Stepping aside for Reality

Judging from the reaction from you social misfits, my fiction is much more popular than my social commentary. Don't you think that's odd, given the fact that I keep reminding the whole world that I am a serious social commentary blogger? Every time I put out a story, my readership shoots up. And that's despite the fact that the stories are all bullshit and have nothing to do with real life. Nabeh.....don't people take real life seriously anymore? I could go on.....blah blah blah.....but I don't think it will have any effect on you recalcitrants. I like to use that word "recalcitrant". Makes me feel like an ex-PM or something. Heheheh!

For about one year now, I have been getting visitors coming here from the search word "viewtru". All from different ISP's and routed through Google, Yahoo and some from search enginges that I have previously never even heard off. Averagely about five a day.You do the maths, but I'm pretty sure it adds up to a lot of people in one year interested in the word "viewtru".

So I'm wondering, why are all these people searching for me? Are they from the FBI? No, I don't mean the Female Body Inspectors.....the other FBI.....the ones who conduct body searches with itchy hands and make you all horny for the wrong reasons. If you suspect that the FBI is going to search you, better put on three pairs of underwear.

But let's get back to the business at hand.. If you are one of those visitors who are here through a search on "viewtru", can you do me a favour and tell me why you have a sudden interest in me? Thanks!

The weekend is coming up, and I've got to go shopping. My diet and exercise regime is working and my waist has shrunk. New pants may be in order. I tend to lose weight pretty fast because of a high metabolism rate. There was one time when I went travelling and at the end of the holidays, I had to hold my jeans up with one hand to prevent it dropping onto the ground. My sister had a shock when she saw me. Mom freaked out. But then again, mom will freak out whenever she sees me. It's a DNA thing, I suspect.

While on the topic of weekend shopping, here's some related sayings on success:

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A successful business is one that can suck up to such women."

My next wuxia story will be somewhat like a kungfu detective story. Those who have read my “3-in-1 Kungfu Girl” story may remember the imperial guard, Arrow Eye, who was thrown into jail by the Emperor because of a failure to protect a priceless imperial consignment. Yeah, this new story is all about him. While in prison, his ancestral home and family were destroyed in a big fire. A few years later, he was finally released from prison, weak and malnourished, and trying to pick up the pieces of his life. And then one evening, he realized that the fire that destroyed his family could not have been an accident. Someone meant to wipe out his entire family. But who?

The storyline is still hazy. Only half the plot is shaping up in my head. It’s coming slowly in bits and pieces, and I still do not know what the ending is like. Fortunately for me, I'm not in a Nanowrimo speed-writing mode anymore. In case you are asking, I am unable to tell yet where the goat will figure in all this. But there is usually some inevitable mention of a goat. Call it tradition.

This post is meant only for those with some understanding of the universe. Lesser beings may want to skip this one.

I was lucky in life in the fact that I was born pure without a religion. Most people are not so fortunate. Like any other enlightened being, I know that religion usually results in spiritual corruption. Most of the time.

From the irreverent manner by which I express myself here, you may be led to assume that I lack spiritual understanding. Now this is a bad assumption, and you know what they say about assumptions making an ass out of you and you.

Occasionally, when it suits me, I do have a religion, and it is a superior one. My religion is the Law of Gravity. This may not be a mainstream religion, but it is a religion nevertheless.

People ask me, "What are you?"
Haven't you been listening? I'm a Gravitian.

People ask me, "Who's your guru?"
Easy. Newton of course.

"But wasn't he some sort of mathematician?"
What, a mathematician is not allowed to be a guru?

As with most religions, I have to deal with issues of blasphemy and apostasy. But unlike many other religions, we deal with them through tolerance and understanding.

Let's say that there is an idiot who does not believe that my God, Gravity, exists and he is willing to jump over a cliff to prove it. It's blasphemy of course to say things like "Gravity does not exist", but I am tolerant. If he wants to jump over a cliff, I may not like it one bit, but I will tolerate it. If my religion is based on truth, what other people do will not alter it one iota. No moral police, no blasphemy laws, just plain old tolerance. If he wants to jump, let him jump. Everyone has a God-given right to deny God.

Say that one of my fellow worshippers one day decides that the Law of Gravity is not the truth anymore and he is willing to jump over a cliff to demonstrate his point. That's apostasy of course, to move away from the one true superior religion. But again, I am tolerant. No imprisonment or execution or apostasy laws. If he really wants to jump, then jump. Just don't ask me to clean up the mess at the bottom of the cliff later. If my religion is the true religion, I have no need to defend it. Logic tells us that if a thing needs defending, it must be terribly weak. Like I said, everyone has a God-given right to deny God.

The vast majority of people on this planet are servants to their Gods. Good for them. But for a tiny minority of evolved beings, the Gods look to us. Because, we are the seeds of a new humanity. We are the Gravitians. Maybe not everybody will become a Gravitian. That's okay with me. I do not have a need to convert you. But religions that are based on hatred and threats in the name of some God will either have to evolve positively or disappear from the face of the earth because true humanity will arrive. The march of true humanity cannot be stopped and all Gods, including yours, have a moral responsibility to ruthlessly exterminate their own worshippers when necessary to ensure that the human race can advance. Heed my warning, coz Love will reign supreme.

