most important thing that will ensure my success in getting elected.
Is it a political manifesto based on the principles of good governance?
Is it strong financial backing from partisan business interests?
Or is it a capable team of ardent hardcore supporters?

Nah.....all these are really not important!

In matters like this, it is crucial to keep a cool head and concentrate on the most important thing that can win the election.......the logo.

So right away, I quickly designed my election logo to define my political stand.

(To be placed next to political opponent's poster.)

Don't worry if you cannot understand this logo. You people are not politicians so I don't blame you. Just allow a savvy political mind like mine to explain its political message to you. The middle finger signifies "Up yours!". Everybody knows that. Normally it should be pointing upwards. But local politicians are not normal people. Many of them bend this way and that way. So if I am going to stick it to them, I will have to angle the middle finger sideways. I have a devious mind, which is why I can become a good politician.

Note that the colour of the finger is red. This means that it is hot, like a red hot poker. When I stick this to my political opponents, they are going to feel the heat deeply. Muahahahahaha!!!!! I am such a badass. Welcome to the rough-and-tumble world of politics.

I have to remember to tell my supporters that there is no need to go around campaigning for me. With a sure-win logo like this, what is there to campaign?

There has been strong indications that DAP's Karpal Singh is running away from Penang to contest in Petaling Jaya for the coming elections. This has caused misgivings among both government and opposition supporters in Selangor.

Our 5Star reporter interviewed a PJ resident to get his view. We know of course that the 5Star, not being an MCA paper, is 5 times more independent than the nearest competitor.

5Star

5Star reporter : Do you support Karpal Singh standing for elections in Selangor?

PJ resident : In a way.....

5Star reporter : In what way ?

PJ resident : Far away.....

For the past few weeks, I have been watching this advertisement on TV that ends with the words,
"Impossible is nothing."

So I asked myself, "Is this correct?"

When I was in school, I was taught that "nothing is impossible".
Oh really?
Okay, try this: Invert yourself inside out so that what was previously inside is now hanging outside. What, you can't do a simple thing like that?

Okay, let's try something simpler. Try to lick your own eyebrows with your tongue and tell me if that is possible. What, not possible again?
Of course it is impossible! There are lots of things that are impossible. Whoever said that "Nothing is impossible" was an optimist with his head in the clouds.

Now, let us examine that TV statement "Impossible is nothing." Is this correct? If a thing is impossible, then it would not be done and it would not exist. And because it does not exist, it is not anything. Therefore, it is nothing. This concludes that "impossible is nothing".

No wonder kids spend so much time in front of the TV. Where else can they learn all the correct stuff?

And if you, through some evolutionary quirk, are the odd guy who can really lick your own eyebrows, I know a low budget film producer who can really use your talent as an upcoming attraction.

Three things I hate about voting:

* While deciding who to vote for at the ballot box, everyone outside can hear you scream.

* There is no section on the ballot paper where you can just tick "Fuck off".

* You spend 5 minutes queueing to vote, and then spend 5 more years trying to prevent the MP from screwing with you.


What I love about voting: err.....umm......I will have to get back to you on this one.

I used to go to Sungei Buloh to look for plants. There was one nursery there that had a parrot which wished all and sundry, "Kung Hei Fatt Choy!". And it could wolf-whistle as well.

According to this piece of news, there is a parrot on the ship, the HMS Lancaster, that was so foul-mouthed that it could put even some humans to shame.

To quote the article,
In the past the bird has asked women to "show us your t*ts" and told top brass to "f*** off".

I always wondered why parrots have the ability to become great mimics. They don't seem to use this ability as a survival technique in the wild. Is this some sort of an evolutionary joke?

Political parties have been known to promise just about anything to the electorate in order to get their votes. There is nothing surprising in this as it is merely a more sophisticated form of prostitution. I love listening to election speeches because I get entertained by what is being prostituted in front of me. I have never been promised a passage into heaven before though, so this news article came as an eye-opener.

Oh wow! My vote can get me a place in heaven! Should I go for it?

