Stepping aside for Reality

Just went to the bank. Needed cash for angpow. A friend is getting married this weekend. The Klang Valley standard nowadays is about RM60-100 per head for a wedding dinner, depending on the hotel.

The hotels all serve the same menu. The first dish is going to be the "Four Seasons". I can bet on that. The second dish will be the seafood soup. It used to be sharks' fin soup before it became unfashionable, not to say ecologically irresponsible, to eat sharks' fins. Luckily it is possible to make artificial sharks' fins out of flour and flavouring.

The speeches will come after the fish is served.

The last dish before the dessert will be rice. And most of the rice will be left uneaten. And thrown away. Pity. People who attend wedding dinners should tapow(pack) back the rice. I attended a wedding dinner once and sat with a table of small eaters. The roast chicken was almost untouched, so I tapowed it back. Ate it in front of the TV for the next few nights. It was good!

Disclaimer:
The following play is purely fictitious and the characters bear no resemblance to any persons alive or dead, or even half-dead.
Any resemblance found is purely coincidental.

Yeah.....right......but let's get on with the play.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Play

Act II Scene 1

[A man with an unusual hairstyle, is seated in a hotel lobby, and talking to himself]

Hair: What a wounding shame this is, that the multitudes call for my blood, demanding unjustly that the virtuous Valiant Hair should go. Be it known that I, the greatest, am misthought, for acts that the gods do. Halfwitted mortals that they be, that they unreasonably entreat me to suffer not the rocks to fall and the mud to slide. Nor suffer the roads and bridges to fail. Oh vile fools! The most infectious pestilence upon them! Know they not that all bridges and roads faileth in time? In two years, two months or two days. Who knoweth?

[Enters another old man.]

Lim: Greetings, Valient Hair. Thy face cloudeth over as the ugliest night! Come now. Pray tell, what ails thee?

Hair: Greetings, O most noble Lim. My troubles are many, for the people of the land, they like me not!

Lim: Nay, good sir, surely thou art mistaken!

Hair: ‘Tis true. Ungrateful wretches! Hath I not been a noble servant unto them all these years? Didst I not leadeth them strongly all this time?

Lim: Perhaps that’s why.

Hair: What?

Lim: Nothing! I crave thy pardon. To be liked, or not to be liked: that is the question. But surely there be some who like thee as thou art?

Hair: Nay. Even the spirits......they like me not!

Lim: How about the hungered stray cats? They doth love everybody. Surely they like thee?

Hair: Nay, they shiteth with abandon in my path as I walketh out. Damnable creatures! They like me not!

Lim: What about the birds in the air? Surely they love thee?

Hair: Nay, they shiteth on my blossoming hair whensoever I walketh out my abode! They like me not!

Lim: How about the fish in yonder sea?

Hair: They like me not!

Lim: Allow me to guess. They shiteth in thy mouth when you eateth them. And they filleth they mouth full of foul smelling fish shit. And when talketh yee, the shit doth falleth out instead of words. Oho......why, the vile fishes!

Hair: Sayest I not that!

Lim: Oooops…..sorry! Hark I hear a horse!

Hair: It likes me not.

Lim: Nay, nay! Meaneth I, something heavy this way cometh. Methinks a horse doth approacheth.

Hair: What? In this hotel? I fear thou art mistaken!

[Enter the Lady Tempest.]

Hair: See? It be no horse but the fair Tempest!

Tempest: Greetings, my noble lords!

Hair and Lim: Greetings to thee, my lady.

Tempest: Oh valiant Hair. I hear the multitudes baying for thy blood at every street corner. The voices gather steam at every rock fall. Thinketh I, perchance they like thee not!

Lim: I assure thee, they like him not!

Hair: Enough! Hold thy tongues! Seeketh thou me someone who like me and hateth me not. Wouldst I reward him most generously and calleth him my bosom friend!

Lim: Indulge him, sweet Tempest, for his wits are drown'd and lost in his calamities.