Do we Gravitians have a holy book? Sure we do!

But in our holy book, we only have one sentence:

F=GMm/R²

All physics students will recognize this as the Law of Gravity. And all physics students know that G has an absolute constant value that does not change in time and space! Sure, some people may say that this will not hold true in a black hole. But until you can survive a black hole and come back to talk to me about it, G is still absolute as far as I am concerned!

You will be correct in thinking that my religion is the only religion in the world that is based on a PROVEN absolute. Other religions also talk about the Absolute, but its all talk......a whole load of blind faith still waiting for the proof. Well they can wait and wait, but my religion already has scientific proof! Gee....that makes me the most spiritual person I know. Knowledge like that makes it so hard for me to be humble.

We Gravitians have a popular saying:
"What goes up, must come down."

Unless it's just after sex, and we are wondering what next to do.

Then we look down and say:
"What comes down, must go up."

Better believe we are the seeds of a new humanity.

Having more money than sense I can spend, I bought an electric appliance that came in a box.

My curious cat got into the empty box, pondered its own meaningless existence inside, and then got out and stared thoughtfully at the cardboard thingy.

It took me a while to figure out that it must be trying to "think outside the box".

Last month, I made a prediction for the 12 finalist places in American Idol:

Kellie Pickler
Ayla Brown
Mandisa Hundley
Paris Bennett
Lisa Tucker
Katharine McPhee
Chris Daughtry
Elliott Yamin
Ace Young
Taylor Hicks
Will Makar
Kevin Covais

It turned out that I was correct in 10 of them. Will Makar and Ayla Brown did not make the cut but instead, it was Bucky Covington and Melissa McGhee who got through to the Finals.

Maybe I ought to be a psychic. There's good money in it and all you have to do is babble some nonsense and then people will nod respectfully, "Yessir, yessir, three bags full sir!"

So, what the heck, I'm throwing all caution to the winds and am making my new prediction that the next American Idol will be Chris Daughtry.

This is getting boring. Let's show a pic of Paula around here.

Remember the OKT picture that I posted the other day on March 9th?

Nemind, I'll repost it here:



I am not the only one who finds the situation funny.

Here's a link to the same pic with another humour caption from Patrick Teoh's blog. That caption was chosen as the funniest caption submitted from 280 entries.

Of course their brand of humour is er.....somewhat different from mine. After all, it is no deep secret that I have a dirty mind.

Tomorrow is Friday. It will be a good day. Why?
Because I choose to make it a good day.

Stinky Water in Selangor.

Avian Flu in Perak.

This is so gonna be my next awesome invention.

So after the SPM and STPM results showed an increase in students having straight A's, many people have been questioning why it was so easy to get an 'A'.

What, were you actually expecting a decrease? On this planet? Oh, puhleeze.

Look, it's the basic rule of thumb that the harder life gets, the easier the STPM/SPM exams become. One balances the other, get it? The pass rate has shot up to 91%, whatever that means. (I read that statistic in the mainstream media, so it obviously means a sack of potatoes.) Give it a few more years and the pass rate should hit 100%. But if it ever goes above that, I don't think I will want to continue living.

Times have changed and getting an 'A' is not what it used to be.

Frankly, if I was a girl, and if I wanted to get an 'A' in any subject, I'll rely on simpler techniques.



Now, that is someone who can get results with the least amount of wasted time and effort, and is the sort of model employee that you should hire.

Have you heard this one?

Enzo Ferrari, who prided himself on his designing ability for cars, died and went to heaven. There, he met God and had a technical discussion with Him.

"You know, God," said Enzo Ferrari, "I think you made some serious design flaws when you created women!"

"How so?" inquired God. "What is wrong with women?"

"Well," replied Enzo Ferrari. "Women have so many design faults that I don't even know where to begin. I'll just mention three basic things wrong with 'em. When you take women shopping, their brakes don't work. Neither does the steering; you try to steer them one way and they go the other way. And you can spend all night adjusting their headlights but the result is still the same in the morning. You kow, God, the design flaws are so darn serious that I don't think that they can be fixed short of a major design overhaul."

"Hmmmphh!" remarked God. "You think you can design anything better?"

"Sure!" Enzo Ferrari replied brightly. "In my car design, the cars go wherever you steer them, stop whenever you want them to stop and their headlights are easily adjusted with a simple turn of a screw! My design is perfect!"

God looked thoughtful, and then He said, "Well, there must be something very wrong with your design, coz lots more men are riding my design than yours!"

Fitness buffs have indicated that a guy's BMI, or Body Mass Index, should be within the range 20-25 to be considered healthy. Frankly, I do not know if that is good medical advice or just some stoopid fashion.

My BMI is 24.8 and that is worrying me. It's too darn close to the 25 limit for comfort. I mean, if I don't watch my ass, I can easily shoot into the over 25 zone annd then, horrors, I will be so out of fashion.

These are drastic times. And drastic times call for drastic action.