I remember a story of an old man who died and went to heaven. He was stopped at heaven's gate because he was carrying his old TV. When he was asked why he needed the TV in heaven, the man replied, "It wouldn't be heaven without it."

Of course, like some other greedy souls, I can also be persuaded to vote for any political party if it can guarantee me passage into heaven. But wait....will there be a brand new shiny red Ferrari at my disposal when I get there? Because it just wouldn't be heaven without it. And I want to own it in ADVANCE right now.

It is heartening to know that many veteran politicians will give way to a younger crop of people. This is the way society moves forward. Old blood makes way for new blood with new ideas. However, in this New Straits Times article, that Samy fella obviously has other ideas. To quote the article:

To a question if this would be his last election campaign, Samy said he would continue as long as he was needed.
"I'm only 66 and as I have said before, I believe I can continue working for much longer."

Say again, Samy......you believe what?

Let me tell you a thing or two about beliefs.

A long time ago, people believed that the world was flat, but that did not make it true.
Many Malaysians believed they could get rich from empat ekor, but that did not make it true.
The BN gahmen believed they could not lose Terengganu in the last election, but that did not make it true.

So, come again, Samy......you believe what?

Three out of ten people eligible to vote do not exercise their right. Why don't they? Maybe it is because that some people have uh.....other priorities.

Overheard in coffeeshop:

Ol' coot: "I feel a big election coming."
Young buck: "Good for you, old man!"

Ol' coot: "I forgot when was the last time we had a big election."
Young buck: "Oh, I limember I had big election before bleakfast this morning."

Ol' coot: "Hey, wait...I'm talking about exercising your right!"
Young buck: "Hehe! Acherly, hor, I used my left hand! I lefthander mah....."

Ol' coot: "No, no, no! I mean when we mark the ballot paper."
Young buck: "Kinky ahhh...you! Normal people mark tissue paper only....."

Goodness me! Now you know why the remaining seven tenth of us get to determine the government we get.

I normally do not blog on Sundays as I have loads of stuff to do than spend time on the computer. But today is February the 29th, which comes only once every four years, so I thought I would make an exception.

"We have a leap year once every four years, and we will have twenty-four leap years this century."

Oh, look! I blogged something!

The 5Star comic page today.

5Star

This piece of news from Swaziland is absolutely mind-boggling.

To quote the news article:

Swaziland's absolute monarch has singled out women wearing trousers as the cause of the world's ills in a state radio sermon that also condemns human rights as an "abomination before God".

"The Bible says curse be unto a woman who wears pants, and those who wear their husband's clothes. That is why the world is in such a state today," King Mswati said.

Ah yes...I see it now. There never was anything wrong with the world until women wore trousers. Yes, yes, this is all so clear to me. World War I and II happened because women started wearing trousers. Before that, there were no wars, not even small arguments. Before women started wearing trousers, even fighting fish would not fight! They just rubbed their tails at each other. I understand that now.

The bird flu in Asia....that must have been caused by women wearing trousers. It was not caused by germs because germs don't wear trousers. I should have understood that.

Let us not forget the Cameron Highlands landslide. That must have been triggered off by women wearing trousers. We know that the rain and ground conditions have nothing to do with it. Ah yes, I understand it all now. Oh thank you, king Mswati, for I was blind, but now I see.

And the recent earthquakes in Iran and Morocco were caused by women wearing trousers. Oh dear.....these two countries must have the highest concentration of women wearing trousers in the world. How else can you explain their earthquakes? So let us have no more of the 'seismic ground movement' bullshit theories from now on.

But wait.....did somebody say that most of the women in Iran and Morocco don't wear trousers? So what? Just one woman wearing trousers is enough. Because when the men see one woman wearing trousers, the whole male population will all jump in the air in surprise at the same time. And when they all land back on the ground at the same time with a huge "thud", this will definitely cause a huge earthquake. Surely everybody can understand that, yes?