Tempest: Consider the deed done. Let us lay hold upon a hotel waiter. Notable fellas, with no more brains than a half-cooked goose. But they love everybody!

Lim: Hark! I hear a horse!

Tempest: In this hotel? Amazing!

Hair: I fear thou art mistaken as afore, for there be no horses allowed the run of this hotel.

[Enter a man wearing a bow-tie. Although not a waiter , he can easily be mistaken for one, because of the bow-tie.]

Hair: See? 'Tis no horse but the hotel waiter!

Bowtie: [Talking to himself.]
Oh, fool that I was! To think that the delegates wouldst cast me their votes without demanding their pound of flesh! A pox upon the politics of gold sovereign pieces! Once I sat in the Council, and now I sit outside. I have been betrayed! Foul villany afoot hath robbed me of my rightful place! Bastards and all!

[Valiant Hair calls to the Man in bowtie]

Hair: Ho, waiter! Come here!

Man in bow-tie: [Still talking to himself.]
I can see it in their eyes! Now that I no more am within the Council, their scornful laughter ring loud behind my back. As hideous hyenas in shameless heat! Lying rascals with sheep-biting faces! Something is rotten in the state, when a clean-handed man of my exalted position, secures not a seat in the Council. All because the money corruption, doth boil and bubble. Till it o'er-run the stew. But never again doubt I, the power of money!

Hair: Waiter! Come anon yee scoundrel! Wouldst thou tell me thou like me?

Bowtie: Waiter? Thou treateth me as a waiter, now that I hath lost my seat? Hath I lost all respect? It is far worse than I feared. To be so thought as being weak and softer than a virgin’s cheek. Such ignominy! The fates have indeed been cruel!

Hair: Cease thy senseless mumbling, waiter! Just tell me anon that thou doth like me!

Bowtie: To hell goeth thou! Indeed I like thee not! If thou calleth me ‘Waiter’ one time more, I‘ll smite the stupid out of thy silly countenance!

[Man in bowtie walks away and leaves the scene.]

Lim: Zounds! The scallywag hath farketh off rudely without as much as a by your leave. What ungracious manners!

Tempest: Oh......farketh him!

Lim: Madam! Watch thee thy language, sweet lady!

Tempest: Oooooops......pardon me!

Hair: Vengeance! Plague! Pestilence! Confusion! Damn the fellow! Oh fates, take thou what course thou wilt!

Lim and Tempest: Egad! Tis true then!
Doubt us the earth rotateth.
Doubt us the stars are hot.
But let us doubt no further
that people like Valiant Hair not!

[Curtain closes]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I read Lucia's posting last week and it made me realized that it was important to get people to like you. That struck a nerve in me. Then I read the entry in The Book review Blog about "The Problem with Shakespeare". That struck another nerve in me.

And then I realized something else......I have not written a Shakespearean play for many months......since January 10th this year when I wrote Act One Scene One. I guess it is time for Act Two Scene One. I was aiming to post it today but it is taking longer than I thought.

My limited free time is a bit of a constraint, but luckily a few ideas come to me now and then while driving along the highway. Occasionally a darn ludicrous idea would appear to me just as I was approaching the toll gate. I would then smile, and the toll gate clerk would think I was smiling at her. And then I would giggle as she gives me back the change. Bwahahahaha! I gotta stop appearing stupid in the presence of the toll gate clerks.

Act Two Scene One should be posted tomorrow. I've given up trying to make it sound professionally written. I ain't the Bard, and besides, nobody in their right mind is expecting anything better than bullshit quality from my postings. So, ready or not, it will appear tomorrow.

Over the weekend. I went to a Japanese restaurant with Hot Babe. It was one of those Japanese all-you-can-eat buffet places. Hot Babe said that I had been working too hard, so she offered to pay for lunch. I was touched. My wallet was thrilled.