I'm so gonna lose that extra weight until I get it close to 22.5, the mid-point of the fashionable BMI range. I'm shooting for a target weight loss of 2kg a month. That's a comfortable target that is easily achievable, given my high metabolism rate.

Here's the diet plan:

No roti canai for breakfast. I'll eat wholemeal bread instead.
No meat for lunch. Only a half portion of rice with vegetables.
No cakes for tea. Just a cup of green tea.
No icecream after dinner. "Desserts" is "stressed" spelt backwards. I'll just think of Wolverine humping Wonder Woman instead to unstress me.

That takes care of the diet portion.

Now for the exercise part.

Nude squats in the shower. Nude pumping in the bedroom.

I don't know what's the total logic behind it, but I've heard that getting buck naked helps you lose weight. Each time you walk past the mirror, you get so inspired.

I am naked even as I type this.

I've had it to here with pathetic wusses who keep complaining about the petrol price hike and then utterly refuse to do anything positive about it. Look, would it kill ya to be a little bit proactive instead of waiting for the world to reduce your monthly petrol bill for you?

Take positive action, like walk, carpool or by not making unecessary car trips with better planning.

But if you absolutely have to drive, there are ONLY THREE main things you need do to cut down on your fuel. Actually, there are more, but these three are good enough.

1. Driving at 90 kph instead of 110 kph reduces your fuel consumption by around 10-20%.

2. Check your tyre pressure constantly(maybe every two weeks) to avoid underinflation. That can save you another 5%.

3. Do without air-conditioning and open the dashboard air vents instead. Saves you 3%.

I've been doing all three for the past week, and after tracking my car's consumption and doing some calculation, I do believe my monthly bill will be the SAME AS BEFORE the price hike! Yes! All it takes is just a little bit of effort.

No dumbass protesting.

No stupid yelling of "susu naik".

Just plain old-fashioned effort.


I've been giving some thought to Dr M's proposal. He said that "the recent fuel price hike could have been avoided if the government had opted to strengthen the undervalued ringgit."

It's basically a choice of letting petrol price go up or letting the ringgit go up.

Look, my dear Doctor, if we let the ringgit go up, our manufacturers will find it more difficult to export their products as foreign markets will find our goods too expensive. Also, tourism will suffer as there is less attraction in visiting our country with a high ringgit. When the economy suffers, and there is less money to go around, the year-end bonus gets cut. AND IN RINGGIT TERMS, IT IS ALWAYS THE POORER WORKERS WHO TAKE THE BIGGEST CUT!

On the other hand, rich people will find it cheap to go overseas for a holiday because of a higher ringgit. It does not take much brains to figure out that a high ringgit will penalize the poor more than the rich. And there is nothing that the common man can do about it.

I say that we should leave the ringgit alone and reduce the subsidy.

Sure, the people may complain, but those who complain are the people who are rich enough to drive cars. The ones who walk or take buses to work are less likely to kick up a fuss. This penalizes the rich more than the poor. Even so, the drivers CAN do something about their pain. They can walk, carpool, change their driving habits and do whatever they should be doing in the first place, instead of screaming like the pathetic wusses angling for a handout.

Either deal with it or get over it!

And stop those ridiculous protests.

I can agree to the protesting against corruption, civil inefficiency and misuse of public funds. But I just cannot agree to the protesting against the reduction of subsidies.

This Friday, there will probably be a group of people carrying placards on "susu naik" protesting near the KLCC.

Bunch of mindless imbeciles motivated by total idiocy hoping for a free bath.

If brains were cotton wool, they wouldn't have enough among them to make a butt plug for a pigeon.

So now we’re down to the final four Malaysian astronaut candidates(including a woman) from a starting field of 11000 applicants. It’s good to know that we have funds to blast somebody out into space. And no, fellas, it’s not a one-way trip. I’m pretty confident that after we remove the next chunk of subsidies, we'll have the funds to bring our bolehnaut back from space as well. Don't ask me why we can't leave him or her out there. We just can't!

I'm not in favour of this sort of bolehnaut programme because it does nothing for the common man on the street. It is not even remotely a national achievement, but more a frivolous curiosity. Ho hum.

Sure, the DPM did come out on TV last night to say that our bolehnaut space tourist project did not cost us a single sen. But seriously, nobody in his right mind is gonna believe that the Russians really do believe in charity, and that they are generous beyond belief to send one of our people up a space junket for free. The cost has already been built in somewhere.

How much did it cost the Russians? That will depend on the weight of the astronaut. I read somewhere on the internet that it costs them something like USD600 per pound of cosmonaut to send one out into space. Don’t quote me on that one, coz that might not mean anything to anyone who does not know a thing or two about Russian bookkeeping.

The cost for NASA was reputedly something like USD3000 per pound of astronaut. Again, I don’t know much about US governmental bookkeeping either.

Forget the costs. Just how much is the flight commercially worth?

Well, in 2001, Dennis Tito, a 60-year-old Californian, paid Russia some $20 million for his trip to space on board a Soyuz. He spent some days on the orbiting International Space Station, so that trip could be considered a premier tourist package. It’s an expensive holiday, but if I were a rich 60 year old man with no avenue to spend my money, I would have considered doing the same thing.