The FBI were wrong! They said that September 11 terrorists were all men. No, no, no! Can't anybody see that they were not men but women wearing trousers? Is that so difficult to understand? You should not let their beards fool you!

We have to thank king Mswati for helping us to understand why the world is in such a state. But wait...there is something that I still do not understand. Why does the king have a woman's name like Ms Wati? Can it be that he is not a man.....but a woman wearing trousers and claiming to be king? Does that make him an "abomination before God"?

I am so confused. I think I shall go and look at some women in skirts to improve my understanding.

Here is the Rotiboy recipe I promised you people last week. Note that the recipe may not be the same as that used by the Rotiboy Bakeshoppe but it should be somewhat similar. This bun is also known as the Mexican bun. The rotiboy consists of three parts: the filling, topping, and sweet dough. The filling and topping can be prepared beforehand and kept in the refrigerator until ready for use. The ingredients and instructions for preparing each of the three parts are given as follows:


Filling

Ingredients:
200 g salted butter, softened
1/2teaspoon vanilla flavouring
70 g brown sugar

Instructions
Beat butter in electric mixer on medium speed with the paddle attachment for three minutes.
Blend in vanilla essence and brown sugar.
Spoon mixture into bowl and refrigerated until firm.
Divide mixture into 20 g portion into ball. Keep refrigerated until ready to use.



Topping

Ingredients:
200 g butter, softened
160 g icing sugar, sifted
3 Grade A eggs, lightly beaten
1 teaspoon coffee flavouring(available from bakery supplies shop)
(You can use 2 tablespoons instant coffee powder dissolved in 1 tablespoon water instead of the coffee flavouring.)
A pinch of ground cinnamon can be added to the coffee flavouring for extra flavour.
200 g low protein (high ratio) flour, sifted

Instructions:
Beat butter and icing sugar in electric mixer with the paddle attachment on medium speed for five min. until mixture is light and fluffy. Gradually beat in eggs. Mix in coffee flavouring. Sift flour onto mixture and mix on low speed until combined. Refrigerate until ready to use.



Sweet dough

Ingredients:
500g high protein flour, sifted
5g bread improver, sifted + 5 g bread softener
20 g milk powder, sifted
75 g castor sugar
6 g salt
8g day instant yeast
1 egg lightly beaten
270g water or milk(do not use milk powder if using milk)
60 g butter softened

Instructions
Mix sifted flour, castor sugar and salt in electric mixer with dough hook on low speed for one min. Mix in yeast. Add egg and water or milk.Mix on low speed for another minute. Mix on medium speed for eight minutes. Mix in butter. Mix five minutes more on medium speed until soft, smooth and elastic(but not sticky) dough forms.
Remove dough from mixture and shape into a ball.

Divide the dough into 55 g portions(should get 17 portions). Roll each portion into a ball. Cover the balls of dough and leave to rest for 10 min.



To shape the buns:

Flatten a ball of dough with the palm of your hand. Place a ball of filling in the centre of the dough. Gather the edge and pinch to seal. (Be sure to seal well or the filling will leak out during baking.) Pat into shape and place on a greased baking tray. Repeat with remaining portions of dough . Place each bun about 7.5 cm apart on the baking trays.
Prove for 45 min in a warm place.
Pipe the topping on the buns in a spiral, starting from the centre.
Bake in preheated oven at 200 deg C for 12 to 15 min or until buns are lightly brown.

Happy baking!

For some time now, I have been wondering about what is going on in the National Service camps. I suspect that some of our urban lads who come from well-to-do backgrounds may have trouble coping. Since parents are not allowed to go inside the camp proper to check up on their kids, one enterprising NS trainee paid a part-time cook to smuggle out this letter to his anxious parents:

Dear Mum and Dad

My National Service camp is really a wonderful place to be in and is not a dump. It is run by some professional people who told us not to act like idiots who tend to always go wan- dering about. They were always loo- king in the toilets like all-time hygiene was crucial. Our health and pleasure was important to them! The dining area is our best place 'cos the food tastes like highly processed quality nutrition. This is no bull- shit! Man, oh man, all of us are so fu- ll of praise. There is nothing we la- cked! Our leaders should all try this!