Hot Babe is one of those women whom everybody would call good looking. Nice tits, great smile, very even teeth. She's one of those people who look good in a dress, skirt or pants. Trim tummy, nice tits and tapered legs. She does not do well in the mental arithmetic department though. With her, the simplest arithmetic calculations has to be done with a calculator. But she has a great sense of humour, bubbly personality, and of course, nice tits.

In the restaurant, I notice a number of tables with women only. Girls eating in an all-you-can-eat buffet? I thought only men go for these things. Even Hot Babe impressed me with her appetite. It's like she ate almost as much as me. She's only about 50 kg so I don't quite know where the food goes. Hot Babe does not smoke and hardly drinks, but she sure can pack away the prawns, de-shelling them skillfully with the knife and fork before eating.

Although Hot Babe can be mischievous, she is not a sly person. I am frequently amused by the way she thinks of others before considering her actions. Amused and impressed. This lady will still be classy when she reaches 70.

So over the weekend, I wrote a poem for Hot Babe. It goes like this:

"You must have been a beautiful baby
The kind that moms and dads admire
And now that you have grown up already
You set my ready loins on fire.

You've grown to be a beautiful lady
And you move your bod with so much grace
I love the way your cute ass go wavy
When you shake your tushy in my face."

But I don't think I will ever recite it to her. It sounds so corny.
So this piece will just have to stay in this blog quietly.
Like a silent tribute.

How do you respond when a Japanese visitor asks you "What curry masak kah?"

Do I praise him for his ability to take curry, or praise him for his ability to say a Malaysian word?

Before I could respond, my female colleague piped up and said, "Hai, wakarimashita!" (translation: "Yes, understood!")

Damn! I was hoping that he was talking about lunch rather than "Wakarimasu ka?" (translation: "Do you understand?"). You'd think that visitors have more important things to discuss than to talk about work.

Oh boy. Gonna be a lonnnggg day. Sucky desu. Yucky desu. Taihen fucky desu.

Occasionally, I get documents in the RTF format. To the uninitiated, RTF simply means Ready To Fuck. (Okay I'm kidding.) I seldom get these documents but I am told that the RTF format is somewhat less prone to computer viruses. Which is good. I hardly ever open a DOC file received by email even though most of my documents are in the DOC format of Microsoft Word. To the uninitiated, DOC simply means Dick Out Cold. (Again I'm kidding.)

But for the past few days I found myself saving my documents in RTF format before circulating them. One of my colleagues has been objecting. Claimed that all Word documents should be in DOC format. I can see how different we both are. I told him that I'm physically RTF while he has his decrepit DOC. Heheheh! Love that phrase! Syiok sendiri I do. The pressure's getting to me. Hope this is not another working weekend again.

While on the subject of Word documents, try this: open a blank Microsoft Word document and then type the following:

=rand(200,99)

Then hit the 'Enter' key and wait a few seconds. Weird huh?

And oh, ever since my free Blogger account hit the 300 post mark, it has been combining my past articles. Guess I will have to go and do some housekeeping, meaning, delete those postings which I think are of no further interest to me.

Have a great weekend fellas. Don't worry about hardworking people like me who have to keep the planet rotating.

I came back to the house at lunchtime today. Had to fetch something. Now what was it?

Today's blog posting is my 303rd post. Nice number....303. Very auspicious in the Cantonese dialect.

Also, 3 + 0 + 3 = 6
And 6 sounds like sex. Definitely auspicious. No doubt about that.

So, in honour of the event, I'm blogging this totally naked. And I powdered my butt cheeks for the occasion.
Didn't have proper face powder, so I made use of curry powder. Looks the same shade, but cheaper. Very much cheaper.

A long time ago, when I first started blogging, I wanted to blog about the injustices in the world. Yeah, I took the Moral High Road. Somewhere down the line, I realize that there were just not that many injustices in my life. Except for the "ordinary horse dick" thingy. Before I knew it, I had wandered off onto the Moral Middle Road. And then this blog started to display characteristics of pseudo-intellectual bullshit. Can't understand why. But I guess that if you take your attention from your objective long enough, strange things are bound to happen.