Today, you can be a space tourist for as low as USD100,000. That includes an experience in weightlessness but does not include getting into the International Space Station.

Obviously this is a low-end budget-class day-trip excursion package. I believe this price will drop drastically as more competitors enter the space tourism market.

Although the Russians may try to give the impression that our bolehnaut is gonna do some serious ass-kicking work out there on the space station, we all know that this is really some state-sponsored exotic tourism package. Meaning that the bolehnaut will be a non-contributing passenger and be told in no uncertain terms to “.....don’t EVER pull this lever or touch that button.....” etc.

Sure, the eighteen-month training period may be long. But they will need 17 months to learn the Russian language and another 1 month to learn how to use a space toilet. It’s way more complicated than ya think. At zero gravity, you don’t want to end up shitting messily up into space and then flushing yourself down the toilet hole. Sixty-year old Dennis Tito had only six months of training, but that’s because he was able to hold his shit.

There is a popular poem on the internet:

"We are each angels with only one wing.
To fly, we need only embrace each other."
(~ Author Unknown ~)

It's a beautiful poem. One human alone cannot fly with one wing. But two humans embracing each other will form a single flying entity with two wings and can thus lift off into flight!

Awesome, simply awesome!

Reality check.

Actually, human beings are much more complicated than angels. Not to mention more tiresome.


G is for Goal
First of all, to form a serious single flying entity, we need a common goal. There is no sense in embracing each other at cross purposes such that one wing tries to fly east while the other flies west.

Ever seen a bird fly in two directions at the same time?
Nope, it can't be done.


R is for Rapport
Okay, so we've got a common goal and we know where we want to go. La-di-da. But human beings still have to get along with each other. If for some stupid reason, halfway during the flight, both humans decide to split apart because they can't get along, then shit happens. Very deep shit.

Ever seen a bird split apart in mid-air and still fly?
Like I said, it can't be done.


A is for Alignment
Don't ask me why wings need alignment. I know that they do. The same way as wheels need alignment. My mechanic tells me that if the wings are not properly aligned, you can flap and flap, but you will end up flying forever in a circle.

Ever seen a bird fly forever in a circle and get anywhere?
No, the bird will get dizzy and fall straight out of the sky.
With a huge "Splat!"


B is for Balls
You need balls to fly. Yes you do! While you are busily flapping your one wing in the air, you don't want to get a sudden fear of heights. This is no time to yell, "Oh shit! I'm up in the air with nothing supporting me!"
Show some balls and keep on flapping.

Ever seen a bird freeze up in midair and still fly?
Allow me to put it differently.
Which part of "Splat!" don't you understand?


Okay, back to the poem which is sorely in need of an improved version.

Easy.

We just need to tack on the initials G, R, A and B.

"We are each angels with only one wing.
To fly, we need only embrace each other and GRAB."

I'm about done.

Except for that one lousy insignificant detail on night flying.

Humans being humans will make a big brouhaha over that little detail. I mean if they can play golf at night, why can't they fly at night? They're angels, aren't they?

Look, most birds can't fly at night. But most bats can.

All right. If you really have a freaking need to fly in the dark, do you know what you're gonna need?

A Sonar System!

So tack on those extra initials already!

"We are each angels with only one wing.
To fly, we need only embrace each other and GRAB ASS in the dark."

There.....I'm done.

For today, I will once again attempt another posting to satisfy my pretensions of intellectuality.

The truth of the matter is that we should have mentally braced ourselves to go through a period of expensive fuel long ago. People have been doing it in countries like Myanmar. They pay heavily for petrol, but they survive.

By the next generation, many countries around the world will be looking like Myanmar, where every truck that passes along the road is crammed with 50 people or more. Other countries that fail to plan, may resemble a war zone, fragmented and ruled by fuel warlords. Much like Somalia. Hopefully it will not reach that stage.

The fuel industry is not like the computer industry. We are dealing with energy, a stuff that cannot be created or destroyed; the true Eternals. They do not follow the same rules as in the manufacturing of other products. The net energy balance has to be considered.

There are no more cheap solutions. And the more expensive the solution, the less chance the common man will get to use it.

Let’s see our options twenty five years from today.

Biodiesel
One of the better solutions I’ve seen so far is the conversion of palm oil into biodiesel. Malaysia is among the largest producers of palm oil in the world. Also, palm oil has a high yield (about 3.9 tonnes per hectare) compared to competing oils like soyabean (2.2 tonnes per hectare). If we can’t make this work, no one can. There have been reports that some new palm oil clones may potentially produce more than 9 tonnes per hectare, but until they are actually producing, we will have to ignore them for the time being.

Let’s say the average car conservatively uses only 1500 litres a year. One hectare of land can produce about 4500 litres of biodiesel per year optimistically. That is enough to power three cars. We have 3.8 million hectares under oil palm cultivation. Assuming that we allocate half of that for cooking oil and soap, and the other half to produce biodiesel, that will mean that we have sufficient fuel for 5.7 million vehicles. We have a car population in this country of about 4 million so that just might be enough. It will be expensive, but at least it will be available. In theory.

