Friday, March 30, 2007
AI Season 6
Among the guys, Blake has some star quality but his voice is just like any other boy band offering. But he does have some singing ability. Sanjaya has great star appeal but not the singing skills to match.
Yep…..this season’s AI is definitely driving me to sleep. And despite the cup of coffee under my belt, I almost fell asleep at the keyboard while typing this. It hasn’t driven me to drink yet, but let’s just wait and see.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
3 sentences on philosophy
I realize that I sometimes come across as a shallow but great-looking guy mouthing off endlessly and that all I can ever think about are issues concerning the passion-driven offloading of the liquid contents of my nuts on this little alien-operated space island.
It may surprise some to discover that I am in fact a closet deep thinker who subscribes to more than just the cynical philosophy of “I bullshit, therefore I am.”
Hey, what’s for lunch?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
90 times a day
Monday, March 26, 2007
Hear ye, the tax season approacheth.
b) Give it to the government to fight terror
c) Keep it in the bank so that banks have money to lend
d) Spend it on worthless sluts to keep the economy going
e) Donate it to Lim Goh Thong
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Occasionally, the French people make some really great contributions to the human race. Like inventing the french kiss, for one. The french cap for another.
Here's yet one more:
France opens secret UFO files covering 50 years
Ahhh.....tres bien! This news is hot! And about time too!
Even so, the French sometimes arrive at the wrong conclusions in the face of strong evidence.
"Cases such as the lady who reported seeing an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper" are clearly not worth investigating....."
Of course they are worth investigating, vous dickhead stupide. If it is not wrong for an UFO to look like a saucer, then it shouldn't be wrong for an UFO to look like a flying roll of toilet paper, comprenez?
And besides, the aliens might have wanted to make their space vehicles look like toilet paper to remind them just how full of shit humans are.
Of the 1,600 cases registered since 1954, nearly 25 percent are classified as "type D".
The others are classified as type A, B and C, of course.
But the really best ones are classified as type XO. I bet you didn't know that. Well, neither did I, so I'm really taking a wild guess here.
Now that the French have finally released their UFO data, you will never see things the same way again. And the next time you wipe your ass, better check that toilet paper thoroughly. I don't think that the aliens will take kindly to their space vehicle being flushed down the toilet bowl in stages.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Datuk or encik
Just call us Encik, says top cop
We call them “datuk” not because we want special attention. It is because we DON’T want special attention! Meaning that we want them to forget about us. Immediately. Especially if we have been pulled up while testing the capabilities of the car along the highway.
“Datuk…...bagi chan sikit, datuk.”
This is the way, mah.
You say “Encik…...bagi chan sikit, encik,” and see what that will get you?
Special attention, that is what you will get. Don’t listen to everything that the newpapers tell you. They anyhow print rubbish one.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Today I am going to blog about bird flu.
There was a young man who was broke but horny. So he visited the madame of a house of ill repute to find out if he could get some action on credit.
Hey, I did say that I was going to blog about bird flu.
Monday, March 19, 2007
The weather is getting me down.
Looking at my situation, I realize that my problem is not starvation but healthy dieting. True, there are people dying around the world, but maybe they are dying so that I can live.
Reality looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “Get off your depression high stool, you sorry ass, these are good times!”
Friday, March 16, 2007
I’m having an ooohgasm.
I resent that remark. I have never been, nor will I ever be, a jobless woman.
Now the controversy-tainted minister is backtracking by saying that his statement was specifically made in reference to an Indonesian journalist.
But an embarrassing backtrack is still an embarrassing backtrack. I was like “oooh…oooh….oooh….” in amusement. I can’t quite describe the feeling, but it’s something like the heady exhilaration you get from watching a crab attempting to walk straight.
Oh yes.....I’m having an ooohgasm.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
On reading this bit of news about some farmer in
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Somebody, please tell me that Paula Abdul is not Michael Jackson in drag.
The resemblance is so close that it's uncanny.
That would explain why Paula is always acting weird.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Diskette “whirrrr whirrrr” boot to DOS
How to transfer files?
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
The real woman
This heading, Search is on for ‘real woman’, makes me want to laugh.
That is right. The ‘real woman’ is a disappearing breed on the brink of extinction so much so that we now have to launch a national search.
You see a woman walking like a real woman and you may be deluded into thinking that you have found her….but heck no…that’s an aqua.
General rule: If she looks too good to be a woman, then she is not a real woman. Because a real woman will have imperfections.
My friend Harry once said that “real women have huge tits”.
He’s a bit of a moron. Everytime he is around, the girls in the office will rush to staple their cunts shut. Which only proves that he knows dick about woman. Frankly, I distrust anything in a double D cup. Women are not frontal camels. They don’t have to hold that much milk in them, not unless nature requires them to suckle babies in a desert for days.No, Harry. Real women have real tits.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I hope you are not one of those unfortunate people who had to run like dickens out into the streets clad only in your tiny underwear. It could be worse. You could be just wearing a condom.
Look, if you have to run out into the streets while doing something indiscreet, at least show some good sense. Like making sure that you are not still tightly stuck to the goat. But if you do, then I hope that I get to watch it on TV. Hey, let's have some decent entertainment around here.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
At Digital Mall in PJ, a Toshiba 1 gig pen drive is selling for only RM36 on the first floor. The 2 gig model is retailing at RM60. Now, that is what I call a real offer.
Among the hypermarts, I figure that Tesco and Carrefour have the lowest prices. Definitely cheaper than Giant, Jusco or Cold Storage. But the MILFs shopping in Cold Storage look better than elsewhere. Which is why I don’t shop in Cold Storage. All that blood rush down to my zip and I forget what it was that I was going to buy. And its murder on the pants as well, getting stretched in public.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Chap Goh Meh
Well, if the prices don’t kill you, the service will. Last night, at a restaurant, there were people waiting for seats everywhere and the waiters were overwhelmed. We had finished eating and were already getting ready to leave when the chicken came. Brilliant timing. Yup, we had ordered it, so we had to pay for it. No choice but to tapow it back.
As we were leaving after 9 p.m., there were still loads of people waiting for an empty table. Desperate to pig out. What does that tell you about the Year of the Pig?
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Fed up with humans not meeting your expectations?
“With AdultSheepFinder you can meet single, sexy sheep in your area at the touch of a button!”
The sheep will answer you "bah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h....."
The sheep will answer you "bah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h....."
That's a no.
That's a no.
Seriously, I don’t think that “Adult personals” are a good way to meet new friends. If you are single and lonely, and nobody ever invites you to their parties, then perhaps you should take some positive action. No, I don’t mean kill yourself, although that will mean one less problem for the rest of the world. Look, if you are a guy, go for some group tours that involve some required activity other than shopping. That will allow you to socially interact with your fellow vacationers. Most people on vacation are females. It’s like they don’t have to work. They are out to have fun.