Oh heck, the curry powder is starting to make their way down to my balls and I'm getting a slightly warm tingly feeling. Maybe I shouldn't have piled on the powder so liberally. But the stuff is so cheap, so I can afford it. But my balls are telling me now that they can't afford it.

Frankly, I am surprised that I have managed to keep up my blog this far. I'm even more surprised that the stuff I write gets circulated around in emails, blogs, online forums and whatnot. True, it is highly flattering. However, it is really of no importance.

Gee. Some of the curry powder has settled down onto the one-eyed purple-headed warrior. Maybe I shouldn't have moved around that much in my seat. It's starting to smart a bit now. Getting more and more unbearable..... I'm losing clarity in thought......and starting to wonder why there are no recipes featuring curry sausages.

Well, why not? If you have can have curry meat, it's only logical to have curry sausages.

Hold on.

*splash.......wipe......zip*

Okay, I' m not naked anymore, if that helps everybody regain their normal appetite. Besides, it's about time I head off back to the office anyway.

Have a great day ahead, everybody!

You know, during the 8TV Quickie every night, they always have a short trailer advert, during which a female voice says something that sounded like "E mouse good." Or at least that was what I thought I heard.

My friends disagree with me. They said that since the word 'Quickie' is associated with sex, there must be a sexual message somehow in there. However, I once heard the 8TV hottie, Marion, say it a couple of times during the show while talking to the other metrosexual what's-his-name colleague, and I still think that it sounded like "E mouse good." But frankly, it doesn't sound like the sort of thing that a hot chick like Marion would say.

This is a knowledge society, and we can't let a thing like that cloud our perception of Marion. So, out of pure and noble intentions, I took a quick opinion survey among my friends and colleagues to fnd out what they thought was being said.

And here are the results:

"E mouse good." (1 vote, mine)
"E miles good." (0 votes)
"He smiles good." (1 vote)
"He smells good." (3 votes)
"He mounts good." (15 votes)

Okay. Majority wins. We're gonna go with "He mounts good."

Damn, my friends have one-tracked minds. But it's all starting to make sense to me now.

Feeling blah-blah and unaccomplished this morning. So I wrote this poem "My plea to Heaven" on the fly. It still doesn't sound that smooth yet 'cos I don't have time to edit it thoroughly. But what the heck, I'm a busy man. Unaccomplished, but busy.


My plea to Heaven

"I'm an ordinary guy, with an ordinary life
Fighting through my woes, with an ordinary knife
What I need is some, not-so-ordinary luck
So I can give much more, than an ordinary fuck

But Fate has looked at me, in its ordinary way
And now I fear that I'm, just an ordinary lay
If Heaven gives me some, extraordinary Force
My dick can grow like that, of an ordinary horse"

Gotta go. See ya.

1. It is not his fault that rocks can fall and mud can slide.
2. Besides, he is giving the public an amazing education on why rocks can fall and mud can slide.
3. He does a great job at provoking laughter compared to the stale daily cartoon pages
4. He is our foremost expert on the art of public speaking without really saying anything
5. We may not make the quantum leap into space age carbon technology without him.
6. We need somebody to act as the referee when consulants don't agree with each other.
7. Without him, it may be difficult to witness any divine acts of God.
8. Once you have seen his perpetual sneer on TV, every TV actor looks beautiful.
9. People with unusual hairstyles can always look to him for inspiration.
10. We need old datuks to hang around to remind us that the title must actually mean something.

This blog will see only infrequent postings for the next couple of weeks. I am working on a 'must-win' major tender and the work has started to affect my logical thought processes. If you think that I am not a logical person before, you should see my colleagues.