In practice, most of the world will not be able to produce biodiesel on their own, so much of our biodiesel will be exported to earn foreign currency. Biodiesel will not only be expensive locally, but there just might be a rationing system imposed. Sorry, but some of us will have to ride bicycles to work. However, what I think will happen is that the population will switch to diesel motorcycles or smaller diesel cars of similar structure to the Perodua Kelisa. The technology to run a 100% biodiesel vehicle reliably without breaking down frequently is not perfected yet. That part needs a lot of work.

I suspect that studies that show that palm oil has a positive energy balance(meaning more energy output than the energy input to produce it) may not be truly accurate. But the gap between output and input is so wide that even allowing for inaccuracies, palm oil biodiesel should still come out ahead. This is important, because many other crops do not enjoy this feature.

Ethanol
It has been calculated somewhere that the total energy input to produce a litre of ethanol from corn is 6597 kcal. Yet that litre of ethanol has only 5130 kcal. This is a negative energy return. Sugar cane fared better than corn, but the result was also negative.

The fact that there is a negative energy balance does not mean that ethanol will not have a future. Countries that can get plenty of electricity from wind energy may still use this as a means of converting electricity to portable fuel for vehicles, albeit at a cost.

This solution is unlikely for Malaysia because we have a better option with biodiesel.

Hydrogen fuel cells
To use hydrogen fuel cells in cars, we will need a cheap source of electricity to produce the hydrogen. As most of our power stations burn natural gas, a fossil fuel, I don’t see much potential in this. We have large deposits of natural gas which should keep our power stations busy for a long time, but even so, it makes sense to conserve this resource.

However, if there is plenty of unused electricity in Sarawak from the Bakun dam, then perhaps hydrogen cars may have a niche there. But seriously, I don’t know enough of what’s happening at the Bakun project to be able to make a comment. It’s like when you think you know what’s going on, you don’t.

I have a strong feeling that hydrogen cars will be a non-starter in this country. The same goes for electric vehicles.

LNG cars
Some of the taxis in the Klang valley are using this Liquefied Natural Gas system. Yes, it is fossil fuel, I know. But this could be a short term solution for the next generation By then we will have no more oil left, but we should still have natural gas. That could help to buy us some time while we continue working on our mass transportation system.

Okay, enough of that pseudo-intellectual shit. Let’s move on to something more recent.



“We do not inherit the earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children.”

Does this time-worn phrase mean anything to us? Well, it should.

At a time like this, I am very uncomfortable with the fact that we are still an oil exporter. We should leave some oil in the ground for the future generations. Our generation has already pumped HALF of it away and that should be enough! Wisely or unwisely, we have used more than our fair share.

We may rant and railed at the government for frittering away our oil wealth in mega projects, but we should not take that as an excuse to pass down problems to our children. It is going to be their world. Every barrel of oil we pump out from the ground is one less for them. High petrol prices curtail usage. Past governmental excesses are TOTALLY SEPARATE ISSUES and trying to get a petrol price reduction will work against the interests of the next generation. In fact, if the voting public does not feel any pain in living, there will be even greater governmental wastage. Officials know that the best time to pull a fast one is when nobody is feeling any pain.

I do not deny that people have a right to protest, but I wish that they will think the issue out clearly before they do.



Short term thinking will lead us down the path of doom.

The most responsible thing the government can do right now is to half our current oil production and then allow the petrol prices to float up to the level as determined by the market of supply and demand. All of us will have to adjust the way we live, and we will learn to make the necessary arrangements.

When the energy crunch comes, and most of you will live long enough to see it, many farmlands will be diverted to produce fuel crops, leaving less land for food production. There WILL NOT be enough food for the current 6 billion people. Some countries will experience pockets of starvation. Yup, expensive petrol, no food and little hope. We can still avert disaster with some nifty planning and holding on to our remnant oil stocks. But we really, really need to act now.

If our generation is not willing to pay the price for our children, who will?

We have had street protests(near KLCC) for two Fridays already over the hike in petrol prices. The news reports said that the cops turned the water cannons on the marchers. Well, even if the protestors did not get an oil price reduction, at least they managed to get a free bath. I do not condone the protests as these people are ignorant and probably a bit dumb as well. At the same time, I will not totally write off the effects of the protests either as they may have the unintended positive result in forcing more governmental attention on public transportation.

Look, let’s get real. We are running out of cheap oil, and the sooner everybody get it, the better.

I have seen the future, and it says “public transportation”.

Loud and clear.

I feel hopeful when I hear Najib say that we are going to enhance public transportation under a Cabinet committee. We should have done this a looooooonnnnng time ago, but still, if we act in time, we may be able to stave off disaster.

By the next generation, if we don’t get our act together, our transport system will look like this:



The above pic is an everyday pic from Myanmar and shows what it is like to live in a society with low incomes and expensive fuel. Our children will face the same situation.

Just for those who still don’t get it, I have set up an FAQ to answer any questions anybody may still have.