When Mum read the note, she thought happily that her son was adjusting well to life in camp.

But Dad knew his son better. So he read only the odd numbered lines 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 and 15.

There was once a princess, who one day thought that it would be a good idea to go jump into the lake. So she shucked her clothes, took a running jump into the lake, and exclaimed,

"This is pretty amazing.....my first time in the water and I can swim already!"

The princess soon spied a frog sunning itself on a rock. And so she thought to herself,

"Hmmmmm....I read in fairy tales that sometimes a witch will turn a prince into a frog and he can only transform back into a prince after he is kissed by a princess. Should I kiss this frog? Eeeeewww....this one is so damn ugly!"

Leaning towards the frog, the princess kissed it nevertheless. It was a half-hearted effort. It should have been a much better kiss. The frog was actually a prince under a spell. Pooof!!! The frog transformed immediately into a .......dog! Alas, the kiss was just not passionate enough to supply sufficient emotional energy to complete the transformation.

This concept may be difficult to swallow for those of you with a poor imagination. So, those of you who are above 18 years of age are allowed to click on this picture link to get a clearer idea. If however, you are not above 18, and you clicked on that link, then......er......hmmmmphh......that would have been very bad!

But back to the story.

The princess thought;
"Hey....I was expecting a handsome prince, not a dumb dog! Oh never mind.....I can always use a pet. A dog is more obedient that a boyfriend anyway. Besides, I can always name it "Prince". Here Prince, come here boy....good dog!"

And the dog thought;
"Damn...this chick can't kiss....and now my transformation is incomplete. Fuck! But still, being a dog beats being a frog. Hahaha, I can stop eating flies now. Besides, wow, that chick as a fantastic pair of tits! I think I will follow her home....."

And so, they lived happily ever after.


- The End -


And now for the moral of the story. There are three morals. Why three? Because I am lazy. I want to show you three morals without having to tell three stories. I know that's immoral, but what to do?

Moral # 1: A half-assed effort begets a half-assed result.

Moral # 2: Life does not always turn out the way you wish, but that does not mean that you can't be happy.

Moral # 3: Even ridiculous stories can make some sense as long as you have a decent picture.

It is always a good thing when Monday is a public holiday. I am now well rested from my trip to the Sg Klah Hot Springs park in Sungkai yesterday. It was recently opened and so the facilities are still new. Give it a few more years and it will not be worth visiting. That is the problem will many of Malaysia's attractions. They are good only when they are new . But enough of that. I am not going to be sidetracked into a rant today.

The water in the park was a respectable 60 degrees centigrade. One girl was boiling eggs at one of the many hot spring sources. It takes about 7 minutes to get the eggs to become hard-boiled. Here is the picture.



The entrance fee was 4 ringgit for adults and 2 for kids. The officer said that I looked matured enough to pass for an adult so I had to pay 4 ringgit. Still, the park it was a good way to spend two hours. Being conscious of germs, I did not swim in the huge hot water swimming pool. I would advise people against it as well as the water is not chlorinated and people can pick up infections from the warm and still waters of huge hot spring swimming pools. The smaller therapeutic pools are safer as they are hotter and the water is flowing. Many picnickers can be found in the park as it was a Sunday. Still, the atmosphere was not crowded as many people are not aware of it's opening, I guess. As we did not bring our own food, we decided to go to Bidor for lunch.

The badly maintained road into the park can be dangerous. Some sides have been eroded away to resemble mini drops. I would advise impatient drivers not to speed along this road. Once you go off the road, you will not be able to get up on to the road again without a crane. This is a metallic estate road so a few parts are passable to only one car at a time.

Lunch in Bidor was passable and cheap. We went to the Tien Tien Lai restaurant. We had five dishes including fish and ostrich meat and the bill came up to 66 ringgit. for a table of five people.