All of us are coping with the pressure in our own mysterious ways. Unfamiliar women have been putting their hands on my butt for no reason. I think I'm getting delirious. Either that or some female colleagues are reacting to the work pressure in their own mysterious ways.

See ya every now and then.

Due to work pressure, I shall attempt to blog using only one sentence. Damn, I used two.

I read through this news article about the Pahang Menteri Besar's complaints about the new East Coast Expressway.

To quote the article:

He also invited Works Minister S. Samy Vellu to go with him to see the design defects of the new RM1.2-billion (S$535-million) East Coast Expressway.
He wanted the minister to experience for himself the 'slide' effects at several corners and bumpy stretches of the highway.

Slide effects? Slide effects are caused by a car going around a turn and experiencing the tendency to slide off the road. This effect can be mitigated by building the road at an angle in a process known as "banking" in the construction line. This is why velodromes for cycling events have their track paths built angled downwards towards the centre of the velodrome. The banking calculations for level roads are easy enough to calculate for the turns.

However, if the road slope downwards while turning, the calculations become highly complex and most civil engineers(if not all) will not able to do the calculations. It is my opinion that civil engineers should not try to solve this on their own. It is beyond their capabilities. The only viable option is to make a correct estimate of the speed of approach and then use a good simulation software to work out the banking requirements.

One a stretch is badly banked, there is often no other remedy short of tearing ip up and reconstructing it again. And it is a scary experience to drive over a badly banked road. I don't know about you, but I am having a lack of confidence about our highway designers recently.

This will be one of the rare times that I blog on a Saturday. But hey, Malaysian Idol was on last night. By now, it should be apparent to all and sundry that I follow the show, to the detriment of my Friday social life.

Here's my account of last night's MI grand final on TV:


Genting must be really cold because the judge Fauziah Latiff was so wrapped up. At the high attitude, the effects of gravity must be weaker as she had HUGE earrings to weigh her ears down. Actually she looked quite classy, which was a relief. We know that celebrities often have a knack for looking trampy for a big occasion. Roslan recited a pantun. This was okay with me this time because it was done before the actual show. He did it off the cuff, which is a plus point with poetry critics like me. Paul Moss looked ordinary, as usual.

Okay.....the singing.
Dina started first with "Gemilang". It was a good effort. The buildup was nice but the ending was not spectacular. The last note should have been one long note to be more impressive. I think she did not have enough breath. Probably nervous. Paul Moss caught the weak ending and brought it up.

Jac then came on with Tunggu Sekejap. It was good. However, I thought that the last note, although strong, was a bit too short for my liking. I would have preferred it if she had dragged out the last note for 3 more seconds.

Then, during the commercial break, the TV showed the American Idol Fantasia Barrino telling the MI contestants to kick butt. That was a surprise screening.

Dina then came on again and sang "Jelingan Manja". This effort was not as good as her first song. Kak Jee didn't think it was Dina's best. Paul Moss said that the ending was good but the main song was not. WTF was Paul talking about? I thought the main song was okay but the ending was very disjointed. If you had recorded the show, just listen to the ending and you know what I mean.

Jac then sang "When I fall in love". It was very well received by the crowd. Roslan remarked that during this round Jac had already gone ahead of Dina. Paul remarked that Jac is taking a risk by singing two slow numbers in this competition. I didn't see anything spectacular with this song although it was still better than Dina's second song.

During the commercial break, the TV showed American Idol contestants George Huff and Jennifer Hudson. What, no William Hung? Thank goodness! Jennifer Hudson looked slimmer this time.

Then for the final song, Dina sang "Hit em up style". It was good but not as good as her previous rendition a few weeks ago. I think this must have been her favourite song. Dina was not herself tonight. The cheeky kid character was gone. I think the occasion overwhelmed her. Even before Jac brought on the final song, it was obvious to all who the better singer was for the night.

Jac then sang "Gemilang". The main song was okay. The ending however, was superb. She owned the stage and wowed the audience in the final minute. I had the feeling that part of it was unrehearsed, which made it all the more impressive. In fact the final minute reminded me a bit of Fantasia Barrino. By the time the song was over, she had stamped her class over the event.