“But people say that the world has lots of oil! Isn’t that true?”

True. We appear to have lots. Unfortunately, most of it is in shale, and shale oil is practically unrecoverable, feasibly speaking. The oil that is recoverable, meaning oil that can be pumped out with little effort from the ground, is fast depleting. By the next generation, your children will live a life very much different from you.

“But can’t we drill more oil wells?”

We did. And we found little pockets of oil here and there. For the past 25 years, we drilled like bunnies in heat hoping to find a few good oil deposits around the world. But guess what; there was none to be found. We did find some tiny crumbs, but no cake. Don’t get me wrong. We could very well discover a humongous oil deposit tomorrow. Or next year. Or maybe next century. Or never. We don’t know. But until we find a huge deposit somewhere on this planet, we have to make rational decisions based on the current situation, that is, oil is running scarce.

“Why can’t we recover oil from shale, since we have so much of it?”

Thermodynamics. Fuel produce heat from which only a part of it can be converted to useful work to operate the equipment to extract oil. Shale oil is buried inside rock, and trying to separate the oil from the rock takes a lot of processes and a lot of energy. It’s like trying to use two joules of energy to extract one joule’s equivalent of oil. Let me put it another way. It’s a bit like multiple sex-partners fucking for virginity. The more you indulge in it, the less of it you’re gonna possess.

“Doesn’t Shell have a new process for recovering shale oil?”

Yes they do. But it does not look promising. Their proposed in situ process has to heat the shale on one side and refrigerate the ground on the other side. Then they wait for the oil to filter out to designated locations. Even before pumping a single drop of oil, they would have already expended a whole lot of energy. Shell has not made a decision yet but instead chose to decide only in the year 2010 whether to go ahead. It’s a sure sign that even they do not have a whole lot of confidence.
Worst case scenario: They will use two joules to extract one joule.
Best case scenario: They will use 2 joules to extract 2.1 joules. That net gain of 0.1 joule will be highly expensive. Even if successful, shale oil is going to be so costly that it can only be targeted towards the rich elite. The ordinary man in the street will just have to sit glumly on his bicycle and watch.

“So now we can’t depend on diminishing oil and we can’t depend on shale oil, what can we depend on?”

Actually, we have a number of other solutions, ALL of which will require our children to take public transportation. There are NO MORE cheap solutions left. Even for biodiesel, one of the most promising of new technologies, it takes one hectare of palm oil land to support only three cars. (I will present the working in tomorrow’s posting.) Cars will not completely disappear from the roads. But like in Myanmar, they will not be for the middle class folks.

“What, my children in the next generation won’t drive cars?”

Well, if you work your ass off, you may perhaps become a multimillionaire and then your children will be able to drive cars.

“Aren’t there any experts who know something to save us?”

The experts don’t know shit. They are the ones who dreamt up new ways to burn fuel which got us all into this shitty situation in the first place.

“What can I do?”

You can listen to good sense. All is not lost. Life for your children won’t be as good as what you have now, but that does not mean that they can’t survive. Sure, it will take some adaptation, but humans have proven that they can adapt.

Seriously, I think the 8TV producers should just break up the Marion-Adam partnership on the 8TV Quickie. Let’s face it; those two don’t have a comfortable on-screen partnership anymore. Every time they are on the air, I feel an underlying tension between them. Its so excruciating to watch that I just had to change channels.

The other two, Phat Fabes and Rina may be irritating to listen to, but at least they are comfortable with each other and they don't broadcast tension vibes to your living room.

There was a time when the Adam-Marion partnership was entertainingly watchable. Then some time last year, Adam started trying to turn the show into a boring soliloquy and the show just went rapidly downhill after that. I don’t know what’s wrong with that nerdy guy. It’s like he’s trying to hog the attention and keep Marion from speaking. All this while, I’ve tried so hard to ignore the fact that he looks like a skanky chicken about to fall prey to the avian flu. But now his less-than-mature behaviour on screen has gotten so bad that each time I see him on TV, I think of going for flu shots.

8TV, will you please do something about this unhealthy situation? I don't much care what, slap them around, bash a few heads or whatever.....just do something!

You know who makes a great team? That will be Simon and Caroline on the “Light and Easy” radio channel. Awesome partnership!

Lucia blogged about Marina Mahathir's article which the Star allegedly refused to publish for the first time in 17 years. It was about the lot of muslim women in this country. My heart goes out to them.

Article quote:
"Today is International Women's Day. Unfortunately only about 40% of the women in this country can celebrate. The rest can only look at their Non-Muslim sisters in despair and envy."

This makes me sad. They should gain what is rightfully theirs. Keep battling on, Marina.

Update on 10 March 2006:
Sashi informed that the Star had decided to run the story in the 10th March issue. It looks like a truncated version though. I do not know what caused the change of heart in the Star. Probably they thought that if they did not run Marina’s article, many bloggers would be willing to publish it in their blogs. They are probably feeling a bit of heat from us. But that’s wishful thinking. The truth might be more complex than that.

I do not know how politicians think, but they have a way of making decisions that affect people's monthly expenditure.