So who was the better performer? You know the answer already.

But who will win? Hard to tell. It depends on the fans. Dina has a group of superbiker diehard supporters who claimed on TV that they have spent "almost the cost of a bike" to support her. I don't know how much a superbike costs, but it should be expensive. Then the TV showed Jac's lone diehard supporter, a mak chik who looked like she could be a primary school librarian or the canteen nasi lemak lady. What, the TV crew can find only one diehard supporter for Jac? The mak chik said that she had spent several hundred ringgit in votes on Jac already. Wow, such a big contrast in diehard fans between Jac and Dina! Which is why I say that it is difficult to predict who will win tonight. By 9.30 tonight, we should know the answer. And yes, I'm giving up my social life tonight again to glue myself to the TV.

* Ladies and gentlemen, Viewtru has left the building. *

I was reading the news article on Traders stage walkout when the last sentence caught my attention:

Applicants for the lots were also asked to pay a RM202 deposit, have at least RM1,000 in a bank account and purchase umbrellas for RM100 each.

I wonder what umbrellas City hall could be selling for RM100 each. Pardon my ignorance, but since when is City Hall supposed to be in the umbrella trading business? And what kind of umbrella will cost RM100? Now I have not seen this super umbrella yet, but if City Hall wants to sell it at RM100, then it must be really good and have the most fantastic features. What kind of fantastic features? I don't know, but for RM100 I would definitely expect the following:

* The umbrella should be waterproof. You know that. I know that. I'm just wondering if City Hall knows that.

* For RM100, the umbrella should have a gold handle and a matching casing.

* It should also come equipped with an automatic pothole detector so you can avoid all the many potholes that City Hall have yet to fix.

* The umbrella should have an electrified tip to stun any corrupt officer daring enough to ask for bribes.

* The handle should be detachable to reveal a hidden light sabre so that you can play at being Luke Skywalker. This feature is also useful in case the electrified tip does not work.

* The umbrella should come together with an inbuilt mini karaoke set so that you can also go singing in the rain.


Looks like I really expect a lot for my RM100, huh? But then my RM100 is as big as a bullock cart wheel. Hey, there's nothing wrong in expecting good value for money, is there?

Frankly, I am surprised that City Hall would want to get involved in the umbrella business. I mean, is the extra money really that important to City Hall and its officers? No, please don't answer that question.

I think I may have the proper solution to this. If City Hall officers feel very strongly that their RM100 umbrella is better than all other umbrellas, then they should perhaps set up a stall to sell their umbrellas to the public. Since they are so hardworking, they should have no problems with that, right?

News come from many sources today. We have radio news, printed news, TV news, Internet news, and SMS news. For some reason, I still prefer printed news. Maybe I just enjoy the feel of paper in my hands. In fact I enjoy the feel of lots of stuff in my hands. But that's just me.

I like broadsheet newspapers. Because they're useful. Whenever I do any painting around the house, I would spread a big newspaper sheet(also called "syit" in bahasa, for those who really know and have studied the language) under the wall to be painted so as to catch any dripping paint. Broadsheet papers are also useful for wrapping shit(which is NOT called "syit" in bahasa, for those who really know and have studied the language). This is important if you have pets, and need to wrap their shit for disposal every now and then.

Thus, I used to buy a particular broadsheet paper every week. Not for reading, but for catching dripping paint and for wrapping shit. However, I would read the articles on occasion. Especially if I have constipation and can't shit properly. I would read its worthless articles and suddenly I'll develop diarrhoea. That's right, my condition would jump from 'no shit' to 'fullashit' emergency status. Maybe I ought to tell the medical profession about this discovery.