It does not take the mind of a genius to conclude that I am extremely wary of politicians.

But c'mon , I don't think I am the only one.

To half my petrol usage, I did consider driving half the distance, and then carrying the car on my head for the second half of the distance. But since I don’t think I’m fit enough to try a stunt like that, I will just have to try something simpler.

I’m going to check my tyre pressure every two weeks from now on. All tyres lose pressure during traveling, and underinflated tyres are one of the main causes of loss of fuel economy. Also, since wind resistance varies with the square of the velocity of the car, I’m trying to limit my speed to 90 kph to save on power. That ought to work.

Last night on TV, I saw historic old Samy announced with a huge smirk on his face that "there will be no increase in highway toll rates this year." He went on to say that this was "good news". We know the reason for the smirk, and yeah, it has zilch to do with the toll. He just couldn't stop smirking when nobody challenged him in this year's party elections.

He's still the president. Smirk smirk smirk.

He thinks he'll get a new deputy. Smirk smirk smirk.

He's mouthing off on some sort of thing and calling it "good news". Smirk smirk smirk.

Now, hold it.....how does one define "good news"?

Toll not going up is not "good news". Holy baloney, that's NOT EVEN NEWS!

Toll coming down.....now that will be "GOOD NEWS"!

During the weekend, I went to Carrefour with Hot Babe to look for some blowup sex toys stuff. Being a Sunday, the car park was pretty busy and so we drove to the third level above the store. There were two car parking spaces specifically reserved for the physically disabled near the escalators. One kancil parked right there and a young driver got out nonchalantly like he owned the whole Klang Valley. There were a number of empty parking spaces further away and I see no logical reason why a fit and healthy driver could not park over there and walk the extra few steps to the escalators.

So perhaps the driver was lazy. But since when has “laziness” been categorized under “physical disability”?

Okay, the driver was clearly stupid. And stupidity is bad. Bad, bad, bad. But no matter how bad his stupidity was, it in no way is the same as “physical disability”.

Maybe the guy had a loosely attached dick. And if he had to walk too far, his worthless piece of dehydrated meat might just dry up and fall off. Okay, that might explain it. But seriously, if his pencil-dick was that worthless, he’s better off without it.

Inside the hypermarket, the effects of the avian flu scare seemed only too obvious. Roasted chickens were going for a CHEAP RM6.50 per bird but there was no queue. I bought one. Black pepper roasted. Frankly, avian flu or not, there are many more ways to die than from eating a roasted chicken from a hypermarket.

"....if got extra money, go and buy an oil palm plantation."

Those were the comments from blogger Ah Pek.

Frankly, I was surprised. I had always thought that ah pek was more into "humsap song song" and "pak pow" rather than into serious moneymaking!

Anyway, I did a quick analysis, and this is what I got:

The European Union has set a target of replacing 5.75% of its diesel use in the transport sector with renewable sources by 2010. If they follow it through, and I am sure that they are determined enough, then they will require yearly 9 million tons of biodiesel by 2010 instead of the 3 million tonnes currently in production. That implies a shortfall of 6 million tonnes.

Most biodiesel are made from rapeseed. Each time I see a rapeseed field in its full bloom, I ended up getting impressed with its asskicking yellow brilliance.


However, I think that rapeseed farmers have already reached close to maximum capacity in Europe and there is no way they can ramp up rapeseed production without seriously affecting their output of other crops. Therefore, most of the 6 million tonnes shortfall will have to come from alternative oils, chiefly palm oil(because of easier processing). Out of this, I figure that 3 million tonnes will be sourced from Malaysia.

Malaysian production of palm oil is about 15 million tonnes annually. If 3 million tonnes is diverted to the production of biodiesel, that will be a diversion of 20%. That should be enough to send up crude palm oil prices. Biodiesel prices will not be as cheap as current mineral diesel prices, but that can't be helped.

Norway, is the biggest oil producer in the EU, and it pumps out oil from its North Sea oilfields. It is currently the world's third largest oil exporter. Since 2000, its production has peaked and yearly exports has been steadily decreasing. With Europe forced to buy their oil from less friendly countries, there is great likelihood that the 5.75% biodiesel bar will be raised further, meaning more demand for palm oil.

On the local front, the fact that we are going to be a net oil importer in four years' time(as already announced) will also mean that biodiesel will make its way into our petrol kiosks in due time. The Singapore government will get into the act as well. I believe they will pay as much attention to biodiesel as they did to fuel cells, if not more.

So yes, palm oil's future looks bright. The next wave of technology will be in agriculture. If I were you, I'd quickly start making friends with Ah Pek. He may be the next tycoon!

On another topic, about how students of a secondary school in Singapore, who were recently found to be wearing coloured bras to school, were forced to go braless, I often wondered if I had been sent to the wrong school and missing out on a lot of important happenings. Shit, I must have been a deprived kid!

When the petrol price went up at the pump, I immediately did a quick mental calculation. Since I travel much more than the average person, I figured that my petrol bill this month will hover around RM450.

It’s painful. You have no idea.

Then I thought that maybe I ought try to change my driving habits to conserve fuel. Driving at 90 kph consumes less petrol than 110 kph along the highway, and so, that was what I did. I managed to keep that shit up for two days.

This morning, I was back to 110 kph again. Damn!

They say that a leopard does not change its spots.
They say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
They say that old habits die hard.
They should just shaddup.

I seem to be ALL ALONE out there in the blogosphere with a clear understanding of the government need for cutting back on the petrol subsidy. It’s not a popular stand, so that should tell you fuckers that I don’t blog for popularity. To me, a huge petrol subsidy is the same as driverputra-ism.

Still, I am glad that riots did not break out as they did in Indonesia each time there is a fuel price increase. Indonesia is a sad case. They used to be called an oil exporter. Not any more. Their oil production peaked in 2003. I think it was some time last year that they became a net oil importer. Imagine, an OPEC country becoming an oil importer, but it happened. Before anyone makes any comments about the corruption there, note that they will still become an oil importer even if the government was squeaky clean. Nobody, except Mother Nature, can create oil reserves in the ground.

Malaysia’s oil production peaked in 2001 and oil production has been somewhat flat since. We are still a net oil exporter, although I do not know how long we can keep that up. What with a rising car population and all. Whoever thought of the “70 million people” policy must be nuts and clearly needs help.

Lately, “biodiesel” has made the local news. This is diesel made from palm oil and will be sold in Europe. It certainly won’t be cheap but is currently viewed as a viable alternative to mineral oil. Once the Malaysian biodiesel plants go into operation, they will compete with cooking oil manufacturers for palm oil. The law of supply and demand rules the market, so expect the price of local cooking oil to go upwards as well. If I were you, I’ll be learning how to fry an egg with less oil.

Here’s some good news. The Swedes have started an ambitious program to be an oil-free country in fifteen years time. We should not underestimate the Swedes. Their population is only 9 million strong, and yet they can have a car industry(Volvo) as well as a aircraft industry(Saab). They are in a good position to beat the worldwide oil shortage when it comes.

Slowly but surely, attitudes are changing. Even in America, with its vaunted love affair with the automobile, people are starting to wake up. When people leave their cars at home and take public transportation despite a temporary drop in gas prices, you know that a change in attitude is sweeping the country.

So lighten up, ya pussies, and quit yer howling. If I can live with the pain, so can you. Tighten your belts and get a serious change of attitude towards mineral oil. It won’t stay cheaply available forever.

All the experts say that men should slow down and take their time during lovemaking.

Male tortoises do everything slow, and I mean really S.L.O.W.

If they could talk, what would they say?

"Humankind.
Cannot bear too much reality."
~ T.S.Eliot

I am not going to argue with the reality of increasing oil prices. I am just going to think of this as the good old days when petrol costs less than RM2 per litre. The reality is that the world is running out of extractable oil faster than we are prepared for. One by one, we will see major oil exporters exhausting their supply. The signs are already there.

Last July, I predicted that we will be paying RM2 per litre this year. I think we will overshoot this level by the end of the year. The rise can be slowed down, but it is unstoppable. As I see it, only two things can slow down oil consumption on this planet; wind power and gasohol. All the other solutions(solar, hydro and whatnots) have only marginal effects.

We are the lucky ones. The next generation of middle class folks may not be able to own cars. They will get up early, take public transport, and maybe change three buses to get to work. It is time that our generation start figuring out ways to make the life of the next generation workable. It takes time to put even the best laid plans into practice, so we might as well start now.

Like I said, these are the good old days. Nothing is more tragic than a generation that is fortunate, but knows it not.

I was checking out Minishorts’s blog and trying to figure certain things beyond my understanding.

I cover a more intellectual range of topics than she does.
I blog with a shitload more foreign words than she does.
I have more titillating pics than she does.

Than why is it that she has accumulated a larger fan base than me?

What does she have that I don’t?
(No, don’t answer that!)

On closer inspection(okay, snooping), I discovered that she has those nifty things called “monthly calendars” on her site. Wa lau eh, so that’s her trade secret!

Well, if that is what it takes, then that is what it takes

So now I’m gonna hafta kiasu kiasu provide a calendar for the month of March. And yeah, I’m providing this neat little service without any extra charge.

You may ask why people need a calendar on a blog. Well, human brains evolved from monkey brains and can only remember three things at a time, like what year, what month and what day it is. The only thing missing is the date. Now all they have to do is come here and look it up on my calendar.

“Hey, let’s go to Viewtru’s blog!”
“WTF for? To try to make sense out of his nooklyar phiziks explanations?”
“No silly…..we’re going there to check up the date!”

And voila! My fan base increases by two! Which is a hefty increase for an unknown underground blogger like me. Wicked! Absolutely wicked!

This scheme is so fuckingly simple that I wondered why I have not thought of it before.

Remind me not to have erections every hour. It’s probably drawing away too much oxygenated blood from my brain, and preventing me from thinking deeply for extended periods of time. That’s a sorry excuse, but you gotta admit that it sounds PLAUSIBLE.

Here’s the March 2006 calendar. And I selected at random from one of those models widely known on the web for being nice, sweet and demure.