Such was the usefulness of a broadsheet paper that I cannot imagine that anybody would want to change it to tabloid size. What, have we been dripping less paint? Or have we been rearing smaller pets....that have smaller shit? Do I have any good reason to want to buy a Numb Shit Tabloid? Well...maybe if I have constipation again.

Okay....a short question and answer session:

How do you know that you're not in heaven?
You go into the toilet to crap, and then find that there is no toilet paper.

How do you know that maybe you are in heaven?
Somebody left a copy of the Numb Shit Tabloid in the toilet and, of course, you know that it's good only for one thing......

So are you in heaven or not?
Of course not lah! Heaven where got such things like Numb Shit Tabloid one?

There have been worries that since urban-based Chinese viewers send in most of the votes to Malaysian Idol, there will be race-based voting. Even ten days ago, before the results for the final three were announced, MI judge Roslan openly said, "I fear for Jac and Dina." Jac and Dina may not be Chinese, but that does not mean that Chinese voters will withhold votes from them if they perform well. Did Roslan really think that we, the voters, are that narrow minded? We are not!

Looking at the results from last week's voting, I think he need not have worried: there are no Chinese in the final two. So the charges of race-based voting are totally baseless. And that speaks volumes about our voting maturity.

My attitude is this: You want my vote, then you perform. I don't give a shit about your skin colour or if you speak my dialect. Or even if you wear the same brand of underwear as I do. You are going to represent my country, and I want ONLY the best. So get on with it.

The voting trend has not always pleased me however. I think that certain people tend to vote according to where the contestants come from. It helps if you come from a major city rather than from a small town.

If you remember, Nikki seemed to be forever in the bottom three before she was voted out. That's because she came from Sabah, which has a small population, with not many phones. So her home support base was actually quite small.

Saiful was luckier. Despite some bad performances, he stayed longer than Nikki because Sarawak has a bigger population and therefore more votes to deliver to their 'home boy'.

Among the three Chinese contestants, Victor has a way better voice than Andrew or Vick. Unfortunately, he comes from Penang. And Penang people tend to be more prudent with their expenditure. Note to my Penang readers: when I said "prudent", I don't mean "kiamsiap", so please don't flame me! (Actually, among the males, I considered only Victor and Jamil as having exceptional voice tones. All the other male singers sound ordinary, like me.)

Vick is lucky that he hails from Ipoh, where people splash out money easily. In fact, I think the big spenders in the country either come from Ipoh or KL. Which explains why Vick is the only contestant that has never been in the bottom group before being voted off.

Jac has a disadvantage in coming from a small town like Klang. Despite consistently good performances, she has found herself in the bottom group on two occasions.
*Note: It turned out that Jac came from Kepong*

Dina is lucky to enjoy a good support base in JB, which has a big phone population. This is no disadvantage of course.

People should not underestimate the advantages of home support. During the American Idol season, Jasmine Trias received a lot of votes from her home state of Hawaii that enabled her to reach the final three. Of course, she had to be a good singer as well. And poor Jennifer Hudson was voted off the show prematurely because a power failure near Chicago prevented her home supporters from sending in their votes.

I am not quite comfortable with people voting along geographical lines. But people will be people, I guess. I hope this Friday's Malaysian Idol Grand Finals is exciting. Should be worth watching.

Banks have started imposing certain transaction charges since October 1st(last Friday). The charges vary from bank to bank. Some of the ways that they make money can be quite bizarre. For example, one bank has imposed a charge if you want to bank in more than 1000 pieces of cash.
Say you want to bank in 10,010 ringgit, all in ten ringgit notes. The number of cash notes will be 1001 pieces. Then this bank charge a 10 ringgit commission.

I reckon it should take about twenty minutes to clear a customer with 1001 items of cash, using a combination of both manual and machine counting. Maybe it's because it takes a long time to count out the notes, that the banks are now charging for the service. This does not affect the ordinary folks of course. The people who deal in large amounts of cash are the money changers and maybe certain traders. I am sure even the ordinary hawkers do not bank in so many pieces of cash.

Still I find some of the other transaction charges rather annoying. The only good thing so far this year is that certain banks have stopped charging annual fees for credit cards. I'm migrating my business to the banks that can offer me the most competitive service.

The conversation for my weekend was dominated by the recent price hikes.

"Damn! Cigarette prices went up, so now we can't smoke!"

"Yeah, and liquor prices went up also, so now we can't drink!"

"Also, petrol prices went up, so now we can't drive....."

"What's more, chicken prices went up, so now we can't eat."

"What's the point of living if we can't do anything?"

"Bloody shit. May as well just kill us all."

"Yeah, it's not like we need to live this shitty life anyway."

"That's right. We got better things to do than live."

Fucking pessimists. Can't stand 'em. Ain't done nothing but bitchin' and bitchin' all morning. Hello?

Suddenly, the conversation took a new turn.

"Does anybody know if the price of condoms went up as well?"

"No..... hasn't gone up."

"You mean we still can ....?"

"Yeah, we still can ....!"

"Hey, everybody, we still can........"

"Oh yeah!!!"

"Right on, baby!!!"

"Let's not die yet!"

"Good idea!"

Such fucking optimists.

So now we know a little bit more on the story regarding the cracks in the MRR2 Kepong bridge. About how the repair bills are still going to cost RM200 million. Blogger Papi posted some background facts to it here. You can also read some further details from that one-star two-bit publication here.

I think one very old politician owes the public a decent explanation. About how he engages consultants from all over the world and can still come up with defective bridges using our money.

I'm not trying to belittle some politicians here. They have their uses. For some reason, I actually like Highway Hair.
He has this permanent look of disdain on his face.
And he has the ability to look stupid without having to say a single word to remove all doubt.
That doesn't stop him from opening his mouth, however.
I think he must be on a mission from God........to keep us thoroughly amused. Because the consistent level of amusement value he has been producing is unparalleled.
I enjoy being amused. But I just don't like the idea of being amused through the wastage of public funds.

Maybe it is time we reconsider our national policy of employing comedians to do really serious work.

Unfortunately, some veteran politicians still carry on like they are indispensible. Their egos will not allow them to believe otherwise. They have egos so big they need a separate planet to house their egos.

Speaking of egos, I am reminded of a story of an ant with a large ego. This story has a sort of adult theme, so kids under the age of 18 are advised to get parental permission before reading on.(This means you, lah!)


Okay, on with the story:

There was this tiny ant up on a coconut tree.

It so happened that an elephant was feeding under the same coconut tree when a gust of wind caused the ant to lose its footing, and so it landed right onto the fat ass of the elephant. Not being one to miss out on a good opportunity to screw somebody's ass,. the ant positioned itself at the elephant's posterior and started to hump noisily.

"Ngeeee.... Ngorhhhh.... Ngeeee.... Ngorhhhh.... Ngeeee.... Ngorhhhh....."

Of course, the elephant, being such a huge animal, did not feel the slightest prick from the tiny prick(hey.... great pun!) and carried on feeding.

And then, a heavy coconut fell from the tree and landed squarely on the elephant's head.

"Thunk!"

Followed by a few more coconuts.....

"Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! Thunk! "

The big elephant shrugged its huge head in pain, and bellowed out a loud trumpeting sound.

"Miaowwwwwwwww!" (or whatever)

The ant, on hearing the trumpet, paused midway in its "Ngeeee.... Ngorhhhh..... Ngeeee.... Ngorhhhh...."

Noticing that the elephant was shaking in pain, the little ant shouted,
" Oi!!! Painful ah? My big fat schlong too big for you, issit?"

**

Well, whaddya know......a small fry having such a big ego.

Wait. There's a moral to this story:
"The smallest fry has the largest ego."

Serves it right if the elephant farts. Here it comes.

PHHHHHHRRUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPFFFF !!!!!!!!!!

Pheeewwww!!!!! Poor